Mind is non-stop

Sept 22

Father, today my elbow recovered. No pain, so Suria namaskara was easy but I was distracted by so many tots from office, namely GM and Incentive issue.

Earlier, I was focused on lessening the pain and now that my attention is freed up and my awareness heightened, I am seeing how much tots are in my mind, non-stop. At first I try to stop but I couldn't, later I just focus on my breathe and it lessen considerably.

Then samyama meditation also not so in, I was just 50 percent of norm, despite constant breathe awareness.

Father, m getting bit edgy cos cannot go off these 2 weeks. Aiyah, go wit the flow besides, I will be off for 1 week next month.

I feel pressed. CEO and GM is like cornering me, leaving me little time on my own.
I feel torn whenever GM tracked me down.
I also feel like the biz need to be taken care of since GM is now not focused. I worried on meeting numbers. I feel the burden. Also, since I cannot take my day off, no time to re-charge.
Feel like I have to hold the fort. Like I m responsible.

My rship with CEO is fine but m worried abt my rship with GM. I have got on to CEO's ship partly for my career, for the company and CEO asked for my help and we do have loads in common and do enjoy each other companion.

How to tell GM. That I don't agree with her mode, that I don't trust her. That she is pulling us all down by not doing her part. Telling her that she should go if she cannot contribute. Actually no problem telling. Only worried what if she become CEO, then she may make my life not easy. Aiyah, again fear of future.

Yea, I feel put upon and tired and I need my time off. Main tot is no one care for me. They think only they have issue. I am also bit lost, feeling uncertain of my destiny, trying to keep a lid of things.
Yea, instead of working on my issue, I have to helped them. So, I felt its unfair bit. That they have me and I have no one. This is classic case of Power = Responsibility.

Anyway, wil change belief. Just becos no one take care of me, doesn't mean they don't love, its just they tot I am fine, self-protect wit my meditation.
Now I realised, I used RA as a crutch to seek symphaty

What am I feeling?
Rollo May - Mature person becomes able to differentiate feelings into as many nuances, strong and passionate experiences, or delicate and sensitive users as in the different passages of music in a symphony.

We learn to detach from our feelings and live in our head. We r not complete as we haven't acknowledged a vital part of ourselves, our emotional body. We have not been taught how to become aware of our feelings, let alone express them.
Feelings are universal connectors as they reveal our inner dispositions without any words required.
Learning to name them is crucial to knowing who we are. When we respect our emotions, we encourage self-growth. When we ignore them, we overlook our true potential.

First of all, we need to separate our feelings from our tots.
Example of tots masked as feeling
1. I feel like my son is ill
2. I feel like hitting u.

Eventhough the sentences begin with "I", they don't end with a word describing a feeling, such as angry, sad, happy, excited.

Emotional intelligence, which is the ability to understand, honour and respond to our feelings is vital in maintaining personal wellness, valuable friendships and loving partnerships.
In relationships, people relate better with one another and it strengthens the bond.

Soul
Father, I always tot I have emotional intelligence. Looks like I don't, what I have is emotional control. No wonder the INTP personality profile states that I was disconnected from my feelings and hence bit handicapped in romantic relationship.
I basically express emotion on food, spiritual knowledge and meditation and biz. Others, flat.

What am I feeling?
What others say and do may be the stimulus but never the cause of our feelings.
For emotional liberation, we need to shine the light of consciousness on our own feelings and need.
Any feeling of hurt is derived from an unfulfilled need.
Criticism and judgement of others are merely unhealthy expressions of our own unmet needs.
When someone say, "You are never there for me", what they are really stating is their unfulfilled need for support and intimacy.
However expressing our needs indirectly in this manner will only bring forth a counter attack or self-defense action from the other parthy.
We stand a better chance of getting our needs met when we express them in a positive manner without blaming or hurting anyone.

Soul
Sentence to connect, learned during Soul sisters program
I feel ..... because I need ....