Settling down with myself

Feb 20

Father, I woke up at 4 am, feeling groggy and tired. When I sat down at the toilet bowl, I tot perhaps don't have to do cos tonight got Maha and I need to stay up. I then went back to sleep but mind was spinning, so I didn't sleep well and I woke up 5.50 am. I tot might as well do shambavi. I woke up and did my guru pooja and shambavi. I feel refreshed. On the way to work, I feel fine.

Father, I too drive myself in practices. It was thru perseverance that I got up at 4 am on work day. That's why I don't want to work on Friday morning cos at least I can wake up at 6.30 am.

Yesterday I has some worries and I was watching breathe but got interrupted from P. I had to watch the Isha Kriya dvd, which was a good stopper. I told her about my worries and she understand. Then Z send me a msg that he is sad and I called him back. We chatted and have fun. Such irony, I wanted to call him but I let go and in the end, he too wanted the chat. He told me he listened to my advice and now he is on investment mode instead of debt mode. So, when he talked it will be on investment and savings instead. Of course, he did say we were temporary. Never mind, his displacement is Five of Clubs and will follow thru this year April. So, still got time. For me, nothing to lose.

I think I know why I am here at new company. They calling for help. It seems my role has always been to manage CEO. It started from G, A, then M and recently J and now E. Mmm, why do I always play support role to CEO??

(Mar 25 - it is stated in my North Node in Taurus)

Soul without shame
Joy is curious. Joy is curiosity. As u love the truth, or as truth loves the activity u r engaged in, truth shines.

When we r curious, we r completely whole, happy. Whatever happens to be there, u r in love with it. U r completely in love with urself, with ur existence. U r free the moment that u r completely curious.

Soul
For now, I am curious as to where the new company led me. As for Z, while he may find me boring at times but his sexual attraction for me got him hooked. Like he said he can't set a date cos he is thinking with his D.

Father, my issue with leadership and responsibility goes all the way since I was a child. Mmm, I am a Queen but my personality is Ace and Ace doesn't want to be queen cos to be queen is to serve and be responsible for loads of people. Ace just wants to be alone and do her own thing. The only lucky thing is that both my Ace and Queen is under same Diamonds.