Faith is the light that shine darkness away (6)

Jul 21
Father, I am glad I called. I am glad he was direct and it reaffirm my decision to let go of him physically. There is truly no regret to the ending.

Why does he think I didn't deserved to be loved fully and just want a fling? Because he doesn't think he deserved to be loved. For him, he just want a marriage for social convenience and for the children. Since he knew I don't want children, he assumed that I will only settle for flings. That is sad. But I am glad that U made me to call. The air is finally cleared.

I am smiling thinking of the dramas in my mind on Z. Fearing I would cave in to him if I call, fearing a loss of pride, fearing he would reject my call, worry we be akward and etc. All the above didn't happen. Its true he still waits for me but I made it clear we won't go there and I think he accepted it for now. In the end, he is one of my friends and he is in my prayer list. I am really glad I have the courage to make the call and I now felt even more powerful. It also reaffirm the results of Pluto Nine of Hearts last year and this is a new year.

Father, I felt a sense of anticipation of having a lovely relationship. Seems delicious to me.

Self Reliance
In regard to disagreeable and formidable things, prudence does not consist in evasion, or in flight, but in courage.
He who wishes to walk in the most peaceful parts of life with any serenity must screw himself up to resolution. Let him front the object of his worst apprehension, and his stoutness will commonly make his fear groundless.

Soul
True. I faced my fear with Z yesterday and the fear are not true, didn't even materialise. Its all in my mind.

Father, I know I am lovely. And I deserved a lovely partner and a lovely relationship. Amen. Z has really helped me loads in cleaning up my past and gave me back my lovely self.


Jul 21 Aft
Father, I did shoonya and was laughing loads.

Self Reliance
Always do what u r afraid to do.

Soul
I did that yesterday. And it lifted the 'fear from Z', that I would melt before him. I stood friendly and firm.
Thanks to Z, I found my power to say No, to affirm that I deserve a committed relationship.

Self Reliance
The one thing which we seek with insatiable desire is to forget ourselves, to be surprised out of our propriety, to lose our semipiternal memory, and to do something without knowing how or why; in short, to draw a new circle.
Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm. The way of life is wonderful; it is by abandonment.

Soul
True.