Emotional control may be good for social world, but not good for my inner world

Feb 13

Father, woke up feeling bit tired and my left shoulder has bit of pain. I was not sure if I could do suria and tot of just doing asanas. Then I said let body decides. When it start, it went into suria and there were no pain. Infact suria was quite effortless and I was even laughing. Shakti and shambavi was fine, not many tots.


Six of Diamonds
There will be some sorts of settling of accounts. Though this card usually takes the form of financial debt, it can also manifest in payments of other forms of "value"
This card indicated a lack of change in money, health or business even when it is desired.

Soul
No wonder, M is leaving and C has too much on her plate to do sathsang. Being sathsang guide is easy for me. So, I offer to do it. Like P said, the friendship is strong.
Earlier I wanted to release my role in Isha but looks like I am back to square one. Now with M leaving, I need to take a lead role.
Father, what I learned is that resistance leads to suffering. Just go with the flow. The Universe knows what is best for me. Last year my spiritual program was Z and this year would be Isha.

(Mar 23 - There were quite a few unexpected drama with teacher. We solved one after another, but no more. It ended, teacher was the tool that enable me to say "No" outwardly, to coincide with my "No" inwardly. Coincidentally Nine of Heart in Uranus period)

Soul without shame
As u have recognised, ur judge arose in the environment of ur family, particularly ur mother and ur father, or whoever else may have been around if neither of them is present.

U could not help but take their actions and words as representative of how life is, so u internalised their statements and attitudes as part of ur inner environment, most notably as the judge. Because of this process of internalisation, u still live out of ur parental environment and it is difficult to separate ur sense of urself from ur parents and their desires and expectations of u and of themselves.

Soul
From my dad - don't quarrel. dont raise voice.
From my mom - do good and always be in control of ur emotion
From my brother - always be smart.
From my family - food and siblings