Saturday, March 24, 2012

I am still 'doing' eventhough I dont like it

Feb 19

Father, it was raining. I took my umbrella and had a lovely walk in the park. Did my usual 3 rounds despite the rain.

Was updating my blog for Jan 18 and realised this. I have the subsconscious need to be the best in whatever I do. This is ironic when I seems not bothered. The thing is why everytime I am involved, I seems always have to take the lead, to be responsible.

That's why I avoid life. Cos anything I touched I always seem to lead. Perhaps its because of my subconscious need to be the best, to prove my value.

Father, again now at new company. I see the people there and I knew why E wants me there, its again to take a lead cos Je and J can't. I wonder the other guy, D may be good.

Anyway, I am not sure of S yet, but if she didn't take up the offer, I will then get the audit gal to be FM then.

Just now I finished my shower and then I turned on the rain shower, I had whale of time laughing non-stop. Looks like its not the water pressure, its just the volume of water.

Father, while I can't let go of the lead role but at least I can now voice my resistance being a lead in Isha. Talking about overcoming likes/dislikes is this. Me, don't like to even volunteer but now have to be volunteer lead. Me, who doesn't really like J but have to support her and made her feel welcome.

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