Samyama Refresher (3)

Oct 25

Father, practices is good today. Was laughing during suria. Towards the end of shambavi, I didn't stay long. Guess I want to come out of meditation mode. Went to Linga, just tot I sit a little while (meaning less than 10 min) and absorb the energy. Little did I know that my body start to move, the moment I sat down and I stayed on for about 40 min. She caught me by surprise. It so cosy that, its like resting in me.
Father, I still have fear of losing myself when I meditate for too long. Guess what's Osho telling me, just go into my Inner Sky.

Diamond Heart
If there is no real contact, there is no real relationship. So, u have to constantly activate of those mental relationship because u cannot tolerate being with no rship in ur mind. That is why most of the time people are thinking about other people. You are always engaged in some kind of rship in ur mind. You do not allow urself to feel the absence of the real rship.
But you have to allow urself to feel that absence, feel the aloneness - which is the hole of the real relationship before u will be able to experience the real relationship.

Soul
Father, I have engaged in frustrating relationship for fun of it. Guess when it ended, I felt rejected. But it was me who created it and since there is no actual interaction, it died by itself. So, no rejection per se.

Diamond Heart
Now, u realised that u have a mind and a spirit. These are new things, that u hadn't seen before. And knowledge of these things is simply added to what u already know; it usually doesn't shake up ur previously known world.

We believe that in our realisation or our understanding, or with more experience or maturity, something new is happening, but it is actually a matter of adding content to the same given world. We are merely seeing more of what is already there that we have not seen. "Our world is our knowledge". The more we experience the world, the more our knowledge expands. The more our knowledge expands, the more our world expands.

One of the first things we realise when we become more knowledgeable about ourselves is that our emotional state depends a lot on the memory content of our minds, on what we have experienced in the past. No matter how much psychological insight we have, how many inner spiritual experiences we have, how many times we see angels or talk with God, if our experience still occur within the old concepts, no actual transformation of ourselves and of our world will happen.

(Nov 28 - It is becoming even more apparent after I did samyama. Cos now I have a comparison of the content-less state vs content state. The thing that I haven't been able to get out is when the content is pleasureable, I hooked on. Or when there is bad tot, I would create pleasureable tot to 'close' it off. But the problem is that I got hooked. I am now slowly but surely realise content-less state is the way to go.)