I compromise because I don't want to lose control, to be emotional

Mar 5 Eve

Osho
1. The issue
Fighting
An explosive temper or a smoldering rage often masks a deep feeling of pain. We think that if we frighten people away, we can avoid being hurt even more. In fact, just the opposite is the case. By covering our wounds with our amour we are preventing them from being healed. By lashing out at others we keep ourselves from getting the love and nourishment we need.

If this description seems to fit u, its time to stop fighting. There is so much love available to u if u just let it in. Start by forgiving urself; u r worth it.

Soul
Yea. I will tell teacher that I am not affected by N per se except that he is affecting others. I see him quite harmless as he doesn't have true power. What I was triggered was by teacher defending him over and over again and even by scolding us for not respecting him. Whereas his off-putting emails were not even chastised at all. And he also cannot lead nor gather any team and here we have been doing that. Instead we r asked to seek leadership from someone who can't do it.

Me, heavy duty volunteering cos I don't want to do it. I don't expect appreciation but neither do I expect to be scolded.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Awareness
This mind give u a sort of stupor. Burdened by the memories of the past, burdened by the projections of the future, u go on living - at the minimum. U don't live at the maximum. Ur flame remains very dim.

Once u start dropping tots, the dust u have collected in the past, the flame arises - clean, clear, alive, young. Ur whole life becomes a flame, and a flame without any smoke. That is what awareness is.

A channel is now opening from the circumference of activity to that center of witnessing. It will help u to become detached and a new awareness will lift the veil from ur eyes.

3. External influence
Friendliness
First meditate, be blissful, then much love will happen on its own accord. Then being with others is beautiful and being alone is also beautiful. U don't depend on others and u don't make others dependent on u.

U r no longer interested in all kinds of dramas and romances that other people are engaged in. It is not a loss. It is the birth of a love that is truly unconditional, without expectation or demands.

4. What to do
Suppression
It is dangerous to keep all those inhibitions inside u. Insanity is nothing but all these suppressions coming to a point where u cannot control them anymore.

The figure in this card is quite literally "all tied up in knots". His light still shines within but he has repressed his own vitality trying to meet so many demands and expectations. He has given up all his own power and vision in return for being accepted by the very same forces that have imprisoned him.

5. Resolution
Compromise.
Compromise may be a way of not going in either direction or it may just be a repression of ur confusion. It will assert itself. Never repress anything, be clear-cut about ur situation.
And if u r confused, remember that u r confused. This will be the first clear-cut thing about u; that u r confused. U have started on the journey.

Soul
Same msg as Soul without shame.
Compromise is betraying our own truth, betraying our self, self-rejection.