Cosmic Reward (breakthru) - going for faith (2)

Aug 21

Father, I am surprised all my friends asked me to go for it. If he makes me happy now why worry about future. As for J, he thinks I haven't learn my lesson as the time is too short.

I woke up with this tot of why I think "To love someone is sad.". I guess this is because to love someone is responsibility. And also to love someone who does not love me is sacrifice.

(Aug 23 - now I realise why I havent found a partner. It is because I don't want to. Perhaps thats why Z is perfect for me. I was afraid to have a partner. I am determined to change my belief as my Top 5 is to have a committed loving partner.)

Evening
Father, I am feeling sad. Really not sure on how to handle this situation with Z.

I tot I was over him and now just want him physically. But if others can immediately said that I am in love with him, I have to take that into consideration.

Today card - Seven of Spades
This will challenge u to rise to a higher levels of thinking, speaking and acting. Its challenges manifest in areas that u r holding some negative patterns that need to be changed.

If u r willing to take responsibility for ur condition and practice positively in spite of circumstances, u can realise the powerful spiritual potential of this card and attain new heights. In its highest form, this is the card of faith.

Soul
Firstly, Seven of Spades is his card. Secondly, I am attached to him. I am not sure I am in love. I don't want to go there. Thirdly, he is not attached to me. Really triple whammy.
How to proceed?

Seven of Heart
It is a quest for the truth about love and relationships. They are old souls who have come here to reach the highest in these areas.
With two Nines in their Life Path, they have come to complete a grand cycle in their soul's work and to let go of many things so that they may progress to the next level.
These people must learn to let go of personal attachments and give to others without expectation of return or reward.

On the high side, are those counselors and those who make personal sacrifices for others and who give much to the world.
On the low side, these people can be preoccupied with many suspicions and jealousies, which is merely a reflection of their own insecurities.

Their health should be watched carefully as these people bring into this life some past life karma that could manifest as health challenges. Whenever there is a problem, it either calls for a change of lifestyle or a need to let go of some part of it. For example, to quit a certain job because it is just too stressful.

The Seven of Hearts are the givers of knowledge and love and can experience the highest degree of unconditional love.

The Seven of Hearts - Unconditional love
In his or her essence, is a very loving person who yearns for a life free of fears about love and affection. They want to just love everyone for who they are and be sort of a lighthouse of unconditional love. However, many of them also have a deep inner conflict with this that comes from a previous incarnations.
One of the missions of the Seven of Hearts is to let go of this control aspect. They must do this if they are to ever experience their destiny of unconditional love.
For the Seven of Hearts, there is a belief that others are out to control them in love rships. Therefore, many of them put a lot of effort into making sure that they maintain control in their rships and do not let anyone else get the upper hand.

Soul
I am not sure this is me. I just want to be in control so I won't get hurt. I don't even want to control others. I just want to control myself.

Unconditional love
As u allow others to be who they are, u also allow urself to be urself, and in this way, u will be able to experience a new sense of personal freedom.
To be totally free means having no attachment to others and no worries about whether or not they love us.
It also means having a knowing that there will always be enough love in our life, because it comes from within.


(Aug 23 - not sure about this. Now that I have accepted that my rship with Z is for play. I become playful and able to tell him that I wanted him, when I want him..and etc. And there is no anxiousness.)