I am going back because of my dream of SelfMastery

Aug 16 Aft
Father, it was a quick one. He responded immediately when he knew about the meet up and even suggested this week. Very focused. I guess its because he knows he wants me and hence decision is made quickly so I don't go off again.

Father, somehow this time going with Z is a different feel. I am definitely more confident of myself as a woman. I can play the game and just need to remind myself that he is not the one and I don't want to have children.

My card for today.
Four of Diamonds
When we know exactly what it is we want, we tend to attract those things to us more quickly.
Thus, when this card shows up, it usually means that we have gotten clear about what we want and then we get it.

This is ur Venus day.

Soul
Quite true. I want him to fulfill my physical need and I got him.

Z's today card
Ten of Hearts
Hearts represent people.

Soul
Yea, he scored with me. He must be feeling good today for he finally got me.

For me, I didn't get him. I just got to borrow his body for awhile.

I just told D that I am back with Z. She laughed at me and said that I look like a school gal falling in love for the first time. I said not and I am going in for sex. She laughed even more at me.

I calmed down and told myself, ok if I am in love. Then I tot of my Seven of Heart Life time challenge - spiritual challenge is raising of love consciousness.
- To develop spiritual and unattached love for those in your life and to give both them and yourself the freedom to be who you are.

Affirmation
I am learning how to experience unconditional love for others, and in the process

Evening

Father, me being away from him got me 2 time sickness. And of course my skin sensitiveness still continues. Father, I find myself more easily affected by environment. Like now having dry lips and even allergy, which is something I never had before.

Aiyoh, I am back with Z. I am feeling bit apprehensive. Father, I am bit worry cos my feeling is still there. And D has given me a reminder. I hidden it so well. Ok, so I have feelings for him.

Father, I suspect the reason why I am back with him is to let me practice faith. To have faith in the relationship even if the odds are against me. Or perhaps its to have faith in myself that I will be fine. That I don't need anyone to prove my lovability.

Earlier, I initiated cos I need the physical release that he can give me now. I was worried I gone into wrong channel.

Aiyoh. I am going through this because of my dream for Self Mastery. The good thing is no matter how sick I am, how sad I am, the happiness is still there.