Helplessness - feeling of contriction

Mar 5

Father, I miss Z already. Luckily the 13 hours flight is over. I think I barely slept cos the seat is so upright. But I watched 2 nice movies. The food was good too.

Soul without shame
As soon as u become identified with the small helpless child in u, ur experience is dramatically limited. Other people look like ur judge; u expect to be attacked; u feel contracted and uncomfortable; ur awareness is limited; and u have few options for behaviour. Ur self-image has completely closed u in, as though u have entered a room with no windows. U feel a lack of inner spaciousness.

Soul
When I meditate I felt such spaciousness. The recent tightness was caused by the new company.
Father, I don't know about my decision. I still want to retire. But the incident on Z and teacher shows me I still have room to grow.

Soul
I guess that's how I feel when I volunteer in Isha. I had a huge sense of relief when I told them I want out. Alas it has not happen yet. I did skip out of one volunteering event and it cause me such turmoil. I felt bad for not going. But I also know I really don't want to go.

(Apr 1 - I am still in.)