Aug 19
Father, did suria. Quite ok despite not feeling well. My cough is recovering. Had a little tots of Z. Practices was fine.
Father, I am now aware that I don't have to worry I cannot go off when its time. Cos I know I can. Besides it is actually less disturbance to me when I am alone. So, now the question is do I really want a committed partner? Someone I have to worry about, take care and etc.
Mmm, why I tot only of me having the responsibility?
Why? Because love is responsibility. That's why I don't even think of children cos that its added responsibility.
Mmm, again I tot of the price to pay, whether it is worth it, what its value. I cannot seem to think of the benefit. I guess just like I saw my mom, she pays a lot of price to take care of us and dad. Is it worth it? We all care for her but is it worth it?
Even the new job prospect with V, I too think of the additional work. Is it worth it? Need to uproot myself and start again. I am not sure. What I do know it I have unexcited about my job since day 1. The only excitement was the drama which boss created.
Its like now. I want to mate with Z but is the price worth it?? I seem to measure everything by a price. Weighing the potential gain or loss.
The same goes for me opening up my website. I too tot of the price to pay.
So, my tots are predominantly on the price to pay. Because of that, I am immobilised. I cannot move.
A tot just occurred. Since my tots are predominantly on the price to pay, if I go in, with the Law of Attraction, the outcome would be the price I have to pay instead of the benefit.
Now when I asked Z about why he wanted children. He said he wanted to play with them. He said he never tot of the price to pay. He focused on the benefits,on what he wants. No wonder he can act. No wonder he is determined. To him, its nothing. To me, he is determined to proceed ahead cos I see the price to be paid. For him, since he didn't see the price to pay, he just go for it naturally, no determination required.
We cannot proceed ahead with what we want if we keep on thinking of price to pay. We be immobilised. Worse still is the effect of Law of Attraction making our tots of prices to pay come true.
No wonder Z had no problem to proceed ahead with us. For now he wants me, he didn't think of the drama we had. He just focused on having me. So, there is no dilemma or turmoil at all. For him, he set the parameter that we cannot be married because our goals differ but meanwhile we can have our fun. So, he wants us to have fun up till he is married.
I tot he is so strong to take up on me despite price to pay. And here, he didn't even think of any price to pay.
For me, its the other way, my tots are predominanty the price to pay. So, I tot this is a heavy one. No wonder I have such difficulty in this relationship whereas he has none.
Because I had such difficulty and he has none, I am resentful that I have to pay the price of keeping it. That's why I am angry at him for not being considerate of the price I have to pay. Not caring that I be left alone after he had his fling. To him, it was not he doesn't care, he didn't even know he has to care. He didn't know that there is a price to pay. He tot I am fine with the fling. And that's why he said objectively if we managed the feelings, we would be both fine and can disentangle any moment.
Aiyah, its all in my mind. I create the drama in my mind and through Law of Attraction, it materialised.
Father, all these breakthroughs after I made a call to Z yesterday and reading Ask and It is Given.
Father, no more thinking of price to pay once I decided what I want. Thinking about it would only immobilise me into no action or create more prices to pay.
Now, I know what's the meaning of having faith. Having faith that things will turn out fine, focusing on the benefits instead of the prices to pay.
In order to have faith, thinks of benefits and not of the price to pay. Amen.
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