I worry unnecessarily

Oct 11 Aft
Spoke to GM about her card and my cards.
We shared and I told her that I have been edgy with her for not carrying her role. And I now know its because I am not carrying my Destiny role too.
I told her that I m scared and worried about my Destiny as a writer. I told her my Challenge is negativity, pessimism and worry. She told me its self-created as there is no reason for the negativity. I set myself back.
Then it click, during the transformation card game, when I had the chance to choose any card - Angel, Life Insight or Life Setback. I chose setback. When I did that was I want to uncover all my risk or challenges.
I should have focused on enhancing my positive tots instead of dwelling on the negative ones.

(Nov 26
Soul - The thing is both positive and negative tots also create disturbance and not peace. While I still hold on a bit to them, at least now not sure if either one is a good thing for my peace. Definitely not good for Self-Mastery)


Oct 11 Eve

Father, finally I open up to GM and share with her both our life spread. I also told her about me being edgy with her for not playing her role and me actually projecting out myself not playing the role in my Destiny.
GM has also finally admitted her feeling of unworthiness and she is weak in business acumen. She is willing to take up weekend course. I told her that if she does ABC, I will support her with the rest.
One thing she said about me being worrier for unnecessarily strike me. It such a paradox, I who seem to be easy going, is actually a worrier.

(Nov 26 - How come I miss this?)

Diamond Heart
Self-realisation, which is the realisation of true identity goes through regressive movements. There is greater and greater loss of what u think u are. One after another, always a loss, and the more there is a loss of what u think u r, the more freedom there is.

Soul
Tot of me not wanting to be a man, but neither wanting to be a woman.
I want to be and that's my aim in samyama, just to be whole again.

Diamond Heart
Maturing is living according to the wisdom gained from regression, which is more of a shedding of accumulated concepts about reality.
If u have learned from regression and that is incorporated in the way u live, that is maturity.
Maturity is connected with wisdom, and wisdom is connected with the integration of what u learned and what u experienced. If u have not integrated what u learned from experience, then there is no wisdom.
Wisdom is living according to what u have learned.
Maturity is not an absolute term. It depends on what understanding has been integrated, so there is no end to it.
To live selflessly; to give oneself instead of accumulating for oneself. The more u give, the less there is identification with the person because the person is an experience of being an island. When there is the experience of oneness, the heart is experienced as absolute generosity. There is absolutely no holding back.