Why outer ransformation doesnt happen to me (3)

Sept 29

Father, today I changed my breathing. No more conscious loud breathing, just watching my breathe. Less impactful, but this is the base for samyama.
Anyway, suria was quite effortless. Shambavi was good, nowadays I noticed that my legs start to go up and down during fast breathing, something picked up during Sadhguru special meditation.

The book Diamond Heart is really meant for me. You have guided me to it. For me, the Understand and Being has been quite effortless as it was a gift from past life and also due to my commitment. As for the Doing, I tot it would be effortless too, will come on its own. I see that for other, seem quite easy, perhaps the Understanding and Being was not easy and hence Doing is easier.

Father, I have been a mental and inward looking person, so perhaps that's why Understanding and Being is easy.
Doing - something I don't like, even at work or at home. So, doubly tough especially due to my valuation mode and need for security, and fear of rejection by mass public.
I wonder whether it is because there is a disharmony between my inner and outer that is causing RA to be activated.

Just now tot of being a CEO coach, I was fine with that. I can provide both professional and personal input. In the end, I prefer to work with leaders, firstly because I am one, secondly I can be impatient and thirdly being a leader, they would be more independent and take charge, ie less dependent on me. Fourthly, being a leader myself and good in business, I am able to relate better with them. The idea is getting to me.
Also, lastly, they can pay better. The returns are good.

Osho
1. The issue
No-Thingness
No-thingness to no-thingness is the whole journey. So, why in the middle, do you become worried, anxious and ambitious?
Being in the gap can be disconcerting. Nothing to hold on to, no sense of direction, not even a hint of what choices and possibilities might lie ahead. But it was just this state of pure potential that existed before the universe was created. So, relax and fall into the silence between the words. Watch this gap between incoming and outgoing breathe. Something sacred is about to be born.

Soul
All my doing/transformation is just for the Understanding and Being. I have not fall into Doing yet.
The direction are there, but I am worried about the success. I am in the gap and bit anxious cos fear of losing security. Aiyah, why afraid. The security is my issue.
I used to tot I am secure and now I know I am not, going with the circle, I may be truly secure. My knowing; Partial to Nothing to Fully.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Inner Voice.
If u have found your truth within yourself, there is nothing more in this existence to find. Truth is functioning through u. If u simply understand u r the device, u don't have to do anything. Then u live as truth - alive, radiant, contented, blissful, a song unto yourself.
The Inner Voice is able to accept both the dark and the light. It has the clarity that comes from transcending all dualities.
There are times in our lives when too many voices seem to be pulling us this way and that. Our very confusion in such situations is a reminder to seek silence and centering within. Only then are we able to hear the truth.

Soul
Truth is nothing to nothing.
What I know is Partial to Nothing to Fullness.
Let me remember this. It was the same courage that let me to open all my inner doors. This is the big door.
Let me find the courage.

3. External Influence
Conditioning
Unless u drop ur personality, u will not be able to find ur individuality.
Its time to take a look at ur own reflection in the pond and make a move to break out of whatever u have been conditioned by others and yourself to believe about yourself.
Dance, jog, do gibberish - whatever needed to wake up in the sleeping lion within.

4. Past lives
The child can become conscious only if in the past life he has meditated enough, has created enough meditative energy to fight the darkness.
See the karmic patterns of our lives, their roots in endless, repetitive cycle that traps us in unconscious behaviour
A glimpse into the eternity of our existence is a gift and understanding the function of karma in our lives is not something that can be grasped at will. This is a wake up call, the events in ur life are trying to show u a pattern as ancient as the journey of ur own soul.

Soul
Tricky
5. Resolution
Existence
You are not accidental. Existence need u.
Home is an inner quality of relaxation and acceptance.
Once u r clean and clear, you see the tremendous love falling on u from universe.