Cosmic Reward - courage to go for faith

Aug 19 Aft

Father, I am still pondering. Do I really want a partner? Yea, I do. Its the fear of paying the prices that I am pondering.

I remember asking Z how come he has such courage. To try despite continuous failure.

Faith is simply a positive assumption.

Father, again its boils down to my negative mind set and inability to have faith. Hence my Cosmic Lesson is Seven of Spades - Faith

Father, for the first time I am seeing my issue on rship with such clarity. I am speechless. Not sure how to overcome this. Not sure if can overcome. And also not sure if I am rational to pick someone like Z. To be with him requires immense faith. And here I don't have. Am I kidding myself??

My Osho Internal Influence
Courage
There is no point fighting against the challenges of life, or trying to avoid or deny them. They are there, and if the seed is to become the flower we must go through them. Be courageous enough to grow into the flower u r meant to be.

Soul
Father, I tot of my dream of Self Mastery. I tot of my need for physical fulfillment. But what if I said its enough for now. I don't go in.
For the first time I am not chasing this nor that.

Mmm, was scrolling my tweet and saw this; Courage comes when u r willing to lose.

For the second time, I am immobilised by fear. Both times also with Z. No wonder he is both my Cosmic and Pluto.

Osho
External influence
Breakthrough
Ur chaos is very ancient - for many, many lives u have been in chaos. It is thick and dense. It is almost a universe in itself. So when u enter into the conscious breakdown, of course there is danger.
But without facing this danger, nobody has ever become integrated, nobody has ever become an individual, indivisible.
Meditation is the method which will help u go through the chaos, through the dark night of the soul.
The dawn is not far away, but before u can reach the dawn, the dark night has to be passed through.
As the dawn comes closer, the night will become darker.

Soul
I have reach the dark night.

Breakthrough
If u r now feeling that "enough is enough", allow urself to take the risk of shattering old patterns and limitations that have kept ur energy from flowing.
In doing so, u will be amazed at the vitality and empowerment this Breakthrough can bring to ur life.


(Aug 23 - It is really true. I did it and I felt so empowered.)

Soul
To have courage, I must be able to lose.
Father, going through this is against my self preservation, against my self control.

What is needed for resolution?
Politics
What u see might be painful, but not as painful as continuing to play. It doesn't serve anybody's interest in the end, least of all yours.

Soul
In preserving myself, I become hard.

Resolution
Understanding
There are no doors - the bars were an illusion and this small bird is being summoned by the grace and freedom and encouragement of the others. It is spreading its wings, ready to take flight for the very first time.


Soul
Father, my greatest lesson is the removal of self preservation to protect myself. I am great in that.
Its only when I trust God and have faith that I am protected that I am willing to let go of self. I am afraid, shaken especially since I can see how my mind function.
Ok, the positive part is there.
Father, m thinking if I am this way, going back to Z would be disastrous. I must go back happily and not unhappily.
How to be happy - when I can see the outcome.

What do u know??
Aiyoh, such a dilemma.

Osho
Understanding
The dawn of a new understanding, that the cage has always been open and the sky has always been there for us to explore - can make us feel shaky at first.
It is fine and natural to be shaky, but don't let it overshadow the opportunity to experience the lightheartedness and adventure on offer, right there alongside the shakiness.

Move with the sweetness and gentleness of this time. Feel the fluttering within. Spread ur wings and be free.



Aug 19 Eve
I am emotional person. I wear my emotion on my sleeves. I cannot play without emotion. I get easily entangled.

All my tears cried out.

Now I am calmer and have tots of Z. Father, I really don't know which is which.

The only thing I know is I cannot handle him.