New beginning need Letting go (2)

Oct 16
Father, today practices, I can't seem to connect. I was fully aware. Mmm, not sure now if I connected or not. What I meant was, I don't feel m lost to the energy.

Swimming. There were so many people. Guess its testing me to swim in the middle ground. I did, just tell myself to focus on floating and forget about reaching the end. I did it. Swam in the middle.

Diamond Heart
There is no way that we can penetrate or open our eyes to that totally fresh, totally virginal, absolute innocent reality unless we let ourselves be completely defenseless and vulnerable, with no ideas or preconception, without even a movement of mind or consciousness.
Whatever we are, whatever we see, is spontaneous, the completely uncontrollable wild explosiveness of reality. That's what it means not to look through the mind.

Soul
A tall order.

Diamond Heart
This is the hint of the kind of depth our inquiry can reach so we don't delude ourselves into believing that we know where we are going and we do not delude ourselves in pursuing things that we already know, that we already planned and mapped. This is the true function of knowledge. True knowledge is not an accumulation.
In the dead world, we want knowledge that will silence our questions. We want our questions to be answered for good; we want to have no more question.
The fact is True knowledge is the opening of questions. It jus shows u more and more that u do not know. When u have the next insight, u have just found something, but at the same instant, u realise how much more u do not know. And it should continue that way - seeing how much more u do not know, until finally u realise u do not know anything. When u finally see that u know absolutely nothing, then maybe it is possible to be innocent.
True knowledge does not gives us comfort. It does not makes us secure and cozy; it makes us more and more insecure because it causes us to lose our ground more and more since the ground we are standing on is fake. It is difficult and terrifying.

Soul
I have been there. My belief especially about myself has been turned so many times that I now stop taking myself too seriously.

Diamond Heart
Our work reveals the perception and understanding that we are freshness, we are innocence. We are an unknowableness.
True inquiry results in an unveiling, a penetration, a dropping-away and seeing through things. Everything that u can see, u can know, fine; know it, see it, understand it and let it go. It is not the end of the journey yet.

Soul
I feel more secure about my writings. There will be infinite insights that I will be uncovering and hence the flow will be endless. Need not worry about it stopping.

Diamond Heart
Maslow hierarchy of needs states that self actualisation happens after a person develops a strong personality. A person has to develop certain strengths before they can begin to let go of those things. Then it seems like there are two things going on at the same time. One is the development of self, and the other is a complete letting go of it at the same time, which can appear paradoxical.
That is the natural process of our Work. The various levels of realisation are nothing but a process of actualising the concepts of the mind. You actualise love, u actualise success, u actualise happiness, u actualise this and that. Everytime u actualise something completely, when u really have it, that's when u realise that it is really an idea in ur mind. The moment u know is an idea - pop - it is gone. Then the next one comes.
The process of development is the same thing as the process of unveiling or shedding at the same time. The development and actualisation of a state is what is needed to go beyond it. You cannot go beyond self until u actualise self. For instance, when u finally know ur true self, u r it, u also gone beyond it.
The same goes for desires. You let go of ur desires by actualising them, by understanding them completely. You need to experience them completely.
You cannot let go of self until u completely have urself. You cannot let go of ur own will until u completely have ur will. You cannot let go of love until u have loss.
If u remember this is a process, that the actualisation is at the same time a loss, a going beyond, that will help u not to get so frustrated and suffer so much.
When u actualise, u lost it at the same time. It is gone to allow space for the next revelation of reality. If we do not know that that is what happens, we could get very disappointed and angry at God and reality. "What's this - it is unfair! I have worked all these years, finally I am happy, and now it is gone? But when we know that this is what happens, that it is the natural process of growth, just as the fruit comes out of the flower, then u do not feel disappointed, angry and hurt that u lost the flower.

Soul
What irony! Just when I have taken off the judgement against God for all my endless trials and challenges, despite me meeting them, I now know its meant to be.