Jul 31
Woke up feeling fresh at 3 plus am. Want to sleep back but body wide awake. In the end finally woke up at 3.44 am. Slept around 10.30 pm. About 5 hours. Yesterday pre sleep session with shrine helps. Father, feel I m losing it a bit. Don't have the enthusiasm for presleep sitting with shrine as compared to previous months. Truly a consecrated space is required.
Yesterday wore the special ankle guard and ankle improve loads.
Did Bhuta Shuddi followed by singing guru pooja. Angamardana improved loads. Back to normal. Yesterday did the whole session. Got my sitting with legs up straight. A first time especially able to land well.
As I was doing Angamardana, suddenly it occur to me. We are all different. Instead of lamenting that I don't do the stair case or walking; why don't I say they don't do Angamardana. Why I always compare and judged myself as lacking. If I need extra, then just do Angamardana in the evening too. Trust in Sadhguru. His tools truly works. I m fittest now in my whole life. This is it. Also I m not suitable for those impact running and climbing.
Surya kriya was great, both feet nicely on the ground for the four mountain pose. At the end suddenly I burst out crying. Then later laughing on Shavasana.
Shakti was good. Laughing at every cycle of Kapala Bhakti. On third cycle lost in tots, suddenly tot of volunteering for visit india again..but I waived it off...not sure if this is another pull back
Towards the end singing non stop till finished all Shambavi preparatory steps.
Heard that Y gave all his spare Nepal rupee to another meditator. Part of me feel bit off cos he didn't give to me instead. Then I shrugged off as I haven't been talking to him at all, especially not on Kailash. These days we are no longer friends. We are just fellow meditators.
Today supposed to collect items from P but alas she has prior engagement with G. Suddenly feel bit off again.
The old rejected child surfacing.
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