Oct 26
Today forgot about the yoga mat. Perhaps subsconsciously I want to register earlier. Did my breathing meditation and was laughing and then follow thru with shakti and shambavi. Amazingly, just use my shawl and I could even do my shoulder stand. Great.
Went to see Vijii. This time just open my eyes and look at her, was laughing non-stop. Then close eyes and sit there, all in about thirty minutes.
Now waiting to do samyama. I have no expectation. Just want the energy. My approach is now same as I have during guru pooja. I am still not sure that I would be able to learn Sadhguru's method. I aim to learn Tamil teacher's method of combining shoonya with conscious breathing.
Samyama or perhaps my own version is combine awareness of both breathe and tot with eyes open. That the ultimate.
Ooh, now I know why Sadhguru ask to hold the tot cos in a moving cloud is very difficult unless u r totally aware. The mode he taught is just the very base.
As for shoonya, well, looks like there is a mantra which I didn't bother to remember, but its ok. Like Sadhguru says u can't do meditation, u let it flow in.
Diamond Heart
To approach new knowledge, to become a new person will happen through letting go of the old, not holding on to old concepts, which means not holding on to ur mind. This will feel like letting go of the mind itself, since we do not know the mind without content.
But only this will allow us the possibility of seeing the world in its actuality and its truth. No matter how much psychological insight we have, how many spiritual experiences we have, how many times we see angels or talk with God, if our experience occurs still within the old concepts, no actual transformation of ourselves and our world will happen.
Soul
Same msg with Osho - No mind.
(Nov 28 - Now I understand samyama is to let us know the state of content-less. So, we slowly seek that state and then only new content can come in.
Diamond Heart
Reality is not somewhere else, it is here, it is everything. When u can see the whole world, including urself, without concepts, without these ways of knowing things you are accustomed to, u will see a completely fresh world, a new world.
What has happened or not happened in the past is irrelevant to what is now. What is now is just now and that's what really exists. To be able to look with fresh eyes, we need to look without the mind that labels. When u label what ur eyes see, the associations come with the label and from that, all ur reactions and emotions and identifications. You want to be able to look without labelling, and thus to be free from having to react in the old ways.
Our only hope of really seeing things as they are is to suspend the mind, to go through the mind. To suspend everything we know about ourselves, others and the world.
We have been living our life through our concepts and world concepts and fit our experience into them. What will happen if we don't do it that way? What will happen if our knowing is 100 percent spontaneous?
Soul
Amazing. Very timely. This is the base for samyama.
Diamond Heart
In my experience, the longer people learn from the Work, and the more they develop, the more they see the value and necessity of doing the various tasks and practices of the Work, not the other way round.
The more u learn, the more u see how much u do not know.
Soul
My commitment is true. I am doing because I want to and of cos at times I have to.
Diamond Heart
We need to establish our personal lives and our practical lives such that we can support ourselves and live somewhat comfortably. But from the perspective of the Work, supporting our lives should be done for the purpose of the Work, not the other way round. If u use the Work to support ur lives, then u just strengthen the ego, making urself more solid.
Diamond Heart
The world we see is nothing but the knowledge we have accumulated - our mind is our world.
The organ of perception through which we can see the truth is within. Your own soul, ur consciousness is the organ of truth, the window of reality, and that's why u look inside.
For a long time, for many levels and dimensions, the Work of the truth has to do with experiencing things within u - essence, spiritual experiences that are transforming, exciting, intriguing and fulfilling.
These experiences can bring a lot of excitement and joy into ur life, which is very good. If we allow the process to continue, and if we are truly interested in the truth, whatever the truth is, it won't stop there. Unfoldment won't just stop at any realisation that remains internal, because internal experiences are limited.
Inner experiences are not awakening; they are experiences of the path. They are helpful and necessary to continue the process. Without the openings and essential experiences, without the insights and openings to sweetness, value and so on, most people will not have the stamina nor the motivation to continue.
Such experiences are signs that u r moving. They encourage u, and indicate that, yes, u r getting in touch of something u haven't seen, some part of the mystery, which can inspire u to go further and support u to continue.
If u pursue inner experiences, u r what I call the seeker after sensation. If u want the Work to make u comfortable in the world, more successful, famous or rich, u r one who wants materialistic gain. Ultimately they are all the same. U remain the little self that wants something that feel deficient, small and empty and want some kind of reality to support it, whether that reality is God, Essence, truth or whatever.
Soul
I seem to be the second one and here I judged the first one.
Diamond Heart
U need to go beyond looking at urself from the perspective of deficiency vs fullness, from concerns of whether u r good or bad, weak or strong, small or large. All these things are just part of the self-centred perspective.
From the perspective of truth, it is insignificant whether u get what u want or not. Everything is part of the expression of the beauty of truth.
If u believe u r the little mental self, then ur life is not important.
Your life is important only if u realise that u r the totality. Unless ur little life is a little wave, a little expression, a little rain from the big truth, it does not have true support, is not real and u might as well as not live it.
Soul
Exactly message on Failure. Not to think I am a wave apart from the Ocean.
Diamond Heart
The mind is very tricky, very subtle, very powerful. And to see truth means to know the mind, to know it to the extent of being able to see beyond it, and being able to use it instead of it using u.
In some sense, the mind is the most powerful thing there is, because it creates our world.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Samyama Refresher (3)
Oct 25
Father, practices is good today. Was laughing during suria. Towards the end of shambavi, I didn't stay long. Guess I want to come out of meditation mode. Went to Linga, just tot I sit a little while (meaning less than 10 min) and absorb the energy. Little did I know that my body start to move, the moment I sat down and I stayed on for about 40 min. She caught me by surprise. It so cosy that, its like resting in me.
Father, I still have fear of losing myself when I meditate for too long. Guess what's Osho telling me, just go into my Inner Sky.
Diamond Heart
If there is no real contact, there is no real relationship. So, u have to constantly activate of those mental relationship because u cannot tolerate being with no rship in ur mind. That is why most of the time people are thinking about other people. You are always engaged in some kind of rship in ur mind. You do not allow urself to feel the absence of the real rship.
But you have to allow urself to feel that absence, feel the aloneness - which is the hole of the real relationship before u will be able to experience the real relationship.
Soul
Father, I have engaged in frustrating relationship for fun of it. Guess when it ended, I felt rejected. But it was me who created it and since there is no actual interaction, it died by itself. So, no rejection per se.
Diamond Heart
Now, u realised that u have a mind and a spirit. These are new things, that u hadn't seen before. And knowledge of these things is simply added to what u already know; it usually doesn't shake up ur previously known world.
We believe that in our realisation or our understanding, or with more experience or maturity, something new is happening, but it is actually a matter of adding content to the same given world. We are merely seeing more of what is already there that we have not seen. "Our world is our knowledge". The more we experience the world, the more our knowledge expands. The more our knowledge expands, the more our world expands.
One of the first things we realise when we become more knowledgeable about ourselves is that our emotional state depends a lot on the memory content of our minds, on what we have experienced in the past. No matter how much psychological insight we have, how many inner spiritual experiences we have, how many times we see angels or talk with God, if our experience still occur within the old concepts, no actual transformation of ourselves and of our world will happen.
(Nov 28 - It is becoming even more apparent after I did samyama. Cos now I have a comparison of the content-less state vs content state. The thing that I haven't been able to get out is when the content is pleasureable, I hooked on. Or when there is bad tot, I would create pleasureable tot to 'close' it off. But the problem is that I got hooked. I am now slowly but surely realise content-less state is the way to go.)
Father, practices is good today. Was laughing during suria. Towards the end of shambavi, I didn't stay long. Guess I want to come out of meditation mode. Went to Linga, just tot I sit a little while (meaning less than 10 min) and absorb the energy. Little did I know that my body start to move, the moment I sat down and I stayed on for about 40 min. She caught me by surprise. It so cosy that, its like resting in me.
Father, I still have fear of losing myself when I meditate for too long. Guess what's Osho telling me, just go into my Inner Sky.
Diamond Heart
If there is no real contact, there is no real relationship. So, u have to constantly activate of those mental relationship because u cannot tolerate being with no rship in ur mind. That is why most of the time people are thinking about other people. You are always engaged in some kind of rship in ur mind. You do not allow urself to feel the absence of the real rship.
But you have to allow urself to feel that absence, feel the aloneness - which is the hole of the real relationship before u will be able to experience the real relationship.
Soul
Father, I have engaged in frustrating relationship for fun of it. Guess when it ended, I felt rejected. But it was me who created it and since there is no actual interaction, it died by itself. So, no rejection per se.
Diamond Heart
Now, u realised that u have a mind and a spirit. These are new things, that u hadn't seen before. And knowledge of these things is simply added to what u already know; it usually doesn't shake up ur previously known world.
We believe that in our realisation or our understanding, or with more experience or maturity, something new is happening, but it is actually a matter of adding content to the same given world. We are merely seeing more of what is already there that we have not seen. "Our world is our knowledge". The more we experience the world, the more our knowledge expands. The more our knowledge expands, the more our world expands.
One of the first things we realise when we become more knowledgeable about ourselves is that our emotional state depends a lot on the memory content of our minds, on what we have experienced in the past. No matter how much psychological insight we have, how many inner spiritual experiences we have, how many times we see angels or talk with God, if our experience still occur within the old concepts, no actual transformation of ourselves and of our world will happen.
(Nov 28 - It is becoming even more apparent after I did samyama. Cos now I have a comparison of the content-less state vs content state. The thing that I haven't been able to get out is when the content is pleasureable, I hooked on. Or when there is bad tot, I would create pleasureable tot to 'close' it off. But the problem is that I got hooked. I am now slowly but surely realise content-less state is the way to go.)
Relationships is a mixture of good and bad (4)
Oct 24 Eve
Father, I now am comfortable with Dynalinga. Did my surka kriya.
Visited Linga since L mentioned it was good (L and I always seem to meet each other, BSP, Shoonya and now). We shared about our tots, we seem aligned. I told her about my blog and articles, she is keen to see.
Linga, I went in, just as a formality and tot the place is cosy. Then I sat down, immediately, my head shakes and body too. I wasn't expecting this. The finale, I started to laugh, that's was also surprising. My feel is that the presence is Me.
Diamond Heart
With the idealised relationship; If u reject ur hatred, split away from ur hatred, ur love becomes unreal, because it is based on an idealisation, an unreality. Usually u will be disappointed at some point because the idealised image is not sustainable.
With the negative rship, at some point u will have to get out of it.
The frustrating one means there is no relationship there anyway; it is just something that u want and cannot have. Most people who are not in a relationship but are always wanting one, tend to engage in the frustrating relationship. They have an idea in their mind that they should have a good rship but they are destined not to get it. If they got it, they would have to deal with the splitting in their rships, the feeling of aloneness that arises, the absence of rship, the absence of contact.
Father, I now am comfortable with Dynalinga. Did my surka kriya.
Visited Linga since L mentioned it was good (L and I always seem to meet each other, BSP, Shoonya and now). We shared about our tots, we seem aligned. I told her about my blog and articles, she is keen to see.
Linga, I went in, just as a formality and tot the place is cosy. Then I sat down, immediately, my head shakes and body too. I wasn't expecting this. The finale, I started to laugh, that's was also surprising. My feel is that the presence is Me.
Diamond Heart
With the idealised relationship; If u reject ur hatred, split away from ur hatred, ur love becomes unreal, because it is based on an idealisation, an unreality. Usually u will be disappointed at some point because the idealised image is not sustainable.
With the negative rship, at some point u will have to get out of it.
The frustrating one means there is no relationship there anyway; it is just something that u want and cannot have. Most people who are not in a relationship but are always wanting one, tend to engage in the frustrating relationship. They have an idea in their mind that they should have a good rship but they are destined not to get it. If they got it, they would have to deal with the splitting in their rships, the feeling of aloneness that arises, the absence of rship, the absence of contact.
Samyama Refresher (2)
Oct 23
Father, now in Chennai. Thanks for giving me the big book by Ken Follett at 25 dollars only. I also got the book for D. And now, I found the restaurant. Food doesn't look good but at least I have a nice and cosy place to rest. Pricey but I can afford it and I have a nice resting place.
Father, I think I overdid with reading the fiction and now left shoulder is pain and I think tomorrow will be bad. Will take 1 day to recover. Had to read cos need to kill time. Really didn't want to go thru such 10 hours in the airport. Why did the flight always arrive around 45 min earlier, I think perhaps to avoid people taking other connecting flight.
When I arrive here, I tot why am I here? Is not as if the samyama can transform me. And here I go again to pay the 'price' of coming here. Then a tot came, go with the flow. I have no conscious plan at all to come and infact consciously don't plan to come and here I am. Just fall into it.
Osho
1. Issue
Worth - on the virtue of worthlessness
Don't be bothered too much about utilitarian ends. Rather, constantly remember that u r not here in life to become a commodity. U r here to become more and more alive; more and more happy. Then more and more people can share ur happiness.
Remain unknown, don't try to be first, don't be competitive, don't try to prove ur worth. Remain useless and enjoy. Life is to enjoy and celebrate; it should be like a poetry, a song, a dance.
Soul
Yea. So what if I cannot materialise my destiny. I just focus on being more and more contented, more and more joyful and continue to do my writing.
2. External influence u r aware
Failure - the open secret of success.
Drop the choice and u r free everywhere - freedom can only be in choicelessness. The wave of in the ocean never thinks of itself as separate, so wherever the ocean is taking her, she is willingly, joyously moving in that direction.
There is no private goal to be attained by you. You flow with God. God's goal is ur goal, his destiny is ur destiny. Forget abt ur private destiny.
Failure means u-minus-God. Succes is equal to u-plus-God
Soul
Exactly. I don't know why I am in this samyama refresher. But everything just flow here, I can't say no to Samyama refresher cos everything just fall in place.
I am not even expecting any outcome. U want me to do, I do.
3. Inner influences u r unaware
The journey - even if u have broken ur vow a thousand times.
Become religious out of joy, out of the experience of beauty that surrounds u, out of the immense gift of life that God has given to u. Become religious out of thankfulness.
4. Direction of growth - new understanding
Ego - the woman and the river crossing.
Never fight with greed, ego, jealousy, hatred .... U cannot kill them, u cannot crush them. All u can do is just to be aware of them ... And the moment u r aware, they are gone. In the light, the darkness simply disappears.
5. Key to integration
No mind - the ultimate and the inexpressible.
The state of no-mind is the state of the divine. God is not a tot but the experience of totlessness
When the consciousness is not going out to any object, when there is nothing to see, nothing to think, just emptiness all around, then one falls upon oneself. There is nowhere to go .. One relaxes into one's source and the source is God.
Father, now in Chennai. Thanks for giving me the big book by Ken Follett at 25 dollars only. I also got the book for D. And now, I found the restaurant. Food doesn't look good but at least I have a nice and cosy place to rest. Pricey but I can afford it and I have a nice resting place.
Father, I think I overdid with reading the fiction and now left shoulder is pain and I think tomorrow will be bad. Will take 1 day to recover. Had to read cos need to kill time. Really didn't want to go thru such 10 hours in the airport. Why did the flight always arrive around 45 min earlier, I think perhaps to avoid people taking other connecting flight.
When I arrive here, I tot why am I here? Is not as if the samyama can transform me. And here I go again to pay the 'price' of coming here. Then a tot came, go with the flow. I have no conscious plan at all to come and infact consciously don't plan to come and here I am. Just fall into it.
Osho
1. Issue
Worth - on the virtue of worthlessness
Don't be bothered too much about utilitarian ends. Rather, constantly remember that u r not here in life to become a commodity. U r here to become more and more alive; more and more happy. Then more and more people can share ur happiness.
Remain unknown, don't try to be first, don't be competitive, don't try to prove ur worth. Remain useless and enjoy. Life is to enjoy and celebrate; it should be like a poetry, a song, a dance.
Soul
Yea. So what if I cannot materialise my destiny. I just focus on being more and more contented, more and more joyful and continue to do my writing.
2. External influence u r aware
Failure - the open secret of success.
Drop the choice and u r free everywhere - freedom can only be in choicelessness. The wave of in the ocean never thinks of itself as separate, so wherever the ocean is taking her, she is willingly, joyously moving in that direction.
There is no private goal to be attained by you. You flow with God. God's goal is ur goal, his destiny is ur destiny. Forget abt ur private destiny.
Failure means u-minus-God. Succes is equal to u-plus-God
Soul
Exactly. I don't know why I am in this samyama refresher. But everything just flow here, I can't say no to Samyama refresher cos everything just fall in place.
I am not even expecting any outcome. U want me to do, I do.
3. Inner influences u r unaware
The journey - even if u have broken ur vow a thousand times.
Become religious out of joy, out of the experience of beauty that surrounds u, out of the immense gift of life that God has given to u. Become religious out of thankfulness.
4. Direction of growth - new understanding
Ego - the woman and the river crossing.
Never fight with greed, ego, jealousy, hatred .... U cannot kill them, u cannot crush them. All u can do is just to be aware of them ... And the moment u r aware, they are gone. In the light, the darkness simply disappears.
5. Key to integration
No mind - the ultimate and the inexpressible.
The state of no-mind is the state of the divine. God is not a tot but the experience of totlessness
When the consciousness is not going out to any object, when there is nothing to see, nothing to think, just emptiness all around, then one falls upon oneself. There is nowhere to go .. One relaxes into one's source and the source is God.
Relationships is a mixture of good and bad (3)
Oct 22 Evening
Father, showed CEO her card. She also said it is reflective of her experience this year. She told me that she now even repair her rship with her brother. She used the learning of rship with GM for her rship with husband and others. We shared our issue with money, the need for control, the tots of future, taking things personally, always about us.
Father, I tot I was alone in the journey. Surprisingly CEO is now in the journey with me. She admitted that her response now is mostly neutrel. She too is amazed at her change. I told her she is a fast learner.
(Nov 28 - Finally the Ace of Spade - Death/Transformation card is known. Her retirement is on beginning of her birthday and not end. So, her retirement is one year earlier. So, this is a year of letting go.)
Diamond Heart
Love is the flow of your nature. Hatred is the reaction to that flow being blocked, that's all. Whenever there is hatred, whenever there is negativity, there is love somewhere. If there was no love, there would be no hatred.
There is ultimately no such thing as an all-good relationship. As long as we are embodied in a physical body, there will be difficulty and frustration. Because there is heart, there is love, we can live, we can take in that difficulty, that frustration. We can tolerate it, and continue loving and continue being happy.
The more we allow ourselves to be, and to be in contact, the more we are able to perceive the difficulties, the frustrations, the painful feelings and emotions, the more we are able to accept and tolerate them. We are more able to absorb them, contain them, assimilate them into something larger, something indestructible, which is the heart.
The courageous heart is all inclusive.
When the heart is courageous, then love is unconditional. When the heart is afraid, then love is conditional.
To be always loving, does not mean that u do not defend yourself.
The courageous perceives the negativity and deal it with love. It means u can be inwardly alone and independent.
Father, showed CEO her card. She also said it is reflective of her experience this year. She told me that she now even repair her rship with her brother. She used the learning of rship with GM for her rship with husband and others. We shared our issue with money, the need for control, the tots of future, taking things personally, always about us.
Father, I tot I was alone in the journey. Surprisingly CEO is now in the journey with me. She admitted that her response now is mostly neutrel. She too is amazed at her change. I told her she is a fast learner.
(Nov 28 - Finally the Ace of Spade - Death/Transformation card is known. Her retirement is on beginning of her birthday and not end. So, her retirement is one year earlier. So, this is a year of letting go.)
Diamond Heart
Love is the flow of your nature. Hatred is the reaction to that flow being blocked, that's all. Whenever there is hatred, whenever there is negativity, there is love somewhere. If there was no love, there would be no hatred.
There is ultimately no such thing as an all-good relationship. As long as we are embodied in a physical body, there will be difficulty and frustration. Because there is heart, there is love, we can live, we can take in that difficulty, that frustration. We can tolerate it, and continue loving and continue being happy.
The more we allow ourselves to be, and to be in contact, the more we are able to perceive the difficulties, the frustrations, the painful feelings and emotions, the more we are able to accept and tolerate them. We are more able to absorb them, contain them, assimilate them into something larger, something indestructible, which is the heart.
The courageous heart is all inclusive.
When the heart is courageous, then love is unconditional. When the heart is afraid, then love is conditional.
To be always loving, does not mean that u do not defend yourself.
The courageous perceives the negativity and deal it with love. It means u can be inwardly alone and independent.
Relationships is a mixture of good and bad (2)
Oct 22 Afternoon
Father, thank U. My office work is now getting smoother.
Diamond Heart
Three kind of relationship in ur mind;
1. All-good ideal - wonderfully good, powerful, perfect and etc. U will be taken care of, loved and etc.
(U can be sure ur feeling of being in love is in ur mind, and not real)
2. Frustrating other - exciting, wonderful but unavailable. The other person is the yummy one that u always want but u cannot have.
(U do not want ur hope to become real, eventhough u r always complaining about it)
3. Hostile - u feel unwanted, rejected, or hated, or vice versa, where u r the one who is not wanting, rejecting, hateful and hostile.
(U r engaged with either the person or in ur mind. Ur mind need the rship for its own equilibrium. That is why some people feel rejected in most of their relationships, whatever happens, they take it as rejection. If someone turns their head away, they feel rejected. If someone says something, they feel rejected. If someone does not says something, they feel rejected. It would be difficult to convince them that the rejection is not true, then the person's mind will lose its equilibrium)
Most human suffering comes as a result of these mental relationships.
The real relationship usually contains elements of all three kinds of mental relationships. With any human being, there is satisfaction, fulfillment, and love, there is some negativity, anger, and hatred, and there is frustration.
The real relationship is the rship where these three are acknowledged, where the person realises, "Yes, of course, I love this person, but I know he is angry with me," or "I do not like this or that, but I still like her anyway.". Even when we are feeling rejected or hated or hateful, it does not make us forget that we love each other.
Soul
Tamil teacher didn't reply. Neither did An and also the editor,K. Surprisingly, it doesn't affect me.
With T - I tot he can't find anyone, so don't revert
With A - his brother can't fetch me, so don't revert
With Editor, she probably bz and hasn't read my articles and hence didn't revert.
Diamond Heart
The mind does not allow us to keep the totality of the rship in perspective.
The moment u split up the Three, make it all positive, or all frustrating or all hostile, u r not in contact. U r in ur mind then. U r operating through ur tots, and emotional reactions which are reacting to ur own tots. U think u r reacting to the other persons.
And we are very attached to these mental relationships because we do not want to see the totality of the situation. We do not want to be in contact with the real relationship. That would be devastating for a part of our mind that is based on splitting.
Engaging in mental relationships involves all the judging and blaming of the other or oneself, or the idealisation of the other, or grandiosity about oneself. This splitting is a protective mechanism that the ego employs to continue existing. The ego cannot exist if there is true relationship. The ego continued survival depends on this separation of relationship into black and white.
The resolution is to be aware, and to allow, accept and acknowledge the real relationship that is actually happening instead of trying to make it something different from what it is.But to be able to do that, u need to manifest what I called the courageous heart. The real relationship is the rship of the courageous heart. If u look at the reason u split ur relationships, the reason u do not see them as they are, u will see it is because u are a coward in ur heart. You are scared.
Because when u r splitting rship, making them black or white, good or bad, what u r doing is separating love from hatred. You are separating what u see as the good feelings in ur heart from what u call the negative feelings. U either feel love, by itself, or u feel a negative feeling by itself. You do not let them co-exist. You do that mainly to protect ur love. You are afraid of the negative feelings. If the other person is good, the rships is good, u r loving and u allow ur heart to be there. The moment something negative comes in, it brings in the negative mental rship.
Soul
Exactly. Like the incident with GM. I was having negative tots on a roll when I think she didn't do her role as GM. As my tots were sprouting and I didn't feel good. A tot came, she and I have worked for 2 years and I do like her and she has been responsive so far. So, why now becomes so negative and think she won't be responsible. So, I stop my train of angry tots and focus on our good rship. Like yday, on Rolling, my ire started but I said why don't I teach her on her role instead so I need not keep on harping on it, making myself angry and she oblivious. Internal commn without result.
Similar case betwen C and me, which I have offer the "tree".
Diamond Heart
A courageous heart is a heart willing to love regardless of the negativity. It will love inspite of the badness. Is the heart that love regardless of what happens.
What splitting does, more than anything else, is to close the heart. U r not allowing ur love to be unconditional. U respond lovingly only under certain conditions, or with certain manifestations of the other.
Soul
No wonder at first I faced uncertainty over CEO and then later GM. I felt I was against CEO, so now how can I go for her. Later I just give her the support when she repeatedly ask for it.
With the GM, at first I was with her and then later I turn against, I felt bad. Then I now can do both. I accept both CEO and GM. I can see their weakness and appreciate their strength.
Father, not only CEO and GM. I faced with my staff S, P and W, when they were having a confict. It is not easy to have both love and anger at the same time. Coincidentally, all happen after I came back from samyama. That's the main reason for my stress resulting in RA. Aiyoh. Howlah.
Father, thank U. My office work is now getting smoother.
Diamond Heart
Three kind of relationship in ur mind;
1. All-good ideal - wonderfully good, powerful, perfect and etc. U will be taken care of, loved and etc.
(U can be sure ur feeling of being in love is in ur mind, and not real)
2. Frustrating other - exciting, wonderful but unavailable. The other person is the yummy one that u always want but u cannot have.
(U do not want ur hope to become real, eventhough u r always complaining about it)
3. Hostile - u feel unwanted, rejected, or hated, or vice versa, where u r the one who is not wanting, rejecting, hateful and hostile.
(U r engaged with either the person or in ur mind. Ur mind need the rship for its own equilibrium. That is why some people feel rejected in most of their relationships, whatever happens, they take it as rejection. If someone turns their head away, they feel rejected. If someone says something, they feel rejected. If someone does not says something, they feel rejected. It would be difficult to convince them that the rejection is not true, then the person's mind will lose its equilibrium)
Most human suffering comes as a result of these mental relationships.
The real relationship usually contains elements of all three kinds of mental relationships. With any human being, there is satisfaction, fulfillment, and love, there is some negativity, anger, and hatred, and there is frustration.
The real relationship is the rship where these three are acknowledged, where the person realises, "Yes, of course, I love this person, but I know he is angry with me," or "I do not like this or that, but I still like her anyway.". Even when we are feeling rejected or hated or hateful, it does not make us forget that we love each other.
Soul
Tamil teacher didn't reply. Neither did An and also the editor,K. Surprisingly, it doesn't affect me.
With T - I tot he can't find anyone, so don't revert
With A - his brother can't fetch me, so don't revert
With Editor, she probably bz and hasn't read my articles and hence didn't revert.
Diamond Heart
The mind does not allow us to keep the totality of the rship in perspective.
The moment u split up the Three, make it all positive, or all frustrating or all hostile, u r not in contact. U r in ur mind then. U r operating through ur tots, and emotional reactions which are reacting to ur own tots. U think u r reacting to the other persons.
And we are very attached to these mental relationships because we do not want to see the totality of the situation. We do not want to be in contact with the real relationship. That would be devastating for a part of our mind that is based on splitting.
Engaging in mental relationships involves all the judging and blaming of the other or oneself, or the idealisation of the other, or grandiosity about oneself. This splitting is a protective mechanism that the ego employs to continue existing. The ego cannot exist if there is true relationship. The ego continued survival depends on this separation of relationship into black and white.
The resolution is to be aware, and to allow, accept and acknowledge the real relationship that is actually happening instead of trying to make it something different from what it is.But to be able to do that, u need to manifest what I called the courageous heart. The real relationship is the rship of the courageous heart. If u look at the reason u split ur relationships, the reason u do not see them as they are, u will see it is because u are a coward in ur heart. You are scared.
Because when u r splitting rship, making them black or white, good or bad, what u r doing is separating love from hatred. You are separating what u see as the good feelings in ur heart from what u call the negative feelings. U either feel love, by itself, or u feel a negative feeling by itself. You do not let them co-exist. You do that mainly to protect ur love. You are afraid of the negative feelings. If the other person is good, the rships is good, u r loving and u allow ur heart to be there. The moment something negative comes in, it brings in the negative mental rship.
Soul
Exactly. Like the incident with GM. I was having negative tots on a roll when I think she didn't do her role as GM. As my tots were sprouting and I didn't feel good. A tot came, she and I have worked for 2 years and I do like her and she has been responsive so far. So, why now becomes so negative and think she won't be responsible. So, I stop my train of angry tots and focus on our good rship. Like yday, on Rolling, my ire started but I said why don't I teach her on her role instead so I need not keep on harping on it, making myself angry and she oblivious. Internal commn without result.
Similar case betwen C and me, which I have offer the "tree".
Diamond Heart
A courageous heart is a heart willing to love regardless of the negativity. It will love inspite of the badness. Is the heart that love regardless of what happens.
What splitting does, more than anything else, is to close the heart. U r not allowing ur love to be unconditional. U respond lovingly only under certain conditions, or with certain manifestations of the other.
Soul
No wonder at first I faced uncertainty over CEO and then later GM. I felt I was against CEO, so now how can I go for her. Later I just give her the support when she repeatedly ask for it.
With the GM, at first I was with her and then later I turn against, I felt bad. Then I now can do both. I accept both CEO and GM. I can see their weakness and appreciate their strength.
Father, not only CEO and GM. I faced with my staff S, P and W, when they were having a confict. It is not easy to have both love and anger at the same time. Coincidentally, all happen after I came back from samyama. That's the main reason for my stress resulting in RA. Aiyoh. Howlah.
Relationships is a mixture of good and bad, thats the reality
Oct 22
Father, I felt sleepy during breathing. Few times caught myself going to sleep. Guess Osho card was right. I was lazy. But Shambavi was good. After the chakra clearing in Soul Sister pgm, my aum chanting is much better and I now like it.
This morning tot of doing my writing in chennai airport.
My good friend P jus send me a msg.
Hope u'll find the peace n love you've been seeking for all these years on this trip... My prayers n blessings go with u. Namaste.
I told her no expectation. Also, I was lazy and only did 30 percent of preparation. I guess partly due to I no longer have expectation of samyama. Me, going there is just to deepen my meditation. Even not expecting that I can do samyama meditation then.
Yesterday, office phone was cut due to delayed payment. While I did assert my displeasure at my team, I wasn't that anxious about it. Surprisingly CEO also was not angry and nicely told me to ensure it doesn't arise again.
Yday, finally overcome my initial resentment of GM for not playing the role. This time I took charge and guide her to track revenue. In future, the variance is her responsibility. She will also ensure Rolling Forecast is updated monthly. Amazing improvement. Yea!
Her long range card was Queen of Diamond - learning to manage biz and coincidentally her KPI is business mgm, she also want to take mba pgm.
And I am Queen of Diamond, the one to guide her. Father, now that I accepted the role of her guide, I felt better. Guess, me resisting to teach/give again. Must remember giving is receiving. By giving to her, I will receive the benefit of being freed from business responsibility. My 3 days week (Tue to Thu) for Jan 2011 looks real.
Diamond Heart
The mind tends to see relationships in black and white - a relationship is either purely good or purely bad.
When u see the person as bad, u tend to see them as purely bad, and u react in a way that makes the whole relationship frustrating, hostile or bad.
When we see the person as good, we believe we have a good relationship, a purely positive relationship, with the hope that it will continue to become more and more positive. This negative hope will make u want to exclude, not allow, not recognise, not acknowledge the negative aspects of it.
In reality, it is a mixture of good and bad. But u do not allow urself to have both at the same time. The moment we perceive the good, we want it to be all good. The moment we perceive the bad, we feel disappointed and hurt.
In a real relationship, what actually happens, the interaction that actually occurs, is rarely purely one way or the other. Interactions are mixtures of various proportions. Our mind does not let us acknowledge and live according to reality, but is always thinking in terms of absolute. When ur friend is bad, u respond is a completely reactive way.
Soul
True. But I now have enough experience to know that its a mixture. Father, both my close friends in this passion of mine has been procrastinating and delayed my plan considerably. Firstly C and now I think V too. With C it was unexpected and the latest, didn't reply my sms or call me back. With V, it was expected cos his follow thru is not good.
So, instead of waiting and create unnecessary frustration. I asked for timeline. With C, I had to do the ultimatum before she send me the cds, which absolutely a no-brainer. I now think that she wan to learn with me concurrently. Since she is bz, she delayed me too. With V, he has improved somewhat.
Perhaps its me, I was also procrastinating and hence create situation like this.
(Nov 28 - yeap, V is busy. Anyway, I found another outsource agent. Will know by next week, if V agrees and then can go full force. I also found my Proof Reader)
Father, I felt sleepy during breathing. Few times caught myself going to sleep. Guess Osho card was right. I was lazy. But Shambavi was good. After the chakra clearing in Soul Sister pgm, my aum chanting is much better and I now like it.
This morning tot of doing my writing in chennai airport.
My good friend P jus send me a msg.
Hope u'll find the peace n love you've been seeking for all these years on this trip... My prayers n blessings go with u. Namaste.
I told her no expectation. Also, I was lazy and only did 30 percent of preparation. I guess partly due to I no longer have expectation of samyama. Me, going there is just to deepen my meditation. Even not expecting that I can do samyama meditation then.
Yesterday, office phone was cut due to delayed payment. While I did assert my displeasure at my team, I wasn't that anxious about it. Surprisingly CEO also was not angry and nicely told me to ensure it doesn't arise again.
Yday, finally overcome my initial resentment of GM for not playing the role. This time I took charge and guide her to track revenue. In future, the variance is her responsibility. She will also ensure Rolling Forecast is updated monthly. Amazing improvement. Yea!
Her long range card was Queen of Diamond - learning to manage biz and coincidentally her KPI is business mgm, she also want to take mba pgm.
And I am Queen of Diamond, the one to guide her. Father, now that I accepted the role of her guide, I felt better. Guess, me resisting to teach/give again. Must remember giving is receiving. By giving to her, I will receive the benefit of being freed from business responsibility. My 3 days week (Tue to Thu) for Jan 2011 looks real.
Diamond Heart
The mind tends to see relationships in black and white - a relationship is either purely good or purely bad.
When u see the person as bad, u tend to see them as purely bad, and u react in a way that makes the whole relationship frustrating, hostile or bad.
When we see the person as good, we believe we have a good relationship, a purely positive relationship, with the hope that it will continue to become more and more positive. This negative hope will make u want to exclude, not allow, not recognise, not acknowledge the negative aspects of it.
In reality, it is a mixture of good and bad. But u do not allow urself to have both at the same time. The moment we perceive the good, we want it to be all good. The moment we perceive the bad, we feel disappointed and hurt.
In a real relationship, what actually happens, the interaction that actually occurs, is rarely purely one way or the other. Interactions are mixtures of various proportions. Our mind does not let us acknowledge and live according to reality, but is always thinking in terms of absolute. When ur friend is bad, u respond is a completely reactive way.
Soul
True. But I now have enough experience to know that its a mixture. Father, both my close friends in this passion of mine has been procrastinating and delayed my plan considerably. Firstly C and now I think V too. With C it was unexpected and the latest, didn't reply my sms or call me back. With V, it was expected cos his follow thru is not good.
So, instead of waiting and create unnecessary frustration. I asked for timeline. With C, I had to do the ultimatum before she send me the cds, which absolutely a no-brainer. I now think that she wan to learn with me concurrently. Since she is bz, she delayed me too. With V, he has improved somewhat.
Perhaps its me, I was also procrastinating and hence create situation like this.
(Nov 28 - yeap, V is busy. Anyway, I found another outsource agent. Will know by next week, if V agrees and then can go full force. I also found my Proof Reader)
Your own Passion is the second step to healing
Oct 21
Father, today I dozed off after breathing meditation. Yday, dozed off after shambavi. Father, not sure if this is good or not. I have never dozed off before. Today, even more deep as I was even having a dream.
Diamond Heart
The fundamental problem is an issue of identity. We are the elephant taking itself to be mosquito. The mosquito think it does not have enough food or the right mate, or it still hasn't found its work in life. But the mosquito will not know what its right work is until it realised that it is an elephant. Only then might it stop trying to accomplish job that require flying.
Soul
Yea. That's why I believe Passion List is the key. Without it, we go scrambling around getting something we may not even want.
Diamond Heart
Suffering persists as long as u take urself to be a person who was a child, who is now a woman/man, with this occupation, and this name and so on. Your past affects you and determines your joy or your pain only if you take yourself to be the person that you have always thought you are.
You can be free from that character only if you eliminate that history and you can eliminate that history only if u realise that it is not ur history, only if u begin to perceive beyond the appearance of things.
The less repression you have to hold on to, the easier it is for u just to be, to let go. When u can do what u r doing in a relaxed way, it is possible to just be. When u can just be, then it is possible to see the reality of things.
The world of appearance has a certain pattern or flavour. Certain patterns in the way u do things are always repeated; the same kind of tots and preferences persist. You live in a certain groove, determined by ur history, and that groove, ur personal groove does not change until its basis is gone. Its basis is the belief that appearance is reality.
When we believe so completely in what appears, we do not see that we are somewhat responsible for the way we see things. We think that everything is thrust upon us, everything is given. But reality is not like that. You are the one projecting the whole universe outside of u.
Our Work is not just to be free of the inner critic, or free from emotional conditioning, not simply to be successful. We want to move freeing the ultimate basis of suffering, not the relative suffering that comes from our history.
We are beings who exists in two worlds at the same time, while believing that we exist in one world, the world we know. But the way we need to live is with one foot in each world all the time. With one foot in the appearance, and one in the reality, we will never forget one or the other.
Who we actually are is the bridge between two worlds. We are both worlds and we are also the connection.
Soul
Osho - Zorba.
Diamond Heart
Issues and difficulties are not the only stepping stones towards reality. You need also ur interest, ur curiosity, ur appreciation of, and love for, the truth. Your essential experience will help counteract ur emotional identification. However such experience is not an end in itself. It is not something u get. It is a tool u use to keep seeking deeper truth.
Father, today I dozed off after breathing meditation. Yday, dozed off after shambavi. Father, not sure if this is good or not. I have never dozed off before. Today, even more deep as I was even having a dream.
Diamond Heart
The fundamental problem is an issue of identity. We are the elephant taking itself to be mosquito. The mosquito think it does not have enough food or the right mate, or it still hasn't found its work in life. But the mosquito will not know what its right work is until it realised that it is an elephant. Only then might it stop trying to accomplish job that require flying.
Soul
Yea. That's why I believe Passion List is the key. Without it, we go scrambling around getting something we may not even want.
Diamond Heart
Suffering persists as long as u take urself to be a person who was a child, who is now a woman/man, with this occupation, and this name and so on. Your past affects you and determines your joy or your pain only if you take yourself to be the person that you have always thought you are.
You can be free from that character only if you eliminate that history and you can eliminate that history only if u realise that it is not ur history, only if u begin to perceive beyond the appearance of things.
The less repression you have to hold on to, the easier it is for u just to be, to let go. When u can do what u r doing in a relaxed way, it is possible to just be. When u can just be, then it is possible to see the reality of things.
The world of appearance has a certain pattern or flavour. Certain patterns in the way u do things are always repeated; the same kind of tots and preferences persist. You live in a certain groove, determined by ur history, and that groove, ur personal groove does not change until its basis is gone. Its basis is the belief that appearance is reality.
When we believe so completely in what appears, we do not see that we are somewhat responsible for the way we see things. We think that everything is thrust upon us, everything is given. But reality is not like that. You are the one projecting the whole universe outside of u.
Our Work is not just to be free of the inner critic, or free from emotional conditioning, not simply to be successful. We want to move freeing the ultimate basis of suffering, not the relative suffering that comes from our history.
We are beings who exists in two worlds at the same time, while believing that we exist in one world, the world we know. But the way we need to live is with one foot in each world all the time. With one foot in the appearance, and one in the reality, we will never forget one or the other.
Who we actually are is the bridge between two worlds. We are both worlds and we are also the connection.
Soul
Osho - Zorba.
Diamond Heart
Issues and difficulties are not the only stepping stones towards reality. You need also ur interest, ur curiosity, ur appreciation of, and love for, the truth. Your essential experience will help counteract ur emotional identification. However such experience is not an end in itself. It is not something u get. It is a tool u use to keep seeking deeper truth.
Why outer ransformation doesnt happen to me (7)
Oct 20
Father, why am I judging and defending myself, even before I saw the mail. At first I tot I was judging the teacher, but on second tot, I am judging myself for not wanting to volunteer. And at the same time I was also defending myself.
Gut feel is I don't want to volunteer, but I guess this may not be what I think should be, that's why the guilt is there. Mmm, suddenly tot that before anger, there is judging.
Judge
Anger
Hurt
Guilt
Fear
Love.
Anyway, nutshell is I don't want to volunteer.
Ah, now I realised. Guess the fear is that until now I haven't transformed.
But now I know that I need not use others transformation as a comparison. I am not them. They may do the normal transformation, but they can't get into the depth of truth that I can.
Mmm, no wonder Osho card - Comparison.
Diamond Heart
Two main motivation to do the Work
1. Compassion. Awareness of suffering in one's life and in the lives of other people, along with the desire to be free from suffering.
- Free from something
You want to be free from suffering becos u love urself and this love takes the form of compassion toward urself.
2. Love. Wanting to know the truth. Wanting to know what is really happening here.
- wanting towards something.
This Work that we do is tough and almost impossible. So, it is best not to give yourself a hard time about it. You need to learn to be patient, to not judge or criticise urself when things do not happen the way u think they should.
If u r too pessimistic, u will create a lot of heaviness. If u r too optimistic, u will create too many disappointments. Balance is the way.
Transitory or superficial changes can happen in a short time, but real changes, fundamental changes that will last forever, takes years of work.
Compare yourself between now and a few years ago, don't do week or month.
Soul
Osho card on comparison. Very timely as I have been judging myself for lack of transformation. I am now at peace. Its true I may not have transformed like others but I have transformed based on my own personality, inwardly rather on outwardly.
Delayed gratification on food, lovely swim, less resentment on authority, less attachment to job and money, physically healty than I was ever before, so little worry. Sleep abt 4 hours instead of 7 hours. 3 hour afternoon nap instead of 2 hours nap.
Suddenly realised it was my Inner critic at work.
(Nov 28 - Finally touching my conscience level - going thru my issue on worry/guilt)
Diamond Heart
U need to encourage urself, instead of discouraging urself. So, patience is of the utmost important. Enjoy ur life as u go. You are not just working towards a goal and forgetting about what u r doing in ur life now. This Work is going to take a long time.
The nature of the Work is not to achieve a particular goal or a certain state. It is about growing up, becoming more of a human being, and actualising ur potential.
Soul
Amen. Both Osho and Diamond Heart on same track.
Diamond Heart
The ultimate objective of the Work is not to solve the usual emotional problems that everyone has. The basis of all emotional problem, of all mental suffering is taking appearances to be the only fundamental reality.
Soul
This is same as mine morning insight that judging comes before emotion of anger.
Diamond Heart
Emotional problem and psychological issues need to be worked on, explored and understood, so that u have an opportunity to do the more fundamental work, the work of discovering reality. If u do not work through ur emotional problems, ur mind will be filled with them. Your mind needs to be somewhat unburdened from these issues before u can even be interested in looking deeper.
Soul
This is the laziness card I got this week.
this poolside resort is not ur final destination. The journey isn't over yet. Your complacency might have arisen from a real sense of achievement, but now its time to move on.
I have explored all my emotional problems and difficulties in life has been managedI tot I would rest.
Diamond Heart
It is important to remember that our emotional issues, our difficulties in life, are not our basic focus in the Work. The point is not only to be free from them, it is to enable us to look deeper into what is not apparent.
The problems and issues will never disappears if u stay on the level of issues. The fundamental problem is an issue of identity. The basis of these problems is that we have a certain way of looking at reality. We r the elephant taking itself to be a mosquito.
Soul
Finally read the mail by teacher. As expected, she wasn't too happy and asked if she is asking too much. But followed by saying she herself alone managed it instead of now allocation to 3 persons.
I was able to reply her calmly and reiterate that I will be away and will only be back after her deadline. And I even went further to ask
Father, why am I judging and defending myself, even before I saw the mail. At first I tot I was judging the teacher, but on second tot, I am judging myself for not wanting to volunteer. And at the same time I was also defending myself.
Gut feel is I don't want to volunteer, but I guess this may not be what I think should be, that's why the guilt is there. Mmm, suddenly tot that before anger, there is judging.
Judge
Anger
Hurt
Guilt
Fear
Love.
Anyway, nutshell is I don't want to volunteer.
Ah, now I realised. Guess the fear is that until now I haven't transformed.
But now I know that I need not use others transformation as a comparison. I am not them. They may do the normal transformation, but they can't get into the depth of truth that I can.
Mmm, no wonder Osho card - Comparison.
Diamond Heart
Two main motivation to do the Work
1. Compassion. Awareness of suffering in one's life and in the lives of other people, along with the desire to be free from suffering.
- Free from something
You want to be free from suffering becos u love urself and this love takes the form of compassion toward urself.
2. Love. Wanting to know the truth. Wanting to know what is really happening here.
- wanting towards something.
This Work that we do is tough and almost impossible. So, it is best not to give yourself a hard time about it. You need to learn to be patient, to not judge or criticise urself when things do not happen the way u think they should.
If u r too pessimistic, u will create a lot of heaviness. If u r too optimistic, u will create too many disappointments. Balance is the way.
Transitory or superficial changes can happen in a short time, but real changes, fundamental changes that will last forever, takes years of work.
Compare yourself between now and a few years ago, don't do week or month.
Soul
Osho card on comparison. Very timely as I have been judging myself for lack of transformation. I am now at peace. Its true I may not have transformed like others but I have transformed based on my own personality, inwardly rather on outwardly.
Delayed gratification on food, lovely swim, less resentment on authority, less attachment to job and money, physically healty than I was ever before, so little worry. Sleep abt 4 hours instead of 7 hours. 3 hour afternoon nap instead of 2 hours nap.
Suddenly realised it was my Inner critic at work.
(Nov 28 - Finally touching my conscience level - going thru my issue on worry/guilt)
Diamond Heart
U need to encourage urself, instead of discouraging urself. So, patience is of the utmost important. Enjoy ur life as u go. You are not just working towards a goal and forgetting about what u r doing in ur life now. This Work is going to take a long time.
The nature of the Work is not to achieve a particular goal or a certain state. It is about growing up, becoming more of a human being, and actualising ur potential.
Soul
Amen. Both Osho and Diamond Heart on same track.
Diamond Heart
The ultimate objective of the Work is not to solve the usual emotional problems that everyone has. The basis of all emotional problem, of all mental suffering is taking appearances to be the only fundamental reality.
Soul
This is same as mine morning insight that judging comes before emotion of anger.
Diamond Heart
Emotional problem and psychological issues need to be worked on, explored and understood, so that u have an opportunity to do the more fundamental work, the work of discovering reality. If u do not work through ur emotional problems, ur mind will be filled with them. Your mind needs to be somewhat unburdened from these issues before u can even be interested in looking deeper.
Soul
This is the laziness card I got this week.
this poolside resort is not ur final destination. The journey isn't over yet. Your complacency might have arisen from a real sense of achievement, but now its time to move on.
I have explored all my emotional problems and difficulties in life has been managedI tot I would rest.
Diamond Heart
It is important to remember that our emotional issues, our difficulties in life, are not our basic focus in the Work. The point is not only to be free from them, it is to enable us to look deeper into what is not apparent.
The problems and issues will never disappears if u stay on the level of issues. The fundamental problem is an issue of identity. The basis of these problems is that we have a certain way of looking at reality. We r the elephant taking itself to be a mosquito.
Soul
Finally read the mail by teacher. As expected, she wasn't too happy and asked if she is asking too much. But followed by saying she herself alone managed it instead of now allocation to 3 persons.
I was able to reply her calmly and reiterate that I will be away and will only be back after her deadline. And I even went further to ask
Worry unnecessarily
Oct 18
Me, m fine. Despite the pain of left shoulder, left leg and right elbow, I did my asanas. It was painful but its worth it. Need to check out my awareness sheet.
Yea, now knew why feeling down cos no more window shopping on potential partner and d guy didn't initiate. So, unknowingly tot my wish not granted. Well, its window shopping and I have not buy yet. So, I desire love and money. My wishes, grant me.
Father, GM acting up with tooth ache. Since its mouth, I think relates to suppressed anger.
Afternoon
Yea, took me just 2 hours to complete the budget. Was done by 1 pm despite hiccup.
Also on ikea furniture, I don't even have to go and the period extended.
New biz and profitability meeting postpone. Yea. Everything was cleared.
Father, my worry was unnecessary.
Evening
Father, just now tot that perhaps I got too many things running. I want to focus on d writing and my website first. As for 7thunder, I can do it during weekend.
So, for morning, focus on writing.
Today is a fine day, everything turns out well. My worry was for nothing.
When a colleague asked me why I took up meditation? I told her that's because I worry too much. She was surprised and say that I look like a happy go lucky person, and definitely not like a worrier. Well, I am, especially the Sunday before Monday. She agreed and says that Monday blues starts early for her. For me, now it is hardly there. I just need to watch for the uncertainty. Be with it instead of cover up with food and books and tv.
Diamond Heart
The unveiling, the discovery and penetration, is a process of becoming more and more naked until ur bare bottom hits ice. Then u get stung directly - not through the mind, through ur bottom. That's when u really know.
Losing ur mind, means losing direction, inner direction. Being completely lost. If u have any direction, any preference of one thing over another in ur experience, it is still the realm of the mind and there is no innocence. Innocence means u r completely open. Nothing has happen yet.
If u keep on going back to ur preferences. That's it, no freshness for u. Things will get more and more dull. Cozier but more crowded. Less light and less freshness.
To not have excess of ur preferences means there is a detachment about it. You have them and u like them but u r not attached.
Do not ever let urself feel you've arrived. The moment u feel arrived, penetrate deeper until there comes a time when u do not care whether u arrived or not. Then u have arrived, but u do not think u have arrived. You just do not care. That means the mind is finally quiet. As long as u care whether u arrived or not, u haven't.
Soul
Same message. Don't rest on my laurel.
Me, m fine. Despite the pain of left shoulder, left leg and right elbow, I did my asanas. It was painful but its worth it. Need to check out my awareness sheet.
Yea, now knew why feeling down cos no more window shopping on potential partner and d guy didn't initiate. So, unknowingly tot my wish not granted. Well, its window shopping and I have not buy yet. So, I desire love and money. My wishes, grant me.
Father, GM acting up with tooth ache. Since its mouth, I think relates to suppressed anger.
Afternoon
Yea, took me just 2 hours to complete the budget. Was done by 1 pm despite hiccup.
Also on ikea furniture, I don't even have to go and the period extended.
New biz and profitability meeting postpone. Yea. Everything was cleared.
Father, my worry was unnecessary.
Evening
Father, just now tot that perhaps I got too many things running. I want to focus on d writing and my website first. As for 7thunder, I can do it during weekend.
So, for morning, focus on writing.
Today is a fine day, everything turns out well. My worry was for nothing.
When a colleague asked me why I took up meditation? I told her that's because I worry too much. She was surprised and say that I look like a happy go lucky person, and definitely not like a worrier. Well, I am, especially the Sunday before Monday. She agreed and says that Monday blues starts early for her. For me, now it is hardly there. I just need to watch for the uncertainty. Be with it instead of cover up with food and books and tv.
Diamond Heart
The unveiling, the discovery and penetration, is a process of becoming more and more naked until ur bare bottom hits ice. Then u get stung directly - not through the mind, through ur bottom. That's when u really know.
Losing ur mind, means losing direction, inner direction. Being completely lost. If u have any direction, any preference of one thing over another in ur experience, it is still the realm of the mind and there is no innocence. Innocence means u r completely open. Nothing has happen yet.
If u keep on going back to ur preferences. That's it, no freshness for u. Things will get more and more dull. Cozier but more crowded. Less light and less freshness.
To not have excess of ur preferences means there is a detachment about it. You have them and u like them but u r not attached.
Do not ever let urself feel you've arrived. The moment u feel arrived, penetrate deeper until there comes a time when u do not care whether u arrived or not. Then u have arrived, but u do not think u have arrived. You just do not care. That means the mind is finally quiet. As long as u care whether u arrived or not, u haven't.
Soul
Same message. Don't rest on my laurel.
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Be a Light unto yourself
Oct 17
These 2 days, feeling bit edgy. I just know I didnt like the feeling and resort to looking for food so I can hide it. Well, is a feeling of being uncertain. For a control person like, feeling of uncertainty is not easy.
Just faced it. Guess now not sure if I know where I am heading. Bit worry about tomorrow, has to do budgets and etc. Then tot of the ikea purchases.
But I know that there is no need to worry.
Osho - The past is no more and the future is not here yet
Soul
Father, thank you. I was back in the past and projecting into the future. Those days of difficulties are over. Let me stay in the present. Let me be grateful for my 4 days work week, a boss who likes me, a team of supportive staff. friends that are close, a guru that I can count on, a spiritual path that I can count on. Father, there is so much blessing in my life. Help me to overcome the feeling of uncertainty.
A tot came, The past is no more and future is yet to be.
Osho
Life is a great ocean in which you can lay if drop all your judgements, your preferences and the attachment to the details of your long term plans. Be available to what comes your way, as it comes. And, don't worry, if you stumble or fall; just pick yourself up, dust yourself and carry on.
Soul - timely answer. Just let things flow...Even if nothing is happening, that is what its meant to be.
Father, why is it that I always fear nothing is happening. And yet, I dread things happening too much, which is challenges to me. Father, let me savour nothing is happening. Even if I have no value, it is fine.
I guess part of it also, I felt alone. Going to India alone, on this path alone. Sometimes, i want people to share with.
Osho - Aloneness
When there is no significant others in our lives, we can either be lonely, or enjoy the freedom that solitude brings. When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends and colleagues.
Be a Light unto yourself. Ultimately, each of us must developt within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without any companions, maps or guide.
Oct 17 nite
Now I know what is my uncertainty due to. When I listened to 7thunder cd, there was nothing spiritual mentioned about Queen of Diamond and in fact, even said the Jack of Club in Pluto has a tendency to be dishonest. It was downright demotivating and the unconscious tot I have was that I am over-confident and my Destiny is an illusion. Thankfully, my Osho card brought me back. Aloneness, about me being a Light of my own, when there is no guide, no friends, no family, no colleague. Its still me following my truth.
Father, again, I don't find any connection with the founder of 7thunder. He seems to have cater for the mundane matters. He doesn't realise its potential.
From now onward, no more hiding, no more avoidance of the feeling of uncertainty. I will face it and dispel it with awareness. That's what I can do. Amen
(Nov 26 - Found in Destiny card, the real meaning of Jack of Club in Pluto. It talks about my life time challenge of creating a name myself in the creative field, for eg. writing. Day by day, my worry of running out things to write will ease. Like today, I tot nothing to write, but I did write about the guilt issue of CEO's retirement and it was a great article. I surprised myself. So, something here..)
These 2 days, feeling bit edgy. I just know I didnt like the feeling and resort to looking for food so I can hide it. Well, is a feeling of being uncertain. For a control person like, feeling of uncertainty is not easy.
Just faced it. Guess now not sure if I know where I am heading. Bit worry about tomorrow, has to do budgets and etc. Then tot of the ikea purchases.
But I know that there is no need to worry.
Osho - The past is no more and the future is not here yet
Soul
Father, thank you. I was back in the past and projecting into the future. Those days of difficulties are over. Let me stay in the present. Let me be grateful for my 4 days work week, a boss who likes me, a team of supportive staff. friends that are close, a guru that I can count on, a spiritual path that I can count on. Father, there is so much blessing in my life. Help me to overcome the feeling of uncertainty.
A tot came, The past is no more and future is yet to be.
Osho
Life is a great ocean in which you can lay if drop all your judgements, your preferences and the attachment to the details of your long term plans. Be available to what comes your way, as it comes. And, don't worry, if you stumble or fall; just pick yourself up, dust yourself and carry on.
Soul - timely answer. Just let things flow...Even if nothing is happening, that is what its meant to be.
Father, why is it that I always fear nothing is happening. And yet, I dread things happening too much, which is challenges to me. Father, let me savour nothing is happening. Even if I have no value, it is fine.
I guess part of it also, I felt alone. Going to India alone, on this path alone. Sometimes, i want people to share with.
Osho - Aloneness
When there is no significant others in our lives, we can either be lonely, or enjoy the freedom that solitude brings. When we find no support among others for our deeply felt truths, we can either feel isolated and bitter, or celebrate the fact that our vision is strong enough to survive the powerful human need for the approval of family, friends and colleagues.
Be a Light unto yourself. Ultimately, each of us must developt within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without any companions, maps or guide.
Oct 17 nite
Now I know what is my uncertainty due to. When I listened to 7thunder cd, there was nothing spiritual mentioned about Queen of Diamond and in fact, even said the Jack of Club in Pluto has a tendency to be dishonest. It was downright demotivating and the unconscious tot I have was that I am over-confident and my Destiny is an illusion. Thankfully, my Osho card brought me back. Aloneness, about me being a Light of my own, when there is no guide, no friends, no family, no colleague. Its still me following my truth.
Father, again, I don't find any connection with the founder of 7thunder. He seems to have cater for the mundane matters. He doesn't realise its potential.
From now onward, no more hiding, no more avoidance of the feeling of uncertainty. I will face it and dispel it with awareness. That's what I can do. Amen
(Nov 26 - Found in Destiny card, the real meaning of Jack of Club in Pluto. It talks about my life time challenge of creating a name myself in the creative field, for eg. writing. Day by day, my worry of running out things to write will ease. Like today, I tot nothing to write, but I did write about the guilt issue of CEO's retirement and it was a great article. I surprised myself. So, something here..)
New beginning need Letting go (2)
Oct 16
Father, today practices, I can't seem to connect. I was fully aware. Mmm, not sure now if I connected or not. What I meant was, I don't feel m lost to the energy.
Swimming. There were so many people. Guess its testing me to swim in the middle ground. I did, just tell myself to focus on floating and forget about reaching the end. I did it. Swam in the middle.
Diamond Heart
There is no way that we can penetrate or open our eyes to that totally fresh, totally virginal, absolute innocent reality unless we let ourselves be completely defenseless and vulnerable, with no ideas or preconception, without even a movement of mind or consciousness.
Whatever we are, whatever we see, is spontaneous, the completely uncontrollable wild explosiveness of reality. That's what it means not to look through the mind.
Soul
A tall order.
Diamond Heart
This is the hint of the kind of depth our inquiry can reach so we don't delude ourselves into believing that we know where we are going and we do not delude ourselves in pursuing things that we already know, that we already planned and mapped. This is the true function of knowledge. True knowledge is not an accumulation.
In the dead world, we want knowledge that will silence our questions. We want our questions to be answered for good; we want to have no more question.
The fact is True knowledge is the opening of questions. It jus shows u more and more that u do not know. When u have the next insight, u have just found something, but at the same instant, u realise how much more u do not know. And it should continue that way - seeing how much more u do not know, until finally u realise u do not know anything. When u finally see that u know absolutely nothing, then maybe it is possible to be innocent.
True knowledge does not gives us comfort. It does not makes us secure and cozy; it makes us more and more insecure because it causes us to lose our ground more and more since the ground we are standing on is fake. It is difficult and terrifying.
Soul
I have been there. My belief especially about myself has been turned so many times that I now stop taking myself too seriously.
Diamond Heart
Our work reveals the perception and understanding that we are freshness, we are innocence. We are an unknowableness.
True inquiry results in an unveiling, a penetration, a dropping-away and seeing through things. Everything that u can see, u can know, fine; know it, see it, understand it and let it go. It is not the end of the journey yet.
Soul
I feel more secure about my writings. There will be infinite insights that I will be uncovering and hence the flow will be endless. Need not worry about it stopping.
Diamond Heart
Maslow hierarchy of needs states that self actualisation happens after a person develops a strong personality. A person has to develop certain strengths before they can begin to let go of those things. Then it seems like there are two things going on at the same time. One is the development of self, and the other is a complete letting go of it at the same time, which can appear paradoxical.
That is the natural process of our Work. The various levels of realisation are nothing but a process of actualising the concepts of the mind. You actualise love, u actualise success, u actualise happiness, u actualise this and that. Everytime u actualise something completely, when u really have it, that's when u realise that it is really an idea in ur mind. The moment u know is an idea - pop - it is gone. Then the next one comes.
The process of development is the same thing as the process of unveiling or shedding at the same time. The development and actualisation of a state is what is needed to go beyond it. You cannot go beyond self until u actualise self. For instance, when u finally know ur true self, u r it, u also gone beyond it.
The same goes for desires. You let go of ur desires by actualising them, by understanding them completely. You need to experience them completely.
You cannot let go of self until u completely have urself. You cannot let go of ur own will until u completely have ur will. You cannot let go of love until u have loss.
If u remember this is a process, that the actualisation is at the same time a loss, a going beyond, that will help u not to get so frustrated and suffer so much.
When u actualise, u lost it at the same time. It is gone to allow space for the next revelation of reality. If we do not know that that is what happens, we could get very disappointed and angry at God and reality. "What's this - it is unfair! I have worked all these years, finally I am happy, and now it is gone? But when we know that this is what happens, that it is the natural process of growth, just as the fruit comes out of the flower, then u do not feel disappointed, angry and hurt that u lost the flower.
Soul
What irony! Just when I have taken off the judgement against God for all my endless trials and challenges, despite me meeting them, I now know its meant to be.
Father, today practices, I can't seem to connect. I was fully aware. Mmm, not sure now if I connected or not. What I meant was, I don't feel m lost to the energy.
Swimming. There were so many people. Guess its testing me to swim in the middle ground. I did, just tell myself to focus on floating and forget about reaching the end. I did it. Swam in the middle.
Diamond Heart
There is no way that we can penetrate or open our eyes to that totally fresh, totally virginal, absolute innocent reality unless we let ourselves be completely defenseless and vulnerable, with no ideas or preconception, without even a movement of mind or consciousness.
Whatever we are, whatever we see, is spontaneous, the completely uncontrollable wild explosiveness of reality. That's what it means not to look through the mind.
Soul
A tall order.
Diamond Heart
This is the hint of the kind of depth our inquiry can reach so we don't delude ourselves into believing that we know where we are going and we do not delude ourselves in pursuing things that we already know, that we already planned and mapped. This is the true function of knowledge. True knowledge is not an accumulation.
In the dead world, we want knowledge that will silence our questions. We want our questions to be answered for good; we want to have no more question.
The fact is True knowledge is the opening of questions. It jus shows u more and more that u do not know. When u have the next insight, u have just found something, but at the same instant, u realise how much more u do not know. And it should continue that way - seeing how much more u do not know, until finally u realise u do not know anything. When u finally see that u know absolutely nothing, then maybe it is possible to be innocent.
True knowledge does not gives us comfort. It does not makes us secure and cozy; it makes us more and more insecure because it causes us to lose our ground more and more since the ground we are standing on is fake. It is difficult and terrifying.
Soul
I have been there. My belief especially about myself has been turned so many times that I now stop taking myself too seriously.
Diamond Heart
Our work reveals the perception and understanding that we are freshness, we are innocence. We are an unknowableness.
True inquiry results in an unveiling, a penetration, a dropping-away and seeing through things. Everything that u can see, u can know, fine; know it, see it, understand it and let it go. It is not the end of the journey yet.
Soul
I feel more secure about my writings. There will be infinite insights that I will be uncovering and hence the flow will be endless. Need not worry about it stopping.
Diamond Heart
Maslow hierarchy of needs states that self actualisation happens after a person develops a strong personality. A person has to develop certain strengths before they can begin to let go of those things. Then it seems like there are two things going on at the same time. One is the development of self, and the other is a complete letting go of it at the same time, which can appear paradoxical.
That is the natural process of our Work. The various levels of realisation are nothing but a process of actualising the concepts of the mind. You actualise love, u actualise success, u actualise happiness, u actualise this and that. Everytime u actualise something completely, when u really have it, that's when u realise that it is really an idea in ur mind. The moment u know is an idea - pop - it is gone. Then the next one comes.
The process of development is the same thing as the process of unveiling or shedding at the same time. The development and actualisation of a state is what is needed to go beyond it. You cannot go beyond self until u actualise self. For instance, when u finally know ur true self, u r it, u also gone beyond it.
The same goes for desires. You let go of ur desires by actualising them, by understanding them completely. You need to experience them completely.
You cannot let go of self until u completely have urself. You cannot let go of ur own will until u completely have ur will. You cannot let go of love until u have loss.
If u remember this is a process, that the actualisation is at the same time a loss, a going beyond, that will help u not to get so frustrated and suffer so much.
When u actualise, u lost it at the same time. It is gone to allow space for the next revelation of reality. If we do not know that that is what happens, we could get very disappointed and angry at God and reality. "What's this - it is unfair! I have worked all these years, finally I am happy, and now it is gone? But when we know that this is what happens, that it is the natural process of growth, just as the fruit comes out of the flower, then u do not feel disappointed, angry and hurt that u lost the flower.
Soul
What irony! Just when I have taken off the judgement against God for all my endless trials and challenges, despite me meeting them, I now know its meant to be.
Ace of Diamond's Life Spread
Oct 14
Long range
Nine of Club
U r awaken to a new and higher way of thinking that will be better than u have imagined. It denotes a time when powerful spiritual experiences occurring, such as universal consciousness, and it also indicates the success of any endeavours that involve spreading higher truth to the world.
Soul
That has been my path. For past 10 years, I was sharing with family and friends and now to the world.
Pluto
Queen of Spade - self mastery.
U r attempting to develop a sense of mastery from within, a greater level of organisational ability, or both.
The Queen of Spade is a powerful card and u r indeed asking for a lot. Self mastery comes from inner knowledge and self control. It comes from controlling one's thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, words and actions guided by higher principles. It is knowing that u can have everything u want, not by changing the world, but by changing urself.
It can be drudgery and hard labour.
Spades are work and the Queen uses her work as Karma Yoga, a tool to purify her tots and emotions.
This is a goal that u have set for yourself and u must have good reasons for why u want this.
Keep these reasons uppermost in ur mind as u progresses throught out ur life. You no doubt will have to make some changes within and outside of yourself to achieve this goal and it will not be easy.
Affirmation
I develop my capacity to transform my life by changing my beliefs, ideas and concepts of the world. I become the master of my self.
Results (someone important that is part of this goal or areas of ur life that u desire to be more internally masterful about)
Jack of Club (success using mental creativity, initiation into higher thought or spiritual knowledge)
You will achieve much more creativity and success in a mental field. This could mean success as a writer of some kind.
In the process, u may be transformed by exposure to new forms of communication or information that advances ur thinking into the current age of advanced technology. Be prepared to move ahead into unexplored area of knowledge.
This card is also a powerful indicator that you could end up with some younger man of the Club. Whether this be a friend, lover or family member, there is a strong indicator that the two of u will be joined in some meaningful way.
Affirmation
I achieve success as a writer or idea person in one of the mental fields. I revolutionised my thinking.
(Nov 25 - my blog and then my website and now sale of ebook and promotion of books and etc; all these are forms of advanced technology)
Soul
Desire for love (partner) and money (writing).
Overcoming all my fears and proceed towards my destiny.
Environment
Ace of Diamond (the desire for money and the beginning of new ways of making money)
A time where new beginnings, both in ur work and other financial enterprises, will bring many blessings and good fortune for u.
This would be an ideal influence for starting a new business or even a new relationship.
Because this is a new beginning as far as ur values are concerned, u may find that u r starting over in many important areas of ur life, areas that will ultimately bring u more joy and contentment.
Rest assured that any opportunities for new money-making enterprises, new jobs will be good for u and bring u greater success.
Displacement.
You could experience some amount of financial limitation, whether real or imagined. A desire for more on the material plane could motivate u into new enterprises or it could just be prove to be a nagging feeling of not having enough.
New jobs or money making ventures may take more effort that what u expected and u may feel that all u do is work, work, work.
A restless urge may overtake u and inspire u to take a trip or even move to a new location.
All in all, u will need to pay more attention to ur work or finacial situation and put in a little extra effort to guarantee that everything works right in ur life.
Jupiter
Three of Spades (creativity, stress, working two jobs at once)
Favourable for any sort of art or expression of ideas. It could bring great financial success if channeled into positive creative work.
Soul
Everything is pointing towards my Destiny.
When I saw my year card on discovering ur destiny. Little did I realise that I would find the answer in the Destiny book.
Now I know my Destiny, next is just moment to moment and be hardworking.
Oct 14 Eve
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Most of the shadows of this life are caused by us standing in our own sunshine.
Soul
I like this. I too have unnecessarily selected my own set-back. Created so much resistance towards my destiny. I now admit that I can be a pessimist. This is such a paradox cos I always tot I am a positive person. Mostly able to see the good in most things.
Adibah Amin (writer)
You must have talent, ambition and the willingness to work hard. Just know yourself and work on that.
Long range
Nine of Club
U r awaken to a new and higher way of thinking that will be better than u have imagined. It denotes a time when powerful spiritual experiences occurring, such as universal consciousness, and it also indicates the success of any endeavours that involve spreading higher truth to the world.
Soul
That has been my path. For past 10 years, I was sharing with family and friends and now to the world.
Pluto
Queen of Spade - self mastery.
U r attempting to develop a sense of mastery from within, a greater level of organisational ability, or both.
The Queen of Spade is a powerful card and u r indeed asking for a lot. Self mastery comes from inner knowledge and self control. It comes from controlling one's thoughts, attitudes, beliefs, words and actions guided by higher principles. It is knowing that u can have everything u want, not by changing the world, but by changing urself.
It can be drudgery and hard labour.
Spades are work and the Queen uses her work as Karma Yoga, a tool to purify her tots and emotions.
This is a goal that u have set for yourself and u must have good reasons for why u want this.
Keep these reasons uppermost in ur mind as u progresses throught out ur life. You no doubt will have to make some changes within and outside of yourself to achieve this goal and it will not be easy.
Affirmation
I develop my capacity to transform my life by changing my beliefs, ideas and concepts of the world. I become the master of my self.
Results (someone important that is part of this goal or areas of ur life that u desire to be more internally masterful about)
Jack of Club (success using mental creativity, initiation into higher thought or spiritual knowledge)
You will achieve much more creativity and success in a mental field. This could mean success as a writer of some kind.
In the process, u may be transformed by exposure to new forms of communication or information that advances ur thinking into the current age of advanced technology. Be prepared to move ahead into unexplored area of knowledge.
This card is also a powerful indicator that you could end up with some younger man of the Club. Whether this be a friend, lover or family member, there is a strong indicator that the two of u will be joined in some meaningful way.
Affirmation
I achieve success as a writer or idea person in one of the mental fields. I revolutionised my thinking.
(Nov 25 - my blog and then my website and now sale of ebook and promotion of books and etc; all these are forms of advanced technology)
Soul
Desire for love (partner) and money (writing).
Overcoming all my fears and proceed towards my destiny.
Environment
Ace of Diamond (the desire for money and the beginning of new ways of making money)
A time where new beginnings, both in ur work and other financial enterprises, will bring many blessings and good fortune for u.
This would be an ideal influence for starting a new business or even a new relationship.
Because this is a new beginning as far as ur values are concerned, u may find that u r starting over in many important areas of ur life, areas that will ultimately bring u more joy and contentment.
Rest assured that any opportunities for new money-making enterprises, new jobs will be good for u and bring u greater success.
Displacement.
You could experience some amount of financial limitation, whether real or imagined. A desire for more on the material plane could motivate u into new enterprises or it could just be prove to be a nagging feeling of not having enough.
New jobs or money making ventures may take more effort that what u expected and u may feel that all u do is work, work, work.
A restless urge may overtake u and inspire u to take a trip or even move to a new location.
All in all, u will need to pay more attention to ur work or finacial situation and put in a little extra effort to guarantee that everything works right in ur life.
Jupiter
Three of Spades (creativity, stress, working two jobs at once)
Favourable for any sort of art or expression of ideas. It could bring great financial success if channeled into positive creative work.
Soul
Everything is pointing towards my Destiny.
When I saw my year card on discovering ur destiny. Little did I realise that I would find the answer in the Destiny book.
Now I know my Destiny, next is just moment to moment and be hardworking.
Oct 14 Eve
Ralph Waldo Emerson
Most of the shadows of this life are caused by us standing in our own sunshine.
Soul
I like this. I too have unnecessarily selected my own set-back. Created so much resistance towards my destiny. I now admit that I can be a pessimist. This is such a paradox cos I always tot I am a positive person. Mostly able to see the good in most things.
Adibah Amin (writer)
You must have talent, ambition and the willingness to work hard. Just know yourself and work on that.
Be the Fool (innocent and free from Past) - 3
Oct 14
Osho
Issue - Projections
The film exists just at the back, but u never look at that. And the projector is there. Your mind is at the back of the whole thing, and the mind is the projector.
A projection can be devilish or divine, disturbing or comforting, but it is still a projection - a cloud preventing us from seeing reality as it is.
Soul
3 projections I have realised
1. GM - not acting her role. Is me also, not following my destiny, not being a woman
2. Partner to love me as a woman - me, not being a woman and wants someone to show me and love me as a woman
3. Money - Eight of Diamond.
I have been mixing money with love. Alas, I recalled my natal chart also says that and it mention that this life time, I am to create the money myself, not married for it.
2. Internal Influence
The Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind and disidentify from it.
Once ur awareness becomes a flame, it burns up the whole slavery that the mind has created. There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom, than being a master of my own destiny.
Soul
I am a real worrier, always lookout for set-back.
This morning tot of my writing, a tot came, what else to write. How to continue. I look at it and dispel, I will be writing as long as I live and experience life.
I also found out about my Destiny. Now more sure than other. I desire both Love and Money and I can make it on my own. Need not depend on others, need not create setbacks.
3. Outer influence
Control
To control that mind, one has to remain so cold and frozen that no life energy is allowed to move into ur limbs, into ur body. If energy is allowed to move, those repressions will surface.
His world is ordered and perfect, but it is not alive - he cannot allow any spontaneity or vulnerability to enter it.
Soul
I now know I don't trust people and that I am not open as I tot I am.
I am opening up to people who can help me reach my Destiny.
Now, during meditation, lower limbs can move and my body felt lighter and can even touch my head easily for one leg asana.
I also know about me not allowing myself to be a woman. Well, that's my aim for samyama.
4. What is needed for resolution
Moment to moment.
The past is no more and the future is not yet, both are unnecessarily moving in direction which don't exist.
A man who wants to be in the present has not to think, has just to see and enter the gate.
Just step lightly and non-seriously, and at the same time absolutely balanced and alert.
Be available to what comes ur way, as it comes. And don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick urself up, dust urself and have a good laugh and carry on.
5. The understanding
Aloneness.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. You are so full of presence that u can fill whole universe with ur presence and there is no need for anybody.
Be a Light unto yourself, each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without our companions, maps or guide.
Soul
Yeap. I desire love and money and I will make it myself. Amen
Osho
Issue - Projections
The film exists just at the back, but u never look at that. And the projector is there. Your mind is at the back of the whole thing, and the mind is the projector.
A projection can be devilish or divine, disturbing or comforting, but it is still a projection - a cloud preventing us from seeing reality as it is.
Soul
3 projections I have realised
1. GM - not acting her role. Is me also, not following my destiny, not being a woman
2. Partner to love me as a woman - me, not being a woman and wants someone to show me and love me as a woman
3. Money - Eight of Diamond.
I have been mixing money with love. Alas, I recalled my natal chart also says that and it mention that this life time, I am to create the money myself, not married for it.
2. Internal Influence
The Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind and disidentify from it.
Once ur awareness becomes a flame, it burns up the whole slavery that the mind has created. There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom, than being a master of my own destiny.
Soul
I am a real worrier, always lookout for set-back.
This morning tot of my writing, a tot came, what else to write. How to continue. I look at it and dispel, I will be writing as long as I live and experience life.
I also found out about my Destiny. Now more sure than other. I desire both Love and Money and I can make it on my own. Need not depend on others, need not create setbacks.
3. Outer influence
Control
To control that mind, one has to remain so cold and frozen that no life energy is allowed to move into ur limbs, into ur body. If energy is allowed to move, those repressions will surface.
His world is ordered and perfect, but it is not alive - he cannot allow any spontaneity or vulnerability to enter it.
Soul
I now know I don't trust people and that I am not open as I tot I am.
I am opening up to people who can help me reach my Destiny.
Now, during meditation, lower limbs can move and my body felt lighter and can even touch my head easily for one leg asana.
I also know about me not allowing myself to be a woman. Well, that's my aim for samyama.
4. What is needed for resolution
Moment to moment.
The past is no more and the future is not yet, both are unnecessarily moving in direction which don't exist.
A man who wants to be in the present has not to think, has just to see and enter the gate.
Just step lightly and non-seriously, and at the same time absolutely balanced and alert.
Be available to what comes ur way, as it comes. And don't worry if u stumble or fall; just pick urself up, dust urself and have a good laugh and carry on.
5. The understanding
Aloneness.
Aloneness is the presence of oneself. Aloneness is very positive. It is a presence, overflowing presence. You are so full of presence that u can fill whole universe with ur presence and there is no need for anybody.
Be a Light unto yourself, each of us must develop within ourselves the capacity to make our way through the darkness without our companions, maps or guide.
Soul
Yeap. I desire love and money and I will make it myself. Amen
Ace of Diamond's Spiritual Spread
Oct 13
I want a partner so I can be a woman.
Next year, start Mon and Fri for 3 weeks.
On Finance, need to check wit FM on her status of growth. My target is still 3 days week.
Ace of Diamond Spiritual Spread
Pluto
Nine of Diamond
When u complete involvement with a certain type of work or money making venture or occupation. Normally u will be resisting letting go of any means of support that has perhaps outlived its real meaning in our lives.
The only attitude that will help u to retain peace of mind is that of letting go and having faith that u will be provided for by the Universe.
If we realise that the time has come to move on and simply accept the timing of things, we can flow with this on to something better. Something new and better always follow.
Affirmation
I am releasing myself from things, occupations and people that were once good for me but now have outlived their purpose in my life. I set myself free to move on to higher and better things in my life.
Result
You may actually achieve considerable prosperity as u expand ur values to include the needs of those around you and your community or country. The further u expand ur vision, the more money you could make. This could represent taking your products and services to the public in a major way.
Affirmation
I create financial abundance and I expand my values.
Environment Card
Two of Diamond
Success through partner in business. All in all, most of ur business arrangement should go well and help ur prosperity level. Look for specific individuals who hold the keys to ur success. Reach out and make the contact, and u won't be disappointed. Success with people is especially good.
Soul
This is same msg with Trust card that I got in Soul Sisters program.
Displacement
Ace of Heart
Ur own personal satisfaction in love matters will assume a greater importance in ur life. Just what will best satisfy your yearning for affection will come into focus.
You also have a restlessness on the emotional level, probably due to ur current emotional environment.
This marks the beginning of a new way of loving urself. Our relationship always reflect how we love ourselves, so expect new experiences in this area.
You will probably need more time to urself this year to sort out ur feelings and inner drives and motivation.
Self-expression can play a key role in allowing u to find the answers you seek from inside.
Soul
Same msg as Undying Love. Its true, I desire both love and money in my Ruling card. Money to increase my valuation so I feel secure to eat extravagantly and Love to make me feel like a woman and for protection.
Ironically, my Destiny is to release everything and be a Giver.
Long range
King of Spade
You can accomplish most anything u set ur mind to. You can master new or existing situations. The sky is the limit.
However, the power and success indicated here will only manifest itself to those who are ready and willing to assume the responsibility that is implied here. This means u have ur own business to get the most of out of this powerful card.
Affirmation
I am the master of my destiny and fate. Through application of knowledge and experience, I achieve anything.
Soul
Same msg with the Power card I received during Soul Sister program.
Jupiter
Five of Diamond
Success in change in occupation or ways of making money, doing selling and promotion.
If you flow with the changes, u will lead to greater success and satisfaction.
Nine of Spades
U will experience a major completion or ending of a line of work or livelihood. This ending will in some way affect ur basic lifestyle in an important way.
It seems as though u have been doing a certain occupation for a long time and now is the time to move on to something new. Don't resist these endings, as they are positively leading u to a new, more exciting and more prosperous future.
You are protected by Jupiter blessing and all u need to do is to take a close look at ur situation to realise the good in what is happening. In truth, it was ur desire to have this happen in the first place.
Venus
Three of Diamond
Financial worries that can cause problems in rship. U may be choosing friends and lovers out of ur worry over money or choosing a job in a hurry that meets ur immediate money needs but doesn't suit u in the long run.
In any event, it is unwise to mix money and love. Do things that will relax u so u can make better decisions about ur work and money.
King of Heart
Emotional power, charm and ability to master ur emotion and affections. This power can be used for success in any personal or professional rship.
You are the Master of Love.
A new romantic partner and one that is fulfilling.
Soul
Same msg as Transformation card game - my wish is granted.
Father, 3 of Diamond. I now declare that I want love and money. I used to tot I find love via my partner. And has been looking for rich partner and also looking at him to give me the feeling of being a woman. Since I do have gap in both, no wonder not successful.
Father, now I know. I now declare I want both Love and Money. I can make money on my own and I can have Love on my own. Once I fulfilled my own gap, then I am master of Love and Situations.
Neptune
Eight of Diamond
(Money to spend, financial power accumulated to make a major purchase)
In order to have this financial power, u will have to get very clear on how much money u want and what's the purpose of having that money will be. Eight of Diamond means focusing and concentrating your Values and making choices about what is most important in our life and what is not.
Through this kind of focus, money is always attracted to us.
Large sums of money made related to travel or some distant business interest . This could very well be the fulfillment of ur financial dream and wishes.
This is an especially good card if u r in the healing profession or if u r in some way caring for others.
It is likely that there is something u have been dreaming about all ur life.
Soul
Same msg as Transformation card game - my wish is granted.
I have attracted so many Eight of Diamond. Apart from Sadhguru, none of them make it. My advice to them is to focus and do what is needed cos they are meant to have great success in money. I always tots is because I am their Pluto but they are my Saturn
Looks like they are my secret dream. I do desire love and money.
(overseas speaking and global internet sales)
Today card - Ten of Clubs
Bring success in one of the mind-related fields or endeavors. This could be publishing or teaching or other areas where large groups of people are benefiting from ur talents and mental brilliance. Recognition for ur talent and effort.
Soul
Yea. I now declared my dream is to have both Love and Money. I can make both on my own.
Publishing is one of my starting avenue to make money and in 3 years at 45, I will be prosperous and earning at least USD10,000 a month just from my writing alone. I will then retire. Amen
Oct 13 Eve
Father, tot of my website, the pix of scroll. About 2 months ago, when we first did the selection of template, I chose a scroll, cos my role is to bring messages of truth. And V tot it is old looking and not functional. And then, we opt for clean look, but still no go. He then tot of purchased template instead. He found a template that has a modern scroll, which is great for my article.
Scroll represent messages.
Today, great partnership with CEO. She complimented me on my insights and input. I told her about me wanting to be a CEO Coach. She says definitely possible and told me of 2 persons who are coaches.
I desire Love and Money and they are not to be mixed. I will make Love and Money for myself.
(Nov 25 - the scroll didn't look good and also the template doesn't allow us to put in the links that we wanted. So, now doing new one. Also, we may ask a Professional to do it.
I want a partner so I can be a woman.
Next year, start Mon and Fri for 3 weeks.
On Finance, need to check wit FM on her status of growth. My target is still 3 days week.
Ace of Diamond Spiritual Spread
Pluto
Nine of Diamond
When u complete involvement with a certain type of work or money making venture or occupation. Normally u will be resisting letting go of any means of support that has perhaps outlived its real meaning in our lives.
The only attitude that will help u to retain peace of mind is that of letting go and having faith that u will be provided for by the Universe.
If we realise that the time has come to move on and simply accept the timing of things, we can flow with this on to something better. Something new and better always follow.
Affirmation
I am releasing myself from things, occupations and people that were once good for me but now have outlived their purpose in my life. I set myself free to move on to higher and better things in my life.
Result
You may actually achieve considerable prosperity as u expand ur values to include the needs of those around you and your community or country. The further u expand ur vision, the more money you could make. This could represent taking your products and services to the public in a major way.
Affirmation
I create financial abundance and I expand my values.
Environment Card
Two of Diamond
Success through partner in business. All in all, most of ur business arrangement should go well and help ur prosperity level. Look for specific individuals who hold the keys to ur success. Reach out and make the contact, and u won't be disappointed. Success with people is especially good.
Soul
This is same msg with Trust card that I got in Soul Sisters program.
Displacement
Ace of Heart
Ur own personal satisfaction in love matters will assume a greater importance in ur life. Just what will best satisfy your yearning for affection will come into focus.
You also have a restlessness on the emotional level, probably due to ur current emotional environment.
This marks the beginning of a new way of loving urself. Our relationship always reflect how we love ourselves, so expect new experiences in this area.
You will probably need more time to urself this year to sort out ur feelings and inner drives and motivation.
Self-expression can play a key role in allowing u to find the answers you seek from inside.
Soul
Same msg as Undying Love. Its true, I desire both love and money in my Ruling card. Money to increase my valuation so I feel secure to eat extravagantly and Love to make me feel like a woman and for protection.
Ironically, my Destiny is to release everything and be a Giver.
Long range
King of Spade
You can accomplish most anything u set ur mind to. You can master new or existing situations. The sky is the limit.
However, the power and success indicated here will only manifest itself to those who are ready and willing to assume the responsibility that is implied here. This means u have ur own business to get the most of out of this powerful card.
Affirmation
I am the master of my destiny and fate. Through application of knowledge and experience, I achieve anything.
Soul
Same msg with the Power card I received during Soul Sister program.
Jupiter
Five of Diamond
Success in change in occupation or ways of making money, doing selling and promotion.
If you flow with the changes, u will lead to greater success and satisfaction.
Nine of Spades
U will experience a major completion or ending of a line of work or livelihood. This ending will in some way affect ur basic lifestyle in an important way.
It seems as though u have been doing a certain occupation for a long time and now is the time to move on to something new. Don't resist these endings, as they are positively leading u to a new, more exciting and more prosperous future.
You are protected by Jupiter blessing and all u need to do is to take a close look at ur situation to realise the good in what is happening. In truth, it was ur desire to have this happen in the first place.
Venus
Three of Diamond
Financial worries that can cause problems in rship. U may be choosing friends and lovers out of ur worry over money or choosing a job in a hurry that meets ur immediate money needs but doesn't suit u in the long run.
In any event, it is unwise to mix money and love. Do things that will relax u so u can make better decisions about ur work and money.
King of Heart
Emotional power, charm and ability to master ur emotion and affections. This power can be used for success in any personal or professional rship.
You are the Master of Love.
A new romantic partner and one that is fulfilling.
Soul
Same msg as Transformation card game - my wish is granted.
Father, 3 of Diamond. I now declare that I want love and money. I used to tot I find love via my partner. And has been looking for rich partner and also looking at him to give me the feeling of being a woman. Since I do have gap in both, no wonder not successful.
Father, now I know. I now declare I want both Love and Money. I can make money on my own and I can have Love on my own. Once I fulfilled my own gap, then I am master of Love and Situations.
Neptune
Eight of Diamond
(Money to spend, financial power accumulated to make a major purchase)
In order to have this financial power, u will have to get very clear on how much money u want and what's the purpose of having that money will be. Eight of Diamond means focusing and concentrating your Values and making choices about what is most important in our life and what is not.
Through this kind of focus, money is always attracted to us.
Large sums of money made related to travel or some distant business interest . This could very well be the fulfillment of ur financial dream and wishes.
This is an especially good card if u r in the healing profession or if u r in some way caring for others.
It is likely that there is something u have been dreaming about all ur life.
Soul
Same msg as Transformation card game - my wish is granted.
I have attracted so many Eight of Diamond. Apart from Sadhguru, none of them make it. My advice to them is to focus and do what is needed cos they are meant to have great success in money. I always tots is because I am their Pluto but they are my Saturn
Looks like they are my secret dream. I do desire love and money.
(overseas speaking and global internet sales)
Today card - Ten of Clubs
Bring success in one of the mind-related fields or endeavors. This could be publishing or teaching or other areas where large groups of people are benefiting from ur talents and mental brilliance. Recognition for ur talent and effort.
Soul
Yea. I now declared my dream is to have both Love and Money. I can make both on my own.
Publishing is one of my starting avenue to make money and in 3 years at 45, I will be prosperous and earning at least USD10,000 a month just from my writing alone. I will then retire. Amen
Oct 13 Eve
Father, tot of my website, the pix of scroll. About 2 months ago, when we first did the selection of template, I chose a scroll, cos my role is to bring messages of truth. And V tot it is old looking and not functional. And then, we opt for clean look, but still no go. He then tot of purchased template instead. He found a template that has a modern scroll, which is great for my article.
Scroll represent messages.
Today, great partnership with CEO. She complimented me on my insights and input. I told her about me wanting to be a CEO Coach. She says definitely possible and told me of 2 persons who are coaches.
I desire Love and Money and they are not to be mixed. I will make Love and Money for myself.
(Nov 25 - the scroll didn't look good and also the template doesn't allow us to put in the links that we wanted. So, now doing new one. Also, we may ask a Professional to do it.
New beginning need Letting go
Oct 12 Even
Father, selected the web template. Bought it for under license.
As for my articles. Just write and upload. Every 10 articles or so, I will compile, get it edited for ebook that they need to buy. There will be a covering page for each ebook. Its a real gift for every occasions.
Father, m glad You are here with me. Just now meditation was quite deep and I didn't want to wake up. A tot came, when I went to samyama, I wish for courage to pursue my passion and at first I tot wish not granted. But now that I am pursuing my passion and with the scroll confirmed, I know its samyama.
This time I am going just be as a woman. I want to experience being a woman.
Diamond Heart
You can never know what you truly want, what it is that will give u release. You can only work to let go, to slough off the universe that u know, the totality of ur mind.
You cannot go about looking for reality by looking somehing u know, because what u know is a memory of what u perceived in the past.
You can only learn to forget. You can forget what u know, forget what u want, and continue forgetting until u have no mind whatsoever. - until u become like a newborn baby.
Only when ur mind becomes as innocent as that of a new born baby, is it possible to see what is here, what u actually are, and what reality is.
To penetrate reality involves a process of unlearning, a shedding or dropping-away of mind, getting rid of all that we know.
Father, selected the web template. Bought it for under license.
As for my articles. Just write and upload. Every 10 articles or so, I will compile, get it edited for ebook that they need to buy. There will be a covering page for each ebook. Its a real gift for every occasions.
Father, m glad You are here with me. Just now meditation was quite deep and I didn't want to wake up. A tot came, when I went to samyama, I wish for courage to pursue my passion and at first I tot wish not granted. But now that I am pursuing my passion and with the scroll confirmed, I know its samyama.
This time I am going just be as a woman. I want to experience being a woman.
Diamond Heart
You can never know what you truly want, what it is that will give u release. You can only work to let go, to slough off the universe that u know, the totality of ur mind.
You cannot go about looking for reality by looking somehing u know, because what u know is a memory of what u perceived in the past.
You can only learn to forget. You can forget what u know, forget what u want, and continue forgetting until u have no mind whatsoever. - until u become like a newborn baby.
Only when ur mind becomes as innocent as that of a new born baby, is it possible to see what is here, what u actually are, and what reality is.
To penetrate reality involves a process of unlearning, a shedding or dropping-away of mind, getting rid of all that we know.
Queen of Diamond Spiritual Spread
Oct 12
Cosmic Lesson
Seven of Spade
If u have been harbouring negative attitudes and patterns about ur work or health, this powerful influence will cause to face them squarely and experience more than ever, the consequences of having them.
To have the success u want in work and health, u will have to make some changes in ur behaviour and approach. This require living beyond our normal fears and concerns.
For those involved in spiritual work, this influence challenges u to move toward more success and make progress towards your work and personal goals.
Affirmation
I am tapping into the source of God and transforming all the negativity in my life into fearlessness and appreciation. I am living faith.
Cosmic Reward/Results card
Eight of Spade
As a result of contending with your Cosmic Lesson card, is the element of developing a strong will-power and determination that can help you overcome any obstacles in ur path.
Power comes from focusing our will, a narrowing down of the areas of our interest. Because of this, we often lose focus in less important areas while we gather force in one.
It is certain that you will accomplish the power and success. Don't forget this when the times get tough as they inevitably do.
Affirmation
I create success in my work and health and other areas of my life. I develop the will power to overcome any problems.
Displacement
Nine of Diamond
Something important in ur value system has reached the end of its usefulness for u.
This could mean ur present line of work, something u collect or own, or simply ur entire way of looking at life and the things that are important to u, especially if u tend to look upon everything in ur life in terms of how much it is worth to u.
Something is ending in ur life and it is up to u as to whether this becomes a tragedy or a cause of celebration as u graduate from this level to move on to the next. How u handle the ending will determine ur happiness level.
The best attitude is one of giving up and letting go, knowing that u r not losing anything that is actually good for u anymore. As a matter of fact, its time for preparation for a new life just about to begin. The new life is more healthy and full of new and pleasant surprises for u.
So, embrace it with joy. You have come a long way to get where u are and u will lose nothing that is truly yours.
Soul
While I know my writings will bring awareness to people and help them to live better, I myself not sure of the valuation. And its perfect lesson, I who has an issue with valuation now has to do something that others perceive as lack of value. I know its valuable, but how to change mindset of people and make my life prosperous in this venture of min.
I have already let go of career growth and now on pay cut becos of 4 days work. My aim is 3 days work. I think will try this at least once a month.
(Nov 25 - One of the thing that I am contemplating is food. I may have to forego dinner by fresh fruit replacement. Surprisingly, I don't sense any major resistance within me.)
Environment
Three of Diamond
Creative financial or business ideas could bring u many blessings as well as afford u a certain amount of protection.
You could take on more than one job at a time successfully as well.
Highlighted for success are any types of work that allow u to express ur creativity. Art, music, promotions and advertising are a few of activities that will benefit.
Diversify and u will gain in many ways.
(Nov 25 - perhaps this meant I am working in corporate and still doing writing. One give me security for my comforts and other give me peace.)
Jupiter
Three of Spades
Diversity will bring many blessings. Success is also possible in two areas at once or in business that involve artistic or creative expression. There will be greater financial success if channeled into positive creative work.
Soul
My plans after retirement at 45;
1. Writing
2. Trainer - how to excel in ur career. What is blocking u. Why u not following ur destiny. Are u working on ur strength or weakness
3. CEO Coach (Nov 25 - perhaps CEO's buddy is a better option)
4. Counseling/Reading for mature persons (at least 10 years of work experience of age 36 and above
5. Speaking engagement on my writings.
Ebook - put into the web with expiry date. Then it is for sale, the person can pick and choose the articles and bind into ebook or they can purchase the various JoyRide series.
Cosmic Lesson
Seven of Spade
If u have been harbouring negative attitudes and patterns about ur work or health, this powerful influence will cause to face them squarely and experience more than ever, the consequences of having them.
To have the success u want in work and health, u will have to make some changes in ur behaviour and approach. This require living beyond our normal fears and concerns.
For those involved in spiritual work, this influence challenges u to move toward more success and make progress towards your work and personal goals.
Affirmation
I am tapping into the source of God and transforming all the negativity in my life into fearlessness and appreciation. I am living faith.
Cosmic Reward/Results card
Eight of Spade
As a result of contending with your Cosmic Lesson card, is the element of developing a strong will-power and determination that can help you overcome any obstacles in ur path.
Power comes from focusing our will, a narrowing down of the areas of our interest. Because of this, we often lose focus in less important areas while we gather force in one.
It is certain that you will accomplish the power and success. Don't forget this when the times get tough as they inevitably do.
Affirmation
I create success in my work and health and other areas of my life. I develop the will power to overcome any problems.
Displacement
Nine of Diamond
Something important in ur value system has reached the end of its usefulness for u.
This could mean ur present line of work, something u collect or own, or simply ur entire way of looking at life and the things that are important to u, especially if u tend to look upon everything in ur life in terms of how much it is worth to u.
Something is ending in ur life and it is up to u as to whether this becomes a tragedy or a cause of celebration as u graduate from this level to move on to the next. How u handle the ending will determine ur happiness level.
The best attitude is one of giving up and letting go, knowing that u r not losing anything that is actually good for u anymore. As a matter of fact, its time for preparation for a new life just about to begin. The new life is more healthy and full of new and pleasant surprises for u.
So, embrace it with joy. You have come a long way to get where u are and u will lose nothing that is truly yours.
Soul
While I know my writings will bring awareness to people and help them to live better, I myself not sure of the valuation. And its perfect lesson, I who has an issue with valuation now has to do something that others perceive as lack of value. I know its valuable, but how to change mindset of people and make my life prosperous in this venture of min.
I have already let go of career growth and now on pay cut becos of 4 days work. My aim is 3 days work. I think will try this at least once a month.
(Nov 25 - One of the thing that I am contemplating is food. I may have to forego dinner by fresh fruit replacement. Surprisingly, I don't sense any major resistance within me.)
Environment
Three of Diamond
Creative financial or business ideas could bring u many blessings as well as afford u a certain amount of protection.
You could take on more than one job at a time successfully as well.
Highlighted for success are any types of work that allow u to express ur creativity. Art, music, promotions and advertising are a few of activities that will benefit.
Diversify and u will gain in many ways.
(Nov 25 - perhaps this meant I am working in corporate and still doing writing. One give me security for my comforts and other give me peace.)
Jupiter
Three of Spades
Diversity will bring many blessings. Success is also possible in two areas at once or in business that involve artistic or creative expression. There will be greater financial success if channeled into positive creative work.
Soul
My plans after retirement at 45;
1. Writing
2. Trainer - how to excel in ur career. What is blocking u. Why u not following ur destiny. Are u working on ur strength or weakness
3. CEO Coach (Nov 25 - perhaps CEO's buddy is a better option)
4. Counseling/Reading for mature persons (at least 10 years of work experience of age 36 and above
5. Speaking engagement on my writings.
Ebook - put into the web with expiry date. Then it is for sale, the person can pick and choose the articles and bind into ebook or they can purchase the various JoyRide series.
I worry unnecessarily
Oct 11 Aft
Spoke to GM about her card and my cards.
We shared and I told her that I have been edgy with her for not carrying her role. And I now know its because I am not carrying my Destiny role too.
I told her that I m scared and worried about my Destiny as a writer. I told her my Challenge is negativity, pessimism and worry. She told me its self-created as there is no reason for the negativity. I set myself back.
Then it click, during the transformation card game, when I had the chance to choose any card - Angel, Life Insight or Life Setback. I chose setback. When I did that was I want to uncover all my risk or challenges.
I should have focused on enhancing my positive tots instead of dwelling on the negative ones.
(Nov 26
Soul - The thing is both positive and negative tots also create disturbance and not peace. While I still hold on a bit to them, at least now not sure if either one is a good thing for my peace. Definitely not good for Self-Mastery)
Oct 11 Eve
Father, finally I open up to GM and share with her both our life spread. I also told her about me being edgy with her for not playing her role and me actually projecting out myself not playing the role in my Destiny.
GM has also finally admitted her feeling of unworthiness and she is weak in business acumen. She is willing to take up weekend course. I told her that if she does ABC, I will support her with the rest.
One thing she said about me being worrier for unnecessarily strike me. It such a paradox, I who seem to be easy going, is actually a worrier.
(Nov 26 - How come I miss this?)
Diamond Heart
Self-realisation, which is the realisation of true identity goes through regressive movements. There is greater and greater loss of what u think u are. One after another, always a loss, and the more there is a loss of what u think u r, the more freedom there is.
Soul
Tot of me not wanting to be a man, but neither wanting to be a woman.
I want to be and that's my aim in samyama, just to be whole again.
Diamond Heart
Maturing is living according to the wisdom gained from regression, which is more of a shedding of accumulated concepts about reality.
If u have learned from regression and that is incorporated in the way u live, that is maturity.
Maturity is connected with wisdom, and wisdom is connected with the integration of what u learned and what u experienced. If u have not integrated what u learned from experience, then there is no wisdom.
Wisdom is living according to what u have learned.
Maturity is not an absolute term. It depends on what understanding has been integrated, so there is no end to it.
To live selflessly; to give oneself instead of accumulating for oneself. The more u give, the less there is identification with the person because the person is an experience of being an island. When there is the experience of oneness, the heart is experienced as absolute generosity. There is absolutely no holding back.
Spoke to GM about her card and my cards.
We shared and I told her that I have been edgy with her for not carrying her role. And I now know its because I am not carrying my Destiny role too.
I told her that I m scared and worried about my Destiny as a writer. I told her my Challenge is negativity, pessimism and worry. She told me its self-created as there is no reason for the negativity. I set myself back.
Then it click, during the transformation card game, when I had the chance to choose any card - Angel, Life Insight or Life Setback. I chose setback. When I did that was I want to uncover all my risk or challenges.
I should have focused on enhancing my positive tots instead of dwelling on the negative ones.
(Nov 26
Soul - The thing is both positive and negative tots also create disturbance and not peace. While I still hold on a bit to them, at least now not sure if either one is a good thing for my peace. Definitely not good for Self-Mastery)
Oct 11 Eve
Father, finally I open up to GM and share with her both our life spread. I also told her about me being edgy with her for not playing her role and me actually projecting out myself not playing the role in my Destiny.
GM has also finally admitted her feeling of unworthiness and she is weak in business acumen. She is willing to take up weekend course. I told her that if she does ABC, I will support her with the rest.
One thing she said about me being worrier for unnecessarily strike me. It such a paradox, I who seem to be easy going, is actually a worrier.
(Nov 26 - How come I miss this?)
Diamond Heart
Self-realisation, which is the realisation of true identity goes through regressive movements. There is greater and greater loss of what u think u are. One after another, always a loss, and the more there is a loss of what u think u r, the more freedom there is.
Soul
Tot of me not wanting to be a man, but neither wanting to be a woman.
I want to be and that's my aim in samyama, just to be whole again.
Diamond Heart
Maturing is living according to the wisdom gained from regression, which is more of a shedding of accumulated concepts about reality.
If u have learned from regression and that is incorporated in the way u live, that is maturity.
Maturity is connected with wisdom, and wisdom is connected with the integration of what u learned and what u experienced. If u have not integrated what u learned from experience, then there is no wisdom.
Wisdom is living according to what u have learned.
Maturity is not an absolute term. It depends on what understanding has been integrated, so there is no end to it.
To live selflessly; to give oneself instead of accumulating for oneself. The more u give, the less there is identification with the person because the person is an experience of being an island. When there is the experience of oneness, the heart is experienced as absolute generosity. There is absolutely no holding back.
Doubt of my Destiny
Oct 11
Father, suria was effortless today. Breathing meditation wasn't that deep. Shambavi was good. Aiyah, perhaps stop judging. They are all me.
Yday Sadhguru talk about relationship. Relationship becomes a chore when each party tries to extract joy from each other to fill their respective vacuum/needs. Relationship will be great if both parties want to give joy instead of to extract joy.
When u have either joy or misery, the need is to share. U cannot avoid relationship but u can decide on whether they are joyful or miserable rship. I tot of me, yea, there is a need for rship in me. I want to share my joy, I want to share the new me, the alive me. Suddenly tot of setting a meetup for all the late bloomers that now seek adventure. Will try that when I am back, can do a meetup.
Today I decided that I have enough of seeking. I just want to read the 7thunder card cos during weekend, bit lazy. Weekend is for me to chill out. So, now will do reading in the morning. Yday Life Spread really amazing. I had wanted to do one and it is actually in age 90.
Father, a tot came on my Destiny as a writer - to pursue intellectual pursuit. All the while since I was a child, I know I was meant to use my mind and not my hand. I know I was to use intellectual capability and not physical capability.
I think becos the intellectual creativity was not focused or grown, that's why I was so against physical work. When I don't do physical work, as if I can be intellectual as just I am. Again is the gap between physical work and mental work. Since I didn't grow mental, I cannot allow physical work to come up to narrow the gap. This gives me the illusion that I m still being myself.
Now I know. Father, a really tall order.
I cried during Shoonya cos not sure if I can make it. Also its not financially secure.
Father, suria was effortless today. Breathing meditation wasn't that deep. Shambavi was good. Aiyah, perhaps stop judging. They are all me.
Yday Sadhguru talk about relationship. Relationship becomes a chore when each party tries to extract joy from each other to fill their respective vacuum/needs. Relationship will be great if both parties want to give joy instead of to extract joy.
When u have either joy or misery, the need is to share. U cannot avoid relationship but u can decide on whether they are joyful or miserable rship. I tot of me, yea, there is a need for rship in me. I want to share my joy, I want to share the new me, the alive me. Suddenly tot of setting a meetup for all the late bloomers that now seek adventure. Will try that when I am back, can do a meetup.
Today I decided that I have enough of seeking. I just want to read the 7thunder card cos during weekend, bit lazy. Weekend is for me to chill out. So, now will do reading in the morning. Yday Life Spread really amazing. I had wanted to do one and it is actually in age 90.
Father, a tot came on my Destiny as a writer - to pursue intellectual pursuit. All the while since I was a child, I know I was meant to use my mind and not my hand. I know I was to use intellectual capability and not physical capability.
I think becos the intellectual creativity was not focused or grown, that's why I was so against physical work. When I don't do physical work, as if I can be intellectual as just I am. Again is the gap between physical work and mental work. Since I didn't grow mental, I cannot allow physical work to come up to narrow the gap. This gives me the illusion that I m still being myself.
Now I know. Father, a really tall order.
I cried during Shoonya cos not sure if I can make it. Also its not financially secure.
Queen of Diamond Life Spread (3)
Oct 10 Eve
Father, today a new beginning for me. For the first time in 2 years, I joined the fellow meditators for after sathsang dinner. I used to thought it was the food, but now I knew its becos I just want to be alone, don't want people to know me. Anyway, am opening up.
Queen of Diamond Life Spread
Saturn - Seven of Clubs
Negative attitudes, worry and pessimism can affect ur health. In some cases, scandal and backbitting are involved.
A positive attitude, patience and mental discipline are a MUST in order to maintain ur well-being.
Spiritual and mental discipline is the key to mastering not only yourself, but any problems on the external level.
Result - Four of Heart.
Jupiter - Nine of Heart
If u r involved in spiritual work or helping or teaching others in some way, this card is an indicator of great success. This is the card of the counselor and giver of love. Any activities along these lines could be highly rewarding, both financially and to ur inner self as well.
Result - Three of Heart
We are talking more, expressing our feelings and meeting new people. An overabundance of charm and magnetism.
Neptune - Queen of Spade
Through meditation and inner reflection, u could achieve some meaningful changes in ur life. Your deepest dreams, the ones that are a major driving force in ur life are being uplifted to new levels. Expect some realisations that are profound and life-altering.
On the mundane side, many areas of ur life are going better now as u stop trying to change others and make changes in urself that allow u to experience more joy and success.
Pluto card - Jack of Club
The major challenge in ur life is to develop the creativity to be successful in a mental field of interest, perhaps as a writer.
You are initiated into higher spiritual and personal development knowledge that cause a transformative effect on u.
You have to make a conscious effort to achieve ur goal or to deal with creative, youthful and often immature energies of the Jack of Club.
Affirmation
I transform myself to become more mentally creative and successful. I begin a new and better life on an intellectual level.
Soul - same msg as Undying love. The love that u send into the world is an important part of ur Divine purpose
Result - Nine of Diamond
The end of a certain things that we once valued and accumulated. Could be ending of a certain kind of work that u have been doing for a long time.
It is a graduation from one level of values to the next. If we learn to let go, we can experience a feeling of freedom and exhilaration as we move to the next level in our personal development. Endings are only disappointments to those who are not conscious of what is really going on in their life and who have no faith in life or love.
You will be less attached to money and will have a new and broadened perspective about money that gives u more freedom and less concern than ever before.
Through the Jack of Club, u will learn and master the art of finances by the true knowledge of the nature of prosperity - that it follows cycles that go in and out and that only by following with it, can we have the peace of mind.
Affirmation
I learn to release financial worries and to flow with the cycles of abundance in my life. I learn to give things away.
Soul
My control is preventing the manifestation of my inner transformation.
Queen of Diamond
Financial success through nurturing and helping, or being a successful businesswoman.
Soul
For years, I have fight against this. Ever since I was a child, I told myself I don't want to nurture and help cos I see my mom always getting the losing end. And for years, I am always attracting situations/people that I am required to help that makes me feel resentful at God cos he ignore my wishes and hence he didn't love me.
And when I did the Soul Sister, drawing a pix of mandala sun, covered with a black veil. I had an insight that I am attracting all these situations/people for me to help cos it is to fulfill my destiny. And my resentment is gone. Now reading this, looks like I should even be appreciative of them. They will lead me to my spiritual unfoldment and meeting my destiny with great financial success.
Long range - Six of Spade
Fate and karma in action, paybacks from the past in many forms.
Strongest of karma cards. A smoothing out of affairs in the realms of work and health. However, if u have had bad or negative habits in these areas, u may have to settle your accounts. Whatever happens when this appears, see that as a guidepost to make corrections in ur path.
Sometimes events happen are things which we were destined to do at sometime in our life. Often, these event change the course of our life, always for the better, eventhough at the time the events may not seem so good or life enhancing.
Six of spade - settling of all affairs and bringing some much needed peace into ur life. If during that time, u take some time to tune in to ur deepest thoughts and feelings, u may become aware of a special message for u that comes from inside. This message may lead u to perform a special mission in ur life, one that uplifts others in some important way. This is card of fate
Soul
I am now receiving payback I
1. In my jobs. Its effortless now as I have paid my dues in the last 19 years
2. In my body. I got RA cos I was disconnected with my body. But m glad to say that I now do yoga, swim and walking for 7 days. I am the healthiest I have ever been despite having RA.
3. In my emotion. In my fear, I have created a strategy of control. I have suppressed my emotion and now even cannot feel myself as a Woman. Since I am asexual, no wonder guys are not attracted to me per se. I want to connect and freed the woman in me, which I suppressed when it first start to bloom when I was 10 years old. Father, my wish for samyama is just to let me be a woman that I am.
4. Spiritual. Thru 11 years of inner reflection, I was able to effortless meditate and now 2 years later, I have come to my Self. I am ready to fulfill my Destiny.
Father, today a new beginning for me. For the first time in 2 years, I joined the fellow meditators for after sathsang dinner. I used to thought it was the food, but now I knew its becos I just want to be alone, don't want people to know me. Anyway, am opening up.
Queen of Diamond Life Spread
Saturn - Seven of Clubs
Negative attitudes, worry and pessimism can affect ur health. In some cases, scandal and backbitting are involved.
A positive attitude, patience and mental discipline are a MUST in order to maintain ur well-being.
Spiritual and mental discipline is the key to mastering not only yourself, but any problems on the external level.
Result - Four of Heart.
Jupiter - Nine of Heart
If u r involved in spiritual work or helping or teaching others in some way, this card is an indicator of great success. This is the card of the counselor and giver of love. Any activities along these lines could be highly rewarding, both financially and to ur inner self as well.
Result - Three of Heart
We are talking more, expressing our feelings and meeting new people. An overabundance of charm and magnetism.
Neptune - Queen of Spade
Through meditation and inner reflection, u could achieve some meaningful changes in ur life. Your deepest dreams, the ones that are a major driving force in ur life are being uplifted to new levels. Expect some realisations that are profound and life-altering.
On the mundane side, many areas of ur life are going better now as u stop trying to change others and make changes in urself that allow u to experience more joy and success.
Pluto card - Jack of Club
The major challenge in ur life is to develop the creativity to be successful in a mental field of interest, perhaps as a writer.
You are initiated into higher spiritual and personal development knowledge that cause a transformative effect on u.
You have to make a conscious effort to achieve ur goal or to deal with creative, youthful and often immature energies of the Jack of Club.
Affirmation
I transform myself to become more mentally creative and successful. I begin a new and better life on an intellectual level.
Soul - same msg as Undying love. The love that u send into the world is an important part of ur Divine purpose
Result - Nine of Diamond
The end of a certain things that we once valued and accumulated. Could be ending of a certain kind of work that u have been doing for a long time.
It is a graduation from one level of values to the next. If we learn to let go, we can experience a feeling of freedom and exhilaration as we move to the next level in our personal development. Endings are only disappointments to those who are not conscious of what is really going on in their life and who have no faith in life or love.
You will be less attached to money and will have a new and broadened perspective about money that gives u more freedom and less concern than ever before.
Through the Jack of Club, u will learn and master the art of finances by the true knowledge of the nature of prosperity - that it follows cycles that go in and out and that only by following with it, can we have the peace of mind.
Affirmation
I learn to release financial worries and to flow with the cycles of abundance in my life. I learn to give things away.
Soul
My control is preventing the manifestation of my inner transformation.
Queen of Diamond
Financial success through nurturing and helping, or being a successful businesswoman.
Soul
For years, I have fight against this. Ever since I was a child, I told myself I don't want to nurture and help cos I see my mom always getting the losing end. And for years, I am always attracting situations/people that I am required to help that makes me feel resentful at God cos he ignore my wishes and hence he didn't love me.
And when I did the Soul Sister, drawing a pix of mandala sun, covered with a black veil. I had an insight that I am attracting all these situations/people for me to help cos it is to fulfill my destiny. And my resentment is gone. Now reading this, looks like I should even be appreciative of them. They will lead me to my spiritual unfoldment and meeting my destiny with great financial success.
Long range - Six of Spade
Fate and karma in action, paybacks from the past in many forms.
Strongest of karma cards. A smoothing out of affairs in the realms of work and health. However, if u have had bad or negative habits in these areas, u may have to settle your accounts. Whatever happens when this appears, see that as a guidepost to make corrections in ur path.
Sometimes events happen are things which we were destined to do at sometime in our life. Often, these event change the course of our life, always for the better, eventhough at the time the events may not seem so good or life enhancing.
Six of spade - settling of all affairs and bringing some much needed peace into ur life. If during that time, u take some time to tune in to ur deepest thoughts and feelings, u may become aware of a special message for u that comes from inside. This message may lead u to perform a special mission in ur life, one that uplifts others in some important way. This is card of fate
Soul
I am now receiving payback I
1. In my jobs. Its effortless now as I have paid my dues in the last 19 years
2. In my body. I got RA cos I was disconnected with my body. But m glad to say that I now do yoga, swim and walking for 7 days. I am the healthiest I have ever been despite having RA.
3. In my emotion. In my fear, I have created a strategy of control. I have suppressed my emotion and now even cannot feel myself as a Woman. Since I am asexual, no wonder guys are not attracted to me per se. I want to connect and freed the woman in me, which I suppressed when it first start to bloom when I was 10 years old. Father, my wish for samyama is just to let me be a woman that I am.
4. Spiritual. Thru 11 years of inner reflection, I was able to effortless meditate and now 2 years later, I have come to my Self. I am ready to fulfill my Destiny.
Saturday, November 20, 2010
Go with the flow
Oct 10
Father, this morning, left shoulder a bit pained. But its better now. At least my right elbow pain has gone, just some stiffness. Father, of late the pain occupy my tots. Now not sure to do the 7thundercards or to sleep.
Diamond Heart.
When u r aware that there is something unconscious in u, but u r not putting in any effort, that's a time to put in effort. And when u r aware that u r not influenced by such unconsciousness, and u seem to be present and clear, then it is time not to effort: to just let go, to flow.
In separation from the Universe, u continue to make effort because u r maintaining ur differences from the rest of the Universe. You make effort in order to push ur own preferences which you see as different from the rest of the universe.
And when u realised that u r not truly separate, then u can relax the effort and returned to a more relaxed, natural state.
Love doesn't reflect on itself. Love just moves. What reflects on itself is the mind. But the mind is also the expression of Love in the end. The mind is also a manifestation of love.
Mind acts as a mirror of Love so that Love knows itself. This brings us a mixed blessing: a blessing and a curse at the same time. There is a possibility of knowing who u are, but there is also the possibility of creating a mess out of ur life.
The mind can look at itself, while Love doesn't look at itself. Love is just there and flows. Mind is there for Love to see itself.
Self-reflection brings self-awareness, but it also brings conflict. The central manifestation of this conflict is identifying with being a separate entity that has its own will and doership.
We are completely free when we don't reflect on ourselves, just like little children. Little children don't reflect on themselves. They don't even look at themselves. They don't know who they are, or whether they exist or not. When their minds start developing and they begin to reflect on themselves: "I am this, I am that, I am good, I am bad..", then the trouble starts. When they begin to attempt to control themselves and reality, that is false will. That's the effort. But if there isn't that division between who u r and who looks at u, there is just one who doesn't look at herself. There is no effort.
Only when u forget about urself, do u fall asleep. That is similar to the true flow of love. So, when u live ur life that its just like falling asleep. That is when u r free.
Question; U always talk about us waking up, now why sleeping instead?
Answer. We use ideas appropriate to the specific teaching, appropriate to the particular time, place and people. At a certain stage, experience is different and so our concepts are different
To be free means to be completely unconscious of yourself because at the deepest level, there is no self to be conscious. You don't know who u r. You don't know what u r doing. You are just doing it. You are not even doing it; it just happens.
Awareness is not interested in looking at itself. Awareness has nothing to do with conceptualising and knowing. Awareness is completely spontaneous. This is called living without mind. When u r reflecting upon urself, u r not spontaneous. When mind is completely shed, self-reflection ceases. Self-realisation goes through many stages. The sense of self, the sense of identity is the last thing to go. The True Self is needed and must be realised for a person to move to Supreme or Universal life, because they are sparks of the same light.
Each time there is a loss of self or self-identity, there is a deeper peace. Peace and stillness. Until u get to the complete absence, then peace is absolute beause there is absolutely nothing to disturb it. The moment that u know there is peace, there is little disturbance someplace because there is self-reflection.
Absolute peace means there is absolute peace without the awareness that there is peace. Complete unification, no reflection. And when the peace is absolute, the clarity is absolute. When there is absence, there is absolute clarity. Clarity is everywhere and everything.
Soul
Father, I am getting this.
Diamond Heart
In one sense, u keep on looking backwards, until finally u get to the most backward, then u realise that u r looking forward. When u reach the complete realisty, then u can only look forward. There isn't anything to look back to. So, the only things left is to look forward and that is spontaneity.
Soul
Yeap, yday I tot I have went inward so far. I reach a stop and nothing to look at anymore and now its to go outward, towards manifestation. Hence I am diving and window shopping.
I was getting bit confused. Not sure where I was heading. I just want to go forward, don't want inward anymore. Now I know I am on the right track.
Oct 10 Aft
Father, now I knew why I always think I be rejected as a romantic partner. Its becos I myself didn't accept myself as a woman. So, how can others accept me.
Father, its clearer than ever that I want to be a woman. I never go thru the phase of growing up to be a woman, it all stopped when I was 10.
Now I know.
As for the situation with GM. She is not fulfilling her role and neither am I fulfilling my destiny.
Father, this morning, left shoulder a bit pained. But its better now. At least my right elbow pain has gone, just some stiffness. Father, of late the pain occupy my tots. Now not sure to do the 7thundercards or to sleep.
Diamond Heart.
When u r aware that there is something unconscious in u, but u r not putting in any effort, that's a time to put in effort. And when u r aware that u r not influenced by such unconsciousness, and u seem to be present and clear, then it is time not to effort: to just let go, to flow.
In separation from the Universe, u continue to make effort because u r maintaining ur differences from the rest of the Universe. You make effort in order to push ur own preferences which you see as different from the rest of the universe.
And when u realised that u r not truly separate, then u can relax the effort and returned to a more relaxed, natural state.
Love doesn't reflect on itself. Love just moves. What reflects on itself is the mind. But the mind is also the expression of Love in the end. The mind is also a manifestation of love.
Mind acts as a mirror of Love so that Love knows itself. This brings us a mixed blessing: a blessing and a curse at the same time. There is a possibility of knowing who u are, but there is also the possibility of creating a mess out of ur life.
The mind can look at itself, while Love doesn't look at itself. Love is just there and flows. Mind is there for Love to see itself.
Self-reflection brings self-awareness, but it also brings conflict. The central manifestation of this conflict is identifying with being a separate entity that has its own will and doership.
We are completely free when we don't reflect on ourselves, just like little children. Little children don't reflect on themselves. They don't even look at themselves. They don't know who they are, or whether they exist or not. When their minds start developing and they begin to reflect on themselves: "I am this, I am that, I am good, I am bad..", then the trouble starts. When they begin to attempt to control themselves and reality, that is false will. That's the effort. But if there isn't that division between who u r and who looks at u, there is just one who doesn't look at herself. There is no effort.
Only when u forget about urself, do u fall asleep. That is similar to the true flow of love. So, when u live ur life that its just like falling asleep. That is when u r free.
Question; U always talk about us waking up, now why sleeping instead?
Answer. We use ideas appropriate to the specific teaching, appropriate to the particular time, place and people. At a certain stage, experience is different and so our concepts are different
To be free means to be completely unconscious of yourself because at the deepest level, there is no self to be conscious. You don't know who u r. You don't know what u r doing. You are just doing it. You are not even doing it; it just happens.
Awareness is not interested in looking at itself. Awareness has nothing to do with conceptualising and knowing. Awareness is completely spontaneous. This is called living without mind. When u r reflecting upon urself, u r not spontaneous. When mind is completely shed, self-reflection ceases. Self-realisation goes through many stages. The sense of self, the sense of identity is the last thing to go. The True Self is needed and must be realised for a person to move to Supreme or Universal life, because they are sparks of the same light.
Each time there is a loss of self or self-identity, there is a deeper peace. Peace and stillness. Until u get to the complete absence, then peace is absolute beause there is absolutely nothing to disturb it. The moment that u know there is peace, there is little disturbance someplace because there is self-reflection.
Absolute peace means there is absolute peace without the awareness that there is peace. Complete unification, no reflection. And when the peace is absolute, the clarity is absolute. When there is absence, there is absolute clarity. Clarity is everywhere and everything.
Soul
Father, I am getting this.
Diamond Heart
In one sense, u keep on looking backwards, until finally u get to the most backward, then u realise that u r looking forward. When u reach the complete realisty, then u can only look forward. There isn't anything to look back to. So, the only things left is to look forward and that is spontaneity.
Soul
Yeap, yday I tot I have went inward so far. I reach a stop and nothing to look at anymore and now its to go outward, towards manifestation. Hence I am diving and window shopping.
I was getting bit confused. Not sure where I was heading. I just want to go forward, don't want inward anymore. Now I know I am on the right track.
Oct 10 Aft
Father, now I knew why I always think I be rejected as a romantic partner. Its becos I myself didn't accept myself as a woman. So, how can others accept me.
Father, its clearer than ever that I want to be a woman. I never go thru the phase of growing up to be a woman, it all stopped when I was 10.
Now I know.
As for the situation with GM. She is not fulfilling her role and neither am I fulfilling my destiny.
Opening up to new friends
Oct 9
Father, just met A. I felt a connection to a mature soul. We both are using the tools and finding our path.
I was surprised that I confided in her the conman issue, something I have kept hidden since 4 years ago.
She asked again for my articles and asked me to email her at least a copy. She also asked about my blog and I gave her. Father, first time I open up and I guess I was finally ready since I just did my profile for my blog yday after 2 years.
I shared about my issue with romantic rship. She says to do window shopping. Rships are never in our control and there is lots of risk. So, respect ourselves and go only how much we can take.
Yea, which is what I am doing now. Not buying, just looking and seeing. So far 3 guys I have look, see.
Evening
Diamond Heart
Oneness happens by complete relaxation, not by going after anything. We have always been going after something since the moment we developed a mind. In oneness, there is no going after anything, no seeking whatsoever. That is why the center needs to be dealt with first, because that center is the seeker. When the center is quiet, it is possible to become aware of the boundaries, and to see that the boundaries are the barrier. Then u live a life according to boundlessness.
Soul
Perhaps this also the experience of the space that I am.
Diamond Heart
Helpfullness means that everything around u is part of ur family. Helpfulness means u r loving the other. It does not mean just giving away everything u have got.
If u do that, u might not able to help anyone. It means using all ur intelligence, all ur capacity to help the best was possible.
The more u r in touch with ur love, the more u naturally want to go outside, to others.
(Nov 21 - It has been a week, but I found myself listening to the radio after 2 years of hiatus. Its like I am ready to go back into the world. I have also accelerated on my writing and now decided to go for professional help in the website and ebook. It is up to me to create and shape my destiny. I cannot rely on my friends, especially those who does not have the same passion as me. Remember I am a Queen of Diamond...)
Father, just met A. I felt a connection to a mature soul. We both are using the tools and finding our path.
I was surprised that I confided in her the conman issue, something I have kept hidden since 4 years ago.
She asked again for my articles and asked me to email her at least a copy. She also asked about my blog and I gave her. Father, first time I open up and I guess I was finally ready since I just did my profile for my blog yday after 2 years.
I shared about my issue with romantic rship. She says to do window shopping. Rships are never in our control and there is lots of risk. So, respect ourselves and go only how much we can take.
Yea, which is what I am doing now. Not buying, just looking and seeing. So far 3 guys I have look, see.
Evening
Diamond Heart
Oneness happens by complete relaxation, not by going after anything. We have always been going after something since the moment we developed a mind. In oneness, there is no going after anything, no seeking whatsoever. That is why the center needs to be dealt with first, because that center is the seeker. When the center is quiet, it is possible to become aware of the boundaries, and to see that the boundaries are the barrier. Then u live a life according to boundlessness.
Soul
Perhaps this also the experience of the space that I am.
Diamond Heart
Helpfullness means that everything around u is part of ur family. Helpfulness means u r loving the other. It does not mean just giving away everything u have got.
If u do that, u might not able to help anyone. It means using all ur intelligence, all ur capacity to help the best was possible.
The more u r in touch with ur love, the more u naturally want to go outside, to others.
(Nov 21 - It has been a week, but I found myself listening to the radio after 2 years of hiatus. Its like I am ready to go back into the world. I have also accelerated on my writing and now decided to go for professional help in the website and ebook. It is up to me to create and shape my destiny. I cannot rely on my friends, especially those who does not have the same passion as me. Remember I am a Queen of Diamond...)
Finally upload my profile in the blog
Oct 8
Father, today finally uploaded my profile into the blog after nearly 2 years. I am ready to be open.
My orbituary
She is so trusting and allow others to be open as well.
Its paradox, I tot I am open and trusting but when I did the trust test, I couldn't fill it up. And when I did, my trust is only with my family, but the thing is I have never shared with them my Destiny. So, who am I trusting?
But I am opening up, meeting A tomorrow.
Diamond Heart
4. Helpfulness.
To be helpful means that u r aware that u do not work only for urself, ur work is for everyone. If you only work on urself without helping other peopl, u r not doing the work. You cannot genuinely work on urself without helping other people in one way or another.
Being aware of, sensitive to, concerned about other people's problems, issues and difficulties, it means always being generous, because other people is not separate from u.
The helpfulness is genuinely seeing that another human being is just as valuable as u r and they need help as much as u need it. Your heart opens spontaneously to give, to consider, to help. You are giving of urself all the time, as much as possible and giving of urself in the sense that u r trying to be helpful as possible.
Developing urself, learning what u can, learning all the capacities u ca, to be as objective as possible, as sensitive as possible, as generous as possible, so u can help in the best way, just genuinely wanted to help.
Soul
Good guide for me since Ace of Diamond has Nine of Diamond as Saturn card, unlike Queen of Diamond, placed in cosmic reward card.
Diamond Heart
You might take oneness to be a loss of who u are and u might fear that u r going to disappear. Your individuality will remain, but u as an individual are part of the totality.
So, u remain a unique human being, but that unique human being is an expression of the oneness, is supported by oneness and is part of oneness. So, u are not less and u r not more than anyone or anything, because everything is of the same nature. You cannot be more and u cannot be less.
Soul
Thank u. I was afraid of the 80 percent loss and forgot about 20 gain that can extrapolate much more.
Diamond Heart
When there are no boundaries, what naturally arises is love, abundance and generosity, because what blocks love are the boundaries.
Soul
My right elbow inflammation has reduced. I now know its becos of me cutting out the partner thing. Well, m back, I too want it. And now wit v back, its even better. Amen
Father, today finally uploaded my profile into the blog after nearly 2 years. I am ready to be open.
My orbituary
She is so trusting and allow others to be open as well.
Its paradox, I tot I am open and trusting but when I did the trust test, I couldn't fill it up. And when I did, my trust is only with my family, but the thing is I have never shared with them my Destiny. So, who am I trusting?
But I am opening up, meeting A tomorrow.
Diamond Heart
4. Helpfulness.
To be helpful means that u r aware that u do not work only for urself, ur work is for everyone. If you only work on urself without helping other peopl, u r not doing the work. You cannot genuinely work on urself without helping other people in one way or another.
Being aware of, sensitive to, concerned about other people's problems, issues and difficulties, it means always being generous, because other people is not separate from u.
The helpfulness is genuinely seeing that another human being is just as valuable as u r and they need help as much as u need it. Your heart opens spontaneously to give, to consider, to help. You are giving of urself all the time, as much as possible and giving of urself in the sense that u r trying to be helpful as possible.
Developing urself, learning what u can, learning all the capacities u ca, to be as objective as possible, as sensitive as possible, as generous as possible, so u can help in the best way, just genuinely wanted to help.
Soul
Good guide for me since Ace of Diamond has Nine of Diamond as Saturn card, unlike Queen of Diamond, placed in cosmic reward card.
Diamond Heart
You might take oneness to be a loss of who u are and u might fear that u r going to disappear. Your individuality will remain, but u as an individual are part of the totality.
So, u remain a unique human being, but that unique human being is an expression of the oneness, is supported by oneness and is part of oneness. So, u are not less and u r not more than anyone or anything, because everything is of the same nature. You cannot be more and u cannot be less.
Soul
Thank u. I was afraid of the 80 percent loss and forgot about 20 gain that can extrapolate much more.
Diamond Heart
When there are no boundaries, what naturally arises is love, abundance and generosity, because what blocks love are the boundaries.
Soul
My right elbow inflammation has reduced. I now know its becos of me cutting out the partner thing. Well, m back, I too want it. And now wit v back, its even better. Amen
Feeling good
Oct 7 Even
Father, a loss of a client again. But this time I not as reactive as before. And I no longer take it personally.
On CEO, she told me that she is feeling detached with her husband. She didn't even cry when they were arguing and next morning can even tell her husband that she still love him eventhough they argued. Amazing. Her transformation is great.
Father, for me also. Maybe less in terms of emotion, but more in terms of physical, like getting up at 4am to do hatha yoga and meditation. Delaying meal by 1.5 hours at nite.
Just now while meditation, tot of d guy came in and I says that if Universe can bring him from Germany, He can bring him to me too.
My Three of Spades in Venus.
You can expect many changes in ur attractions and friendship.
Soul - true, firstly rship with GM has been redefined. Then I have attraction to 3 different guy. Good thing is the profiles is getting closer to what I want in a partner. So, I can continue to dream, what I want is out there.
Diamond Heart
You do not need to get anywhere, you just need to forget about what u think u r. You just need to relax the tension that u call ur boundaries.
Four virtues of Taos
1. We cannot help but feel love and respect when we finally get closer to the true nature of oneness.
2. Sincerity. To be ernest about exposing ur self deceptions abourt who u really are, what u want and do not want, what u feel and do not feel, what scares u and what doesn't, about what is happening in u and in ur situation
See the truth and live according to it, not to lie to urself and deceive urself. If u want something, let urself know that, "Yes, I want something".
When u r really sincere with urself and not trying to be anything else, then u realise ur truth.
3. Delicacy.
You need to become more refined, delicate. You need to have more gentleness, more vulnerability, more receptivity and permeability.
You need gentleness and consideration, a kind of understanding of urself and other people and other beings.
The gentler u r, the simpler u r, the more delicate u r, the more sensitive u r, the closer u r to the reality of oneness.
Treating other people as though they are as valuable, as good, and as worthy of everything u r.
4. Helpfulness.
To be helpful means that u r aware that u do not do work for urself: ur work is for everyone.
If u only work on urself without helping other people in one way or the other, u r not doing the Work.
Father, a loss of a client again. But this time I not as reactive as before. And I no longer take it personally.
On CEO, she told me that she is feeling detached with her husband. She didn't even cry when they were arguing and next morning can even tell her husband that she still love him eventhough they argued. Amazing. Her transformation is great.
Father, for me also. Maybe less in terms of emotion, but more in terms of physical, like getting up at 4am to do hatha yoga and meditation. Delaying meal by 1.5 hours at nite.
Just now while meditation, tot of d guy came in and I says that if Universe can bring him from Germany, He can bring him to me too.
My Three of Spades in Venus.
You can expect many changes in ur attractions and friendship.
Soul - true, firstly rship with GM has been redefined. Then I have attraction to 3 different guy. Good thing is the profiles is getting closer to what I want in a partner. So, I can continue to dream, what I want is out there.
Diamond Heart
You do not need to get anywhere, you just need to forget about what u think u r. You just need to relax the tension that u call ur boundaries.
Four virtues of Taos
1. We cannot help but feel love and respect when we finally get closer to the true nature of oneness.
2. Sincerity. To be ernest about exposing ur self deceptions abourt who u really are, what u want and do not want, what u feel and do not feel, what scares u and what doesn't, about what is happening in u and in ur situation
See the truth and live according to it, not to lie to urself and deceive urself. If u want something, let urself know that, "Yes, I want something".
When u r really sincere with urself and not trying to be anything else, then u realise ur truth.
3. Delicacy.
You need to become more refined, delicate. You need to have more gentleness, more vulnerability, more receptivity and permeability.
You need gentleness and consideration, a kind of understanding of urself and other people and other beings.
The gentler u r, the simpler u r, the more delicate u r, the more sensitive u r, the closer u r to the reality of oneness.
Treating other people as though they are as valuable, as good, and as worthy of everything u r.
4. Helpfulness.
To be helpful means that u r aware that u do not do work for urself: ur work is for everyone.
If u only work on urself without helping other people in one way or the other, u r not doing the Work.
Feeling good
Oct 7
Father, today practices were good. My head was touching my knee effortlessly in the single leg sitting posture. As for double leg, some effort is required, but m happy with my body after 1 year of hatha. The plough back was effortless and I can just be there and relax.
Father, it has been 2 years since I started on the meditation, everything is coming together.
Was imagining of going with him to all the places I want to explore, like diving, driving to the villages and hills, going back hometown, explore some cave. Imagine our weekend all filled up with adventure.
Of cos, a tot came, why so into him? Well, nevermind, I just visualise it to be manifested. And the beauty is he is also a thinker. I know our rship will be effortless.
Then have tot of going with him to my dream swiss restaurant, going with him to the french restaurant. A tot came, that he will see the beautiful french gals and drop me. Then immediately an alternative tot came, he has been around the world and he came for me. Besides he know its difficult to find someone like me, very unique
This is the adventure that I wish for.
Also tot of introducing him to MF and gang.
(Nov 21 - Father, this is just the mental relationship I have in my mind. It was good while it last. I now realised I do have a compulsive behaviour is projecting one-sided relationship in my mind. Alas, since it is one-sided and only in my mind, its no wonder that it never materialised. And here I forgot and instead perceive myself as being rejected. Alas, it was me who have done it to myself. No one rejected me as the relationship is only in mind.)
Message from Fairies during the Transformation Board game played last Saturday on 2 Oct.
1. Your Wish is Granted!
What you've asked for is coming true.
The fairies know how to magically manifest all of their material needs and desires, and they also assist people - like urself - in making their dreams come true.
This card represents that the fairies are very happy to grant ur wish.
They work with universal forces and energies, but u can also help your prayer rapidly manifest by going with the flow in ur own life.
Stay as centred and peaceful as possible because negativity could block ur desire. Go outside in nature to keep ur spirit soaring with the magical energies of joy and gratitude.
Your tots are manifesting into form quickly, so be sure that ur silent prayers and spoken words are aligned with ur desires and not ur fears. Trust in the Universe. Keep a sense of wonder and awe.
Soul
Silent prayers and spoken words to be aligned to my desires and not my fears. Yeap, what I want will come quickly.
Ace of Clubs
A new plan and new way of communicating with the world around you and to pursue ur new plan.
This is embarking on a new way of thinking and communicating with others. Good to start something new.
Soul
Amen.
Will align my inner tots and spoken words with my desire of having an effortless relationship with my partner.
Just send out email to Tamil teacher asking if he know of nice volunteer willing to take me out for the day in Chennai. Ask and u may receive.
Also send out note to the guy. He was very appreciative of my help. First tot was I cannot take the credit. 2nd tot was I just do my job so I can get him out of the way.
Father, why can't I take credit. At least I select the right Real estate agent and got YL to recommend the right Recruiter.
P always say that I don't give credit. I know I do, but only on things that takes effort.
Father, today practices were good. My head was touching my knee effortlessly in the single leg sitting posture. As for double leg, some effort is required, but m happy with my body after 1 year of hatha. The plough back was effortless and I can just be there and relax.
Father, it has been 2 years since I started on the meditation, everything is coming together.
Was imagining of going with him to all the places I want to explore, like diving, driving to the villages and hills, going back hometown, explore some cave. Imagine our weekend all filled up with adventure.
Of cos, a tot came, why so into him? Well, nevermind, I just visualise it to be manifested. And the beauty is he is also a thinker. I know our rship will be effortless.
Then have tot of going with him to my dream swiss restaurant, going with him to the french restaurant. A tot came, that he will see the beautiful french gals and drop me. Then immediately an alternative tot came, he has been around the world and he came for me. Besides he know its difficult to find someone like me, very unique
This is the adventure that I wish for.
Also tot of introducing him to MF and gang.
(Nov 21 - Father, this is just the mental relationship I have in my mind. It was good while it last. I now realised I do have a compulsive behaviour is projecting one-sided relationship in my mind. Alas, since it is one-sided and only in my mind, its no wonder that it never materialised. And here I forgot and instead perceive myself as being rejected. Alas, it was me who have done it to myself. No one rejected me as the relationship is only in mind.)
Message from Fairies during the Transformation Board game played last Saturday on 2 Oct.
1. Your Wish is Granted!
What you've asked for is coming true.
The fairies know how to magically manifest all of their material needs and desires, and they also assist people - like urself - in making their dreams come true.
This card represents that the fairies are very happy to grant ur wish.
They work with universal forces and energies, but u can also help your prayer rapidly manifest by going with the flow in ur own life.
Stay as centred and peaceful as possible because negativity could block ur desire. Go outside in nature to keep ur spirit soaring with the magical energies of joy and gratitude.
Your tots are manifesting into form quickly, so be sure that ur silent prayers and spoken words are aligned with ur desires and not ur fears. Trust in the Universe. Keep a sense of wonder and awe.
Soul
Silent prayers and spoken words to be aligned to my desires and not my fears. Yeap, what I want will come quickly.
Ace of Clubs
A new plan and new way of communicating with the world around you and to pursue ur new plan.
This is embarking on a new way of thinking and communicating with others. Good to start something new.
Soul
Amen.
Will align my inner tots and spoken words with my desire of having an effortless relationship with my partner.
Just send out email to Tamil teacher asking if he know of nice volunteer willing to take me out for the day in Chennai. Ask and u may receive.
Also send out note to the guy. He was very appreciative of my help. First tot was I cannot take the credit. 2nd tot was I just do my job so I can get him out of the way.
Father, why can't I take credit. At least I select the right Real estate agent and got YL to recommend the right Recruiter.
P always say that I don't give credit. I know I do, but only on things that takes effort.
Feeling good
Oct 6
Father, woke up at 4 am, did my practices for 2 hours 40 min. So deep. These days breathing meditation, shambavi and shakti is so deep that shoonya seems light. But will see, possibly mind working overtime on d french guy. This mornin have imagination of going for diving with him. Doing my yoga and breathing meditation on the beach. Fantastic.
Was having such a good time in my dream that I missed my turning.
Osho
1. The Issue
Suppression
What u suppressed cannot face u directly, but from the dark side, they go on influencing your behaviour.
Find a healing outlet for the suppression.
Soul
Yea, I have suppressed my wound and it comes out as humiliating tot that resulted in envious emotion.
2. Internal influence that I am unaware
Transformation
The language of transformation can only be understood by your loving heart, cannot use reasoning or intellectual mind. Just listen, not bothering whether it is true or not. And a moment comes when suddenly u can see it.
Just allow any pain, sorrow or difficulty just to be there. Just accepting its "facticity". There is nothing more u can do. Transformation comes in its own time
3. External influence
Playfulness.
The moment u start seeing life as non-serious, a playfulness, all of the burden on ur heart disappears. All the fear of death, of life, of love - everything disappear
Life is rarely as serious as we believe it to be, and when we recognise this fact, it responds by giving us more and more opportunities to play.
You are ready for the fresh and new. Something wonderful is just on the horizon and u have just the right quality of playful innocence and clarity to welcome it with open arms.
Soul
True. The expat guy, I have no serious intention on him. I just want to play. Just a companion, a friend that have common interest, enjoy the beach, eating good food, having great coffee, easy and deep conversation, laughing at ourselves and each other, sharing our knowing about ourselves.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Inner Voice
If u have found ur truth within yourself, there is nothing more in this whole existence to find. Truth is functioning through you. Then you live as truth - alive, radiant, contented, blissful, a song unto yourself, a grace that does not belong to our mundane world, a ray of light coming from the beyond into the darkness of our world.
There are times in our lives when too many voices seem to be pulling us this way and that. Our very confusion in such situations is a reminder to seek silence and centering within. Only then are we able to hear our truth.
Soul
Yea, Diamond Heart talks about spontaneous transformation. And if it doesn't happen, then we need to act by doing, otherwise there will be imbalance.
At first tot to follow by Doing, quit job and etc. Then I tot, my path is meeting my Destiny. Just focus my energy on that.
Then did the Transformation Game, that tells me of my suppression of emotion. At first wanted to find how to address the wound. And then, just tot the wound is me. Main thing is not to let the wound influence my future.
Father, I want to be in abundance, so nothing is lost.
I don't want to be like the Brazilian who has nothing to lose.
My focus is on my Destiny as Transformational Leader.
5. Resolution
Controlled persons are always nervous because deep down turmoil is still hidden. If u r uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then u r not nervous, cos whatsoever happens, happens. You have no expectations for the future, u r not performing.
There is a time and place for control, but if we put it in charge of our lives, we end up totally rigid, without any spontaneity or vulnerability in us.
If things gets a little out of hand, its probably just what the doctor ordered. There is much more to life than being "on top of things".
Soul
True. I have learned to accept my Control mode. I have learnt to switch it off and on. I know that when my wound is triggered, it will go auto control, and I would switch it on manually after the emotion of fear has passed.
Amen.
Evening
I am glad I met him before he goes. When I found out he left without saying goodbye, I felt I lost him. I missed him. Wow, I just met him once. First tot is I am weak, but second tot never mind, I am attracted to him. Like CEO says, u even forget that he is white. He is comfortable with us. He was open.
When I was meditating, I tot of diving with him and also having our chinese new year dinner with him. A tot came, he probably has one gal in each port. Nevermind, I am just looking for companionship.
A says I am pragmatic and afraid to dream for what I want, something like love. Well, I am dreaming about it.
Diamond Heart
If u think about ur life, with its problems and issues from the perspective of unity, u tend not to take things so seriously. It is from this perspective that true human value emerge. Love, compassion, truth and appreciation come naturally. You are not loving someone else; u r loving urself all the time. U never loves someone else. There is only oneness, one reality.
The goal of someone who is sincerely doing inner work is oneness, our unity which means that it is not just for u.
It is everyone and everything, and it is for everyone and everything.
Father, woke up at 4 am, did my practices for 2 hours 40 min. So deep. These days breathing meditation, shambavi and shakti is so deep that shoonya seems light. But will see, possibly mind working overtime on d french guy. This mornin have imagination of going for diving with him. Doing my yoga and breathing meditation on the beach. Fantastic.
Was having such a good time in my dream that I missed my turning.
Osho
1. The Issue
Suppression
What u suppressed cannot face u directly, but from the dark side, they go on influencing your behaviour.
Find a healing outlet for the suppression.
Soul
Yea, I have suppressed my wound and it comes out as humiliating tot that resulted in envious emotion.
2. Internal influence that I am unaware
Transformation
The language of transformation can only be understood by your loving heart, cannot use reasoning or intellectual mind. Just listen, not bothering whether it is true or not. And a moment comes when suddenly u can see it.
Just allow any pain, sorrow or difficulty just to be there. Just accepting its "facticity". There is nothing more u can do. Transformation comes in its own time
3. External influence
Playfulness.
The moment u start seeing life as non-serious, a playfulness, all of the burden on ur heart disappears. All the fear of death, of life, of love - everything disappear
Life is rarely as serious as we believe it to be, and when we recognise this fact, it responds by giving us more and more opportunities to play.
You are ready for the fresh and new. Something wonderful is just on the horizon and u have just the right quality of playful innocence and clarity to welcome it with open arms.
Soul
True. The expat guy, I have no serious intention on him. I just want to play. Just a companion, a friend that have common interest, enjoy the beach, eating good food, having great coffee, easy and deep conversation, laughing at ourselves and each other, sharing our knowing about ourselves.
4. What is needed for resolution?
Inner Voice
If u have found ur truth within yourself, there is nothing more in this whole existence to find. Truth is functioning through you. Then you live as truth - alive, radiant, contented, blissful, a song unto yourself, a grace that does not belong to our mundane world, a ray of light coming from the beyond into the darkness of our world.
There are times in our lives when too many voices seem to be pulling us this way and that. Our very confusion in such situations is a reminder to seek silence and centering within. Only then are we able to hear our truth.
Soul
Yea, Diamond Heart talks about spontaneous transformation. And if it doesn't happen, then we need to act by doing, otherwise there will be imbalance.
At first tot to follow by Doing, quit job and etc. Then I tot, my path is meeting my Destiny. Just focus my energy on that.
Then did the Transformation Game, that tells me of my suppression of emotion. At first wanted to find how to address the wound. And then, just tot the wound is me. Main thing is not to let the wound influence my future.
Father, I want to be in abundance, so nothing is lost.
I don't want to be like the Brazilian who has nothing to lose.
My focus is on my Destiny as Transformational Leader.
5. Resolution
Controlled persons are always nervous because deep down turmoil is still hidden. If u r uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then u r not nervous, cos whatsoever happens, happens. You have no expectations for the future, u r not performing.
There is a time and place for control, but if we put it in charge of our lives, we end up totally rigid, without any spontaneity or vulnerability in us.
If things gets a little out of hand, its probably just what the doctor ordered. There is much more to life than being "on top of things".
Soul
True. I have learned to accept my Control mode. I have learnt to switch it off and on. I know that when my wound is triggered, it will go auto control, and I would switch it on manually after the emotion of fear has passed.
Amen.
Evening
I am glad I met him before he goes. When I found out he left without saying goodbye, I felt I lost him. I missed him. Wow, I just met him once. First tot is I am weak, but second tot never mind, I am attracted to him. Like CEO says, u even forget that he is white. He is comfortable with us. He was open.
When I was meditating, I tot of diving with him and also having our chinese new year dinner with him. A tot came, he probably has one gal in each port. Nevermind, I am just looking for companionship.
A says I am pragmatic and afraid to dream for what I want, something like love. Well, I am dreaming about it.
Diamond Heart
If u think about ur life, with its problems and issues from the perspective of unity, u tend not to take things so seriously. It is from this perspective that true human value emerge. Love, compassion, truth and appreciation come naturally. You are not loving someone else; u r loving urself all the time. U never loves someone else. There is only oneness, one reality.
The goal of someone who is sincerely doing inner work is oneness, our unity which means that it is not just for u.
It is everyone and everything, and it is for everyone and everything.
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