Fear of Isha - fear of my hidden inability to say No; my own self-rejection

Feb 5 eve
Father, just now I asked the question why I fear Sadhguru. I fear of losing my self-control, fear of losing my comfort zone, my family and my food.

(Mar 7 - Fear of having to continue with Isha. Fear of not able to say no.)

Sadhguru's answer:
Isha is just a tool. It is not an organisation or a religion or a cult.
So, how to offer urself to Isha? Totally. There is no other way.

Does it mean that u must come and live at Velliangiri foothills?
Not necessarily. That is a choice.

Do I have to be physically in a particular place?
No. Isha is not physically limited to any particular place.

But ur offering has to be total. Half of u or even three quarter of u getting into Isha doesn't work. Only if u give urself totally, something will come out of it.

Giving urself totally need not necessarily mean u have to be in particular place and do a particular thing. Wherever you are, u can give urself totally.

It is just that u are educating urself because this is also about u realising ur Isha-ness. Isha means the divine, the boundless divine.

So, u r running a family right now; that is also toward realising urself. U r doing a business right now; that is also toward realising urself.
If everything in ur life is 100% dedicated towards ur realisation and nothing is spared - ur family, ur profession, ur life, ur everything - then u have offered to urself.


Soul
I already did offer myself. I focus on self-realisation in every relationships that I hold. Amen. I am already 100% involved. I need not fear Sadhguru.

(Mar 18 - I now know what I feared about Isha, the loss of my control. In me, there is a suppressed inability to say no. I reject myself by not allowing myself to say No. Since I can handle myself, the next best solution is to remove myself.

Now that I have awareness of my inability. I worked on that. I worked on saying No to Isha and Yes to myself. I worked on giving priority to what I love to do, my writings first instead of Isha correspondence. Then there is no resentment built up against my own inability to say NO to Isha)