Suffering is blessing (5)

Sept 24

Today practice session was 2.5 hours. Samyama was not as great but shambavi is so deep, such long lasting contentment.
During fast breathing, I noticed my legs keep on flapping. Looks like energy has increased.

S - Nine of Club
Death of a certain mind set - his lack of parameter, forever learning.
My role is to help Not to focus on weakness. Work on strength. Hire ur weakness. Then u can grow and not pull back.

I wanted to have easy way, not fair to him.

Father, my cosmic lesson Seven of Spade may not be my health. It could be the publishing work that I m going to do. This require lots of faith. My elbow has healed.

Publishing - my goal and challenge.

True Self
The wound that we give and receive either destroy us or they wake us up. If we allow ourselves to feel the pain of the wound, deeply and profoundly, our only choice is to wake up.

If we stuff the pain or medicate it, the pain become chronic. In that case, the wound is hidden and goes unhealed.


Soul
That's what I meant by suffering is a blessing, as it is a wake up call.

True Self
It takes one person to stand up and say "I cannot stand this pain anymore. I must find the cause of it and heal it once and for all". She can then end the pain not just for herself but also for her children, and her children's children.

Soul
That's exactly was my stand. I state that I cannot believe God creates us to suffer as he is not cruel nor stupid. That's why I dive in open my door of unconsciousness and release my fears. And its true, our joy is just hidden within.
And now I am ready to share with all.

True Self
The choice to feel our pain and heal our wounds is a choice each one of us will make or refuse to make.
If we choose to make it, the candle of hope will be lit for countless others. If we choose not to make it, the world becomes a little darker and more dreary.

Soul
I know. What I need to accept is just to Share. Sharing is a creative expression from me, that I truly enjoy and it is not a responsibility to others.

True Self
Story
My heart was closed to love as I tot I was a total failure, unworthy to be loved.
Paul challenged me to tell my story at retreats and to open myself to greater healing. That was terrifying to me. I was afraid of being judged and rejected by others. But I kept walking through the doors.

Soul
When V said about having facebook, interview or etc. I balked. I said why can't I stay anonymous until I get famous. He replied that if I am anonymous, who will read my book and then how to get famous.
I then contend to use JoyOng instead of fullname, so at least I don't have to receives calls from people who knows me.


True Self
Story
To heal, I have had to become a Mommy to myself, I have had to learn to wrap my arms around myself and hold myself gently. Today, because I am learning to stop beating myself up, I can show up for all the wounded and abondened children out there, because I was one of them.
The wound and the gift run hand in hand. Where I have hurt most is where I must heal and that too is where I can best serve others.

Soul
I have been giving myself hug after meditation. But these last 2 weeks, no such expression, just contentment.
My wound is rejection/self-criticism, thinking m not enough to be loved.
In the end, I found my True Self and I love me.


True Self
When the Pandora"s bos is opened, it is impossible to put all of the demon back inside.
Once u have made the decision to heal, anything less than that is not satisfactory. You have to go back and finish the job.

Soul
True. It was an endless journey, but the ride is no longer that tough.