Being hard on myself

Jul 17
Father, I miss him today. But I am fine. Perhaps its just me not feeling top form because of my eyes lassik.
Father, even if I want him, I won't go back to him as his offering is below me. I deserved more. And most of all I want my partner with me. To me, it is important that my partner is with me physically. So, that's means I want a committed partner.

The Power of Intention
Jesus of Nazareth
If u bring forth what is inside u,
what u bring forth will save u
If u don't bring forth what is inside u,
what u don't bring forth will destroy u.

What is inside u is the power of intention. U r the commander. U must allow yourself to be in vibrational harmony with the greatest commander of all and bring it forth to serve u, rather than allowing urself to be in despair.

Higher energy is the energy of light, which is a way of describing spiritual energy. When u shift ur tots, emotions and life activities into these realsm and deactivate the lower energies of the ego, the God force within u begins to take over. It's so automatic that it travels faster that ur tots.

Soul
The medicine has cured the hard skin eczema on my right foot but I discovered some allergy on left foot. It does look like the one I got previously on my thigh and stomach and arms. Anyway, have put the medication.

Father, I am not sure of anger. Only thing is a bit angry with myself. Firstly, still have not got over Z completely. Secondly, no progress in writing.
Hei, I just had a major progress by opening up to M and the other meditators on my writing. I know I write cos I enjoy and its a form of self expression. And I received good feedback from S.

On Z, its already very good progress. He was my first intimate partner, and I still like him, so why do I expect that I can dismissed him just like that. Just go easy on myself. Besides, the last few weeks, with dad and sis in hospital, followed by a special sathsang and my bad flu and final round up with lassik, I had made good progress. Don't be so hard on myself.

And I am freed of my spectacles and now on monovision. Left eye can see near but cannot see far that well. Right eyes can see far but cannot see near. So, will need to practice.

Mercury in Ruling
Two of Diamonds - financial arrangement with siblings; business meeting or communications that comes and goes quickly. Be ready for the unexpected.

Seven of Clubs -
During this period and this year to a lesser extent, u r being exposed to higher ways of thinking and will be given opportunities to transform negativity into relevation. Maybe u noticed how much u r worrying and want to change it. Now is the time to practice positive affirmations. U truly are what u think, and now u r given a chance to prove it.
On the high side, this is a great influence for ur acquiring some new information on the spiritual side of things. Keep on the lookout for things that may open u up to a different side of life.

Soul
Father, I am feeling bit off but I am determined not to go there. It took me so much to reach here.
A tot came to me. Instead of thinking I am not making progress and possibly going into regression, perhaps I am taking a breather before I move up. Certainly I am cos I suddenly tot of going back to read ACIM - Manual for teacher, something which I have never been able to do.


Mercury in Destiny
King of Diamond
During this period u could see urself attaining a quick but significant financial success by applying ur savvy and quick thinking to some idea or business. Use ur mind now and the ideas u get could be worth more than u think.

Five of Diamond
A sudden and unexpected change in employment, material circumstances or the family financial situation.

Soul
The flu is a form of expression of negativity.
My father and sis was in hospital and money went out. I too went for lassik and money went out as well.
Company money gone out but luckily some money coming in to replace. And there is still another big biz that may go out. All big monies.
But most of all is the negativity. Need to focus back on meditation.


(Aug 5 - in terms of unexpected communication, we did a training in communication and it was group effort, that lasted 3 days. On King of Diamond, this could be boss, and in Mercury means our communication will be even better this year.)

Soul
I saw him remove his personal msg and I felt bit of a blow. Its like he deleted me. My first tot was to remove my personal msg but I remember that the msg is meant for him. His north node in Aquarius is for him to be his true self, instead of trying to fit society.
Anyway, I am learning that I have to go all the way.
Let me remember that he is a diamond, just not my diamond. And he has helped me loads and he will always be my first. I wish that he will get his dream. He is meant to be great.
Mmm, perhaps that's the msg to me too. Amen.