Post Kailash, being myself without fear

Aug 23
Just pull back from invite on Z and wife. Told him that I am not ready to accept him into family event.  I sent the invite to all who sent us condolence wreathe and didn't expect him to come. I am okay with him and wife on outside event.

After my honest feedback on Kailash, I m no longer afraid to be vulnerable especially with Z. With Kailash, knowing its okay to be who I am. Whoever is real will be there. Amen. Tears came. Tears of gladness of accepting myself.  It is truly okay to be who I am; no apology; just as Kailash is on the most horrendous element.
That's my gift. To be who I am without fear. To express myself without fear. To be free of validation. Tears rolling out.

Just finished my practices. Sang guru pooja, cried loads and head shaking non stop. Did cat stretch followed by one cycle of Surya Kriya, managed to have first 3 mountain pose with both feet on the ground. Did abridged Shakti due to menses; head shaking at every interval despite not able to get the right sound even for 4252 breathing. Shambavi was awesome. Laughing in bliss at the end.
The experience was intense. One tot, allowing myself to be me whoever I may be.

When I woke up this morning, I feel the lovely energy of Dhynalinga yantra. Glad I have the consecrated space. Be more lovely with Sannidhi.

Aug 23 eve
Just slept 3 and half hours, body resting. 
Had a nice time with my family. Niece and nephews too.  Great to be back.
Feet are getting better. Will opt out tomorrow walk. 
Light up my shrine and just sat there. For a moment tot if I should be getting Sannidhi.  But I waived it off cos I knew that I truly want to. Sannidhi is home. Instead of lamenting I got two shrines. Be happy I have two.  Can't wait to have Devi back with me.
The indecisiveness is due to tiredness from Kailash trip.  Glad Three of Diamonds in Mercury is finally over.