Opening up my writing

Jul 14

This morning practice was good. My flu is recovering as I need less tissue.
My plough back is getting back to the nimble ones.
Yday, S called me about F. I told her don't feel guilty and move on. Guess S need to feel that it is ok to be happy even if others are down.

Tot of Z and his money. He use money to be popular, to stand out. He too gave up what he want so he won't be blacklisted.

J used status quo to avoid being judged. He give up what he wants in order to be accepted.

What do I use? Generally, I don't see a need to be popular and I never do things to be popular. Infact I tend to be anti-social at times. To me, what is more important is freedom to do what I want, be what I want.

Why am I hiding the book? I am hiding because I don't want people to get to know me. I don't want to know I have insights, and they ask for helped. I also worry if they think I am so arrogant. I also hide because worried it conflict with my corporate work.

I also worried that people won't dare to open up cos they may be in my stories.
Suddenly tot of M, I wonder if I could trust her. Now that I knew what's she been through, I don't judge her. Actually she has open up to me more than I have her. She finally took up her coaching job. And she loves to read. So, she can tell me if I am on the right track. So far, lots of people said I am on.

(Aug 5 - so far no feedback from her. After all my mental drama in opening up and people are not even bothered.)

Actually I am afraid to share cos I don't want people to truly see. So, a big part of me afraid that I am famous. I am hiding not because fear of rejection, or fear of being found lacking, but fear of being open up. People would know me and I be vulnerable. I am afraid to open up and be hurt.

Mmm, suddenly I tot of Z fear of opening up to people.

Father, I truly need to get out of this hole. I don't want to be like Z. I am sure of my writing and I know I can even do speaking.

1. Issue
Projections
All of us can get caught up in projecting movies of our own making onto situations and people surrounding us. It happens when we are not fully aware of our own expectations, desires and judgement.

2. Internal
Healing
The figure is naked, vulnerable, open to the loving touch and existence. The aura around his body is full of light, and the quality of relaxation, caring and love that surrounds him is dissolving his struggle and suffering. Lotuses of light appear on his body.
When we are under the healing influence of the King of Water, we r no longer hiding ourselves or others. In this attitude of openness and acceptance we can be healed, and help others also to be healthy and whole.

3. External
We are the world
Life has been given to u to create, to rejoice and to celebrate. When u celebrate, the whole existence participates with u.
Time of communication, of sharing the riches that each of us brings to the whole. It is a circle without fear of feelings of inferiority and superiority.

Soul
M has shared about her executive coach pgm and its now my turn.

4. What is needed
Schizophrenia
If u want to say 'yes', immediately the no is there. U cannot utter a simple 'yes' with totality. In this way, happiness is not possible. Unhappiness is a natural consequence of a split personality.

Whatever decision we make, we will always wonder if we should have decided the other way. The only way out of this dilemma is, unfortunately, to let go of both at once.
U cannot work your way out of this one by solving it, making list of pros and cons, or in any way working it out with ur mind. Better follow ur heart. If u can't find it, just jump.

Soul
This is about my writing. I write from my soul. If I cannot accept and open up, I am not being true to myself and I cannot be happy especially writing is meant to be my destiny.

5. The understanding
Laziness
This poolside resort is not ur final destination. The journey isn't over yer, as that white bird flying into the vastness of the sky is trying to show.
No matter, how fuzzy the slippers, how tasty the pina colada, there are skies upon skies still waiting to be explored.

Soul
I finally text M on my website. I told her I am still afraid but I need to jump out, cos otherwise I can never fly out.
Amen.

Father, the destiny cards is so true, when I succeed in Nine of Hearts Pluto, result is Jack of Clubs. I am finally jumping out.

Eight of Clubs
The card of mental power, the ability to focus one's mind on a goal or objective and see it through to a successful conclusion.

Soul
I am opening up my writing to the world.
"Be true to myself and the world is mine".
Cheers