Why outer ransformation doesnt happen to me

Sept 26 Evenin

Father, this afternoon, I found out that SL is my 1st karma card in my Ruling card. No wonder, I have to give so much. Just like M is my 1st karma card in Destiny.
SL - low self esteem, going on complaining but didn't come out.
M - too much in the head, want so many things and nothing come out of it.

Father, guess this is about me too. Also checked my Ruling card with Seven of Diamond of CEO, Uranus in 1st connection, CEO is my double Saturn cards in 2 and 4th connection, mutual Jupiter. Now I know why we have so much issue. Well, we crossed over and now in Jupiter in both Ruling and Destiny. Amen.

Ten of Club of GM, I am her double Saturn cards, giving her all the 'shoulds'. Except all the shoulds in my mind and hence my frustration and resentment that I need to teach her. I am also her Pluto card in both my Ruling and Destiny cards. Actually, I will be a great challenge to her too. Is she hiding her resentment for me, just like she hides from CEO. I wonder, mmmm

Diamond Heart
True understanding has to do with transformation. If there is no transformation at the moment of understanding, then there is no real understanding, it just mental activity, part of the seeking activity.

True understanding, Insights are nothing but ur being eating ur inner and outer experiences, metabolizing it. It always leads to greater capacity, greater strength and maturity. What is maturity, if not the complete absorption and metabolisation of ur experience? Genuine understanding leads to an enhanced capacity to live in this world harmoniously.

Just as ur body grows by eating food, your soul develops by eating experience. Hence there is no bad experience since any experience can be metabolised if you are present in it.

The world is like a magic show - you manifest whatever u have inside u. If u r suffering, u will manifest suffering, and if u have happiness, u will manifest that happiness and the world will be a happy place for u. If u have fear and hatred, u will manifest that too.

Soul
Am I suffering? Is that why I manifested so many challenges, at work and health? Also personal romantic rshop? Aiya, don't know lah. (Nov 17 - actually if I do comparison, my suffering is insignificant and I have always receive guidance that lead me to overcome challenges)

Diamond Heart
If there is something arising from within you that is natural, spontaneous and deep, that is not seeking. You being can flow in a certain direction, and be acting without it being ego activity. Your own being flow in a spontaneous, effortless flow.

Soul
I asked if samyama was seeking. Of cos, I knew that was ego trying to put doubt. I cannot deny the timing and the coincidence and meeting Tamil teacher and me learning samyama effortlessly after so many months. Perhaps just need to go back to get a puff up for my publishing venture.

Diamond Heart
The purpose of our having experiences of the refined elements of our nature is not so that we can accumulate them like money in savings account, so that we can use them to give us a sense of something. It is u r acting according to such a childish principles, something in u has not yet changed.

The Work is to guide u to grow and mature so that u can live in accordance with ur true nature. It is meant to support the growth of mature human beings, not to feed and comfort babies. Although the Work is not about gratifying childish needs, this does not mean that those needs have to be rejected or put down. They need to be acknowledged and understood so that u can see u r not really a child and can let go of them or go beyond them. The process of maturation takes a lot of work, a lot of effort, a lot of dedication, and a lot of patience.

Soul
Alas, my answer came. At times, I wonder why no transformation despite so many times of experience of connecting with the Universe.
Also, now that I know Ace of Diamond conflict with Queen of Diamond and Ace of Diamond's Pluto and Saturn cards are Queen of Diamond Cosmic Reward and Result cards, I can now understand the inner conflict in myself.

Diamond Heart
In the beginning, we work on the emotional parts of our personality and then we work to expose our preconceptions, assumptions, and beliefs about reality and ourselves. Later we might have experienced of Essence in its various stages and aspect.
A lot of perseverance is required to perceive ur essential aspects, and then to realise and integrate them. It should first of all be put above one's childish values, principles and influences.
None of this is easy and it will not be done for u. There is lots of work and there is no support. Nobody can do it for u and nobody can give it to u, because it is u.

Soul
Mmm, exactly. For years, I was on the emotional part and now I am working on my preconception, that leads me to write the articles.

Diamond Heart
It is not enough to simply understand what is happening inside urself, ur understanding must manifest in ur actions and in ur interactions with others. You cannot be a genuine human being if ur outer life does not correspond to ur inner life.
This Work is not about just realising urself, feeling wonderful and forgetting everyone else. It is the very nature of being a mature human being to respect others as real human beings, too.

Soul
Ace of Diamond tot it was for ourselves. And hence we were resentful that we have to give. I was scolding God for the payback and angry that others need only to take from my sharing. I did all the hard work and why do I have to give out. Let them do things on their own, like I have to do so.

Diamond Heart
A large part of the Work involves the friction between the principles, ideas and beliefs that u came with, and the principles of the Work. You need to put in the effort to like ur true nature, regardless of how difficult it is. You have to work on it consciously and continuously.

Soul
Tell me about it. Father, why my RA is getting worse??? Why? Now I understand why others take pain killer.

Diamond Heart
First, we have the work of essential realisation. The next step, which is harder, is to learn how to manifest that realisation in ur life. You must face the question of how u r going to live that realisation. You must conduct urself according to the highest values u know, all the time.

If u believe that the integration of ur realisation should just happen by itself or that it should be easy, u r not understanding what life is all about and u r behaving like an infant.

To become a gracious, generous, respectful, loving, kind and clear human being, u have to work at it. It is not going to simply happen. God is not going to do it for u. You have to put effort into it, minute by minute; otherwise u will not transform.

Soul
I got my answer. I tot Vijii got herself transformed just like that. But then she has Sadhguru and she is into sadhanas. Since I am not and I want to live in the world, then I need effort in my transformation. There is no free ride, everything has a price.

Diamond Heart
The refined values of love and compassion and truth are not going to become a part of u and manifest in ur life if u r just sitting on ur ass and meditating or trying to understand urself. If u think it is enough for u to just sit in group or have a breathe work session and experience those finer elements of urself, u r working on the wrong perspective.

Soul
I tot samyama will do it for me. That's why I was disappointed. I tot the price was just the 40 days veg.
Father, thank U. Ur answer came.

Diamond Heart
You have to work at living your life in accordance with those values until it becomes second nature. To do this u need to respect urself. Otherwise, u r indulging urself as u would a child, disparaging ur true potential, and thus betraying the deeper part of yourself.

Our whole problem is that we keep betraying who we are by living in a way that does not befit our actual nature.

You are not trying to love someone, u r just loving, without even thinking about it. Then u r giving, respectful, considerate and u behave and act in a refined and mature human manner.

Soul
I been having doubts about the way I react with GM. Now I saw the Saturn cards with her, I now knew its my suppressed projection being displayed out.

(Nov 17 - I have learned about going for your Passion and now I learnt about going thru life at your own pace.)

Diamond Heart
Life is to be lived with the integrity, dignity and self-respect of a person who knows that the point is not whether something feels good or bad. The point is not to abandon ur true reality, the highest and purest elements within u.
Regardless of how wonderful things are and regardless of how painful things are, ur self-respect is strong enough to maintain ur sense of integrity. It means being sincere about who u r and acting in ways that reflect ur essential human values. It means acting towards others with respect and consideration regardless of what u feel.

Soul
No wonder I was feeling guilty over GM. I broke down and now find it difficult to hold head up.