Relationships is a mixture of good and bad, thats the reality

Oct 22
Father, I felt sleepy during breathing. Few times caught myself going to sleep. Guess Osho card was right. I was lazy. But Shambavi was good. After the chakra clearing in Soul Sister pgm, my aum chanting is much better and I now like it.
This morning tot of doing my writing in chennai airport.
My good friend P jus send me a msg.
Hope u'll find the peace n love you've been seeking for all these years on this trip... My prayers n blessings go with u. Namaste.
I told her no expectation. Also, I was lazy and only did 30 percent of preparation. I guess partly due to I no longer have expectation of samyama. Me, going there is just to deepen my meditation. Even not expecting that I can do samyama meditation then.
　
Yesterday, office phone was cut due to delayed payment. While I did assert my displeasure at my team, I wasn't that anxious about it. Surprisingly CEO also was not angry and nicely told me to ensure it doesn't arise again.

Yday, finally overcome my initial resentment of GM for not playing the role. This time I took charge and guide her to track revenue. In future, the variance is her responsibility. She will also ensure Rolling Forecast is updated monthly. Amazing improvement. Yea!
Her long range card was Queen of Diamond - learning to manage biz and coincidentally her KPI is business mgm, she also want to take mba pgm.
And I am Queen of Diamond, the one to guide her. Father, now that I accepted the role of her guide, I felt better. Guess, me resisting to teach/give again. Must remember giving is receiving. By giving to her, I will receive the benefit of being freed from business responsibility. My 3 days week (Tue to Thu) for Jan 2011 looks real.

Diamond Heart
The mind tends to see relationships in black and white - a relationship is either purely good or purely bad.
When u see the person as bad, u tend to see them as purely bad, and u react in a way that makes the whole relationship frustrating, hostile or bad.
When we see the person as good, we believe we have a good relationship, a purely positive relationship, with the hope that it will continue to become more and more positive. This negative hope will make u want to exclude, not allow, not recognise, not acknowledge the negative aspects of it.
In reality, it is a mixture of good and bad. But u do not allow urself to have both at the same time. The moment we perceive the good, we want it to be all good. The moment we perceive the bad, we feel disappointed and hurt.
In a real relationship, what actually happens, the interaction that actually occurs, is rarely purely one way or the other. Interactions are mixtures of various proportions. Our mind does not let us acknowledge and live according to reality, but is always thinking in terms of absolute. When ur friend is bad, u respond is a completely reactive way.
　
Soul
True. But I now have enough experience to know that its a mixture. Father, both my close friends in this passion of mine has been procrastinating and delayed my plan considerably. Firstly C and now I think V too. With C it was unexpected and the latest, didn't reply my sms or call me back. With V, it was expected cos his follow thru is not good.
So, instead of waiting and create unnecessary frustration. I asked for timeline. With C, I had to do the ultimatum before she send me the cds, which absolutely a no-brainer. I now think that she wan to learn with me concurrently. Since she is bz, she delayed me too. With V, he has improved somewhat.
Perhaps its me, I was also procrastinating and hence create situation like this.

(Nov 28 - yeap, V is busy. Anyway, I found another outsource agent. Will know by next week, if V agrees and then can go full force. I also found my Proof Reader)