I am supposed to move..but where? (8) - back to him

Aug 16

Father, I woke up. Today I had no sexual feeling. Perhaps its because I know I found an outlet. Now I understand why Z need me. The last time, it was me who helped him. And now its me who need his help. Or rather we can now help each other. I realised now why I had such good appetite for food in the last 2 months. I have transferred my sexual appetite to food. No wonder put on weight for the first time in nearly 3 years.

Father, I seem so enthusiatic yesterday but today I just see it as a step I have to take. Nothing to shout about. Me, just have a need to be fulfilled. And I will remember my ideal rship comprise of mental, physical and spiritual. Z only fulfilled one aspect of it. It is safer for me to get the physical fulfilled so I won't be confused about physical being love. It is not. It is a just a form of hunger, just like hunger for food.
I realised I am less hungry for him once I have food. So, the hunger must be in the same vein.

Today I coughed out all the greenish phelgm. I felt better after doing my practices.

Let me remember I am going with Z for my now, which I have a need to be fulfilled, and for future so that the need won't distort my choice of rship.

Ask and It is Give
Most people do not deliberately offer tot, but instead, let their tots gravitate to whatever is happening around them; Something happens. They observe. They have an emotional feeling response to what they are observing. And since they usually feel powerless in controlling what they r observing, they conclude that they have no control over their emotional response to what they are observing.

If u r standing in ur physical body and consciously connected to that Spirit, then u r eternal in nature and u need never fear any "endedness", because from that perspective


Soul
Suddenly a tot occurred to me. When we were sleeping, I would feel a tenderness and kiss Z's forehead. He never did that. He just want to zoom in. I can see more clearly now. It was all one sided. I must remember that like me Z said what he means. He is also frontal like me.

Just msg him that I want a meetup. We don't have to chat anymore. There is no need to build relationship, as we just have a need to be fulfilled. Infact, going forward, we need not chat. We just make a date and go for it. No more mistaken perception of us. There is no us. We r just helping each other out, like ship that pass through the night.

Ask and It is Given
When u really, really want something and u r feeling anger, fear or disappointment, that means u r focused upon the opposite of ur desire. And in doing so, u r introducing another non-matching vibration to the mix - and the degree of negative emotion that u r now experiencing indicates the degree of ur resistance to ur receiving ur desires.

When u really, really want something, and u r thinking about ur desire and feeling pleasure from the tot, ur tot vibration is now in alignment with ur desire - and the current from ur Source is flowing through u toward ur intended desire with no restriction or resistance.