I am not defined by anyone

Jul 19 Aft

Father, just did shoonya. I was laughing loads. Towards the end, a quietness that is unknown and I suddenly felt like a hand settle on my chest. Not sure if this is meditation with the heart.

When I started shoonya, my mind starts to take in boss's criticism saying I am bit slow after I did lassik. Its true and I can feel it too. But more so its because I am not so keen on what I am doing. I felt a sense of disinterest. Anyway, I told myself I am not defined by my job. I am not defined by Z. Infact I cannot be defined at all.

Self Reliance
Everything the individual sees without him (ie outside himself) corresponds to his states of mind, and every thing is in turn intelligible to him, as his onward thinking leads him into the truth to which the fact or series belongs.

What is our life but an endless flight of winged facts or events? In splendid variety, these changes come, all putting questions to the human spirit. Those men who cannot answer by a superior wisdom, these facts or questions of time, serve them. Facts encumber them, tyrannize over them, and make the men of routine the men of sense, in whom a literal obedience to facts has extinguished every spark of that light by which man is truly man.
But if a man is true to his better instincts or sentiments, and refuses the domination of facts, remains fast by the soul and sees the principle, then the facts fall aptly and supple into their places; they know their master, and the meanest of them glorifies him.

Soul
Same msg with Wayne Dyer and Ernest Holmes.
Father, I miss Z. I am holding myself back cos the future still looks bleak. And I don't want to go back on my words, don't want to disappoint others and myself.
If I leave in the Now, I would be with him but when I think of future, I back off. So, now I am feeling bit stuck, not moving back, not moving forward either.