I am supposed to move..but where? (7) - back to him

Aug 15 Aft

Father, just now mind was trying to trigger insecurities of Z's rejection. The mind said Z can't answer becos I can't have him. I ignored it.
I am quite amazed at myself. I just be vulnerable and made a declaration. So far no response from him. The old me would have reacted. The new me is not so bothered. I am not sure of tonite or the following day if still no response. But for now I am fine.

Mmm, just rec mail that M doesn't think the approach for T is correct. This time I didn't react.

1. The Issue
Turning In
To develop the knack of taking a distance from the mind is one of the greatest blessings. U r ready to watch the show, without caught in the drama. Indulge in the simple freedom of Turning In whenever u can, and the knack of meditation will grow and deepen in u.

Soul
Mmm, exactly what I mentioned earlier.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Courage
Long is the journey for the seed. And it is always safer not to go on that journey.
The same is the path for man. It is arduous. Much courage will be needed.

When we r faced with a very difficult situation, we have a choice: we can either be resentful and try to find somebody or something to blame for the hardships, or we can face the challenge and grow.
There is no point trying to avoid or deny them. They are there, and if the seed is to become the flower we must go through them. Be courageous enough to grow into the flower u r meant to be.

Soul
What make me go is also because of A. He reminded me of meditation will bring out whatever that has been suppressed. I also told him to accept whatever that is coming out cos it will balance in the end. And here I know my physical has been suppressed and now it is out. At least I got a good outlet.
So, for the second time I see Z as a blessing. And I now place his role accordingly as a Physical Releaser, not as a partner. He is only a Tool that Father has granted me.

3. External influence of which u r aware
Breakthrough
It is the greatest adventure in life to go through a breakdown consciously. It is the greatest risk because there is no guarantee that the breakdown will become a breakthrough.

The dawn is not far away, but before u can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through. And as the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.

All of us occasionally reach a point when 'enough is enough'. And at such times, it seems we must do something, anything, even if it later turns out to be a mistake, to throw off the burdens and restrictions that are limiting us. If we don't, they threaten to suffocate and cripple our very life energy itself.

If u r feeling that 'enough is enough', allow yourself to take the risk of shattering the old patterns and limitations that have kept ur energy from flowing. In doing so, u be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to ur life.

Soul
Who knows. I broke it off because I don't want to be rejected in future. Perhaps this seeking him again is to let me accept rejection per se. To let me experience that rejection is not a reflection of my lovability. So, either way, on or off with Z will be a good lesson which I know I will pass.

4. What is needed for resolution?
Politics
Take a good look if u r playing the game, good me, bad me. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all urs.

Soul
I acknowledge I have the physical needs to fulfill. And I acknowledge Z is the one that can fulfill it at the moment.

5. Resolution
Understanding
U r out of jail. Open ur wings and fly across the sun like an eagle.
When we first fly, its natural to be shaky, but don't let it overshadow the opportunity to experience the lightheartedness and adventure on offer, right there alongside the shakiness.

Move with the sweetness and gentleness of this time. Feel the fluttering within. Spread ur wings and be free.


Aug 15 Eve
Father, tot of Z's non response. I am still not sure if I want to call him since he doesn't respond. I know my worth. I am smart, spiritual and sensual lady, I have 3S.
I want him but if he is not keen, I am fine too.