Nothing to lose is to be come fearless; is to be my true Self

Mar 8

Father, one more night to go. I want to go back. While I like western food, my nose cannot stand the dry weather. I am having a sore throat now cos cannot breathe through the bleeding nose.

Today I woke up at 3 am and then I slept back till 4.50 am and did my practice. I didn't do suria today. I just proceed to do meditation. It was fine. There were some tots but now I can choose to ignore it.

Father, I have been frontal with teacher and also my friends at Isha.

Soul without sham
The moment when some part of u stands up and says, "Enough!". Until now, u were willing to keep negotiating, accommodating, and adjusting to try to get around the judge. The time has come to do something different, to break out of the loop. One form the feeling takes when it arrives is quite distinctive: it u don't act, u feel u might just explode.

One of the most common discomforts of aggressive direct response to the judge is feeling that it is not nice and is even downright hostile or violent. Yes, it is hostile and it's not nice - and for good reason: u r defending ur life. If u r constrained by the need to be polite and considerate, u will never regain ur inner freedom. It is the judge that demands those niceties toward others while disregarding the integrity of ur soul. U must learn to protect urself from inner attacks and perhaps the most difficult step in doing so is confronting ur reluctance to use the full force, of ur instinctual energy in defending. If u don't use it to support ur truth, the judge will continue to use it against u.

Soul
I am now using it. It started with Z and then Ze from new office and then with N and now with teacher. Father, I am now letting all my weakness come out, the emotional me, the vulnerable me, the not so nice me, the lazy me, the alone me.

Soul without shame
Value is an expression of what an object or experience means to u, either by itself or in relation to other things.

The unshakable belief that everyone carries is that u must earn value, be given it, be blessed with it or in some way receive it. It isn't there as a natural birth right. Like everyone else, ur parents believed in value as an acquired quality, so they did not recognise or mirror ur own inherent value.
As a result, u got a clear message that value was achieved in certain ways, by meeting certain standards. If u didn't meet those standards or engage in the prescribed activities, u came to be believe u were not as valuable.

Each time u turn toward something else as the source of ur value in the moment, u must ask why. How did u learn to value something else more than ur own being.

One dimension of maturing is the continual transformation in what we feel is important in life - changes in value.

The judge mercilessly dictates standards and ideas about what gives u value and what doesn't. It is more loyal to those standards than it is to u. It is convinced that ur self-worth can feel secure only if u measure up - continue to measure up. The judge believes all will be lost if u don't, so it motivates u, rewards u, chides u, punishes u, encourages u, rails against u, all in an effort to keep u focused on its set of values. It u don't meet the standards or decide they r not important, it tells u that u r worthless. Thus ur self-esteem is constantly manipulated by the judge.

By being willing to experience without judgement, it is to feel that u r without value is the doorway to truly valuing who u r.

Soul
Whenever I feel sad, I have learned to allow it to be expressed and not judge myself weak and hold it back. When I feel angry, I allow it to be expressed and not judge myself weak and hold it back.

Soul without shame
Most often, value seems given to u through the appreciation and approval of those u love, admire and depend on.
What is "striking" is how easily these "sources" of value change.
Value seems completely relative - always dependent on where u r in ur life, what u r doing, and how things are going. It is because of ur belief that value lies outside of u that u abandon urself, turn ur back on ur own truth and listen to ur judge. This belief is the source of self-betrayal that is revealed as u pursue ur process of self-discovery.
The journey of inner unfoldment becomes successful the more u r able to value urself regardless of what is going on in ur life.
U must learn to value who u r more than what u do, whom u know, how u feel, what u think and how u behave. Only in this way, will u find the motivation to be urself fully and deeply, no matter what.

What is needed is to begin to experience value as a state of being u can feel and know in urself directly. It arises in the heart as a sweet, velvet liquid of luscious, amber nectar. Value has a preciousness and a richness that is both light and substantial at the same time. When experienced, this quality gives u a sense of home and a feeling that u have a right to be here because u r made of the same essential substance as everything else in the universe.

The more u taste this heart quality, the more u realise it is at the very center of ur life. It is there waiting to be revealed at the heart of every tot, feeling, action, role or experience that arises out of u. The value remains no matter what form ur life takes. It is the nature of who u r.


Soul
I experienced it. It is such a luscious delightful sweet feeling of fulfillment and contentment

Soul without shame
For u to act freshly and without judgemental constriction, u must know urself in a way not defined by ur history.

Soul
I overcome that by knowing "There is nothing to lose". When I know that, I just act without fear. I follow my truth of the moment.