I can choose to ignore the chattering of my mind

Feb 25

I had a good dinner with the new team. Father, thanks for helping me make this change. SS was wrong on the new company, it is growing real fast. Like Mk said, it is the second largest biz after NY.
My role cover 14 countries and I do like the people.

I called Z twice and he didn't even return call. The old me would have reacted but the new me is calm. I no longer take his non-response as 'rejection' as I have been proven wrong so many times. He has also said that he doesn't want to end just last Wed and we have a great time at his place, the first time and I think it will be the first of many times. He has let me into his house.

He does have an issue in receiving love. He doesn't reciprocate love and he is surprised when it dries up. He only act when I said I am leaving. In a way, we r similar, when we love someone, it is forever and so we assume our partner's love is forever, unconditional. In reality, all love is conditional. At the moment, my love for him is conditional too. So, I am not sure if it will last with his continuance lack of response. And I am no longer afraid of losing him ... Cos it be a case of him losing me instead.

Diamond Heart
Any deep loss is an opportunity to grow, to understand more about urself, to experience holes that u believe can only be filled by someone else.
Unfortunately, people usually defend like crazy against deeply feeling these losses. This is primarily to avoid feeling the hole. They don't know that the hole, the sense of deficiency, is a symptom of a loss of something deeper - the loss of Essence.

When we stop defending against feeling a hole, the actual experience is not painful.

Soul
That's true.

Diamond Heart
Allowing ourselves to tolerate the holes and go through them to the other side is more difficult now because everything in society is against this. Society is against Essence. Everybody around u, wherever u go, is trying to fill holes and people feel threatened if u don't try to fill ur holes in the same way they do. When a person is not trying to fill his holes, it tends to make other people feel their own holes more.

Soul
Yea.