Life is not meant to be controlled

Feb 10

Father, what a coincidence. His meeting was cancelled and his phone was barred. I had to check my office mail and saw his mail to call him.

Father, yday I was excited but today I am not. Normally this time Z and I would be lying in bed or me having breakfast with mom. Part of me still resist having my comfortable routine break up. I am going to have chaos.
Can I handle it? Tot of SL, she would be able to do the job. Tot of going back to current company. Let's face it, I don't have much things to do there.

(Mar 23 - SL didnt want to join. I am still looking around)

The thing is what E wants me to do, I can do lah. Its just the break of my comfort zone. Like what MF said I am too young to retire.
The thing is neither do I want to do Isha.
Father, guide me.

Father, I may not like it now but I know this is part of my growth. That's why I am not running away. Everything seems to flow to cut me away from current comfort zone. So, there must be a reason.

What is needed for resolution?
Control
Controlled persons are always nervous because deep down turmoil is still hidden. If u r uncontrolled, flowing, alive, then u r not nervous. There is no question of being nervous - whatsoever happens, happens. U have no expectations for the future, u r not performing. Then why should u be nervous.

There is a time and place for control, but if we put it in charge of our lives, we end up totally rigid.

The image of the King of Clouds reminds us to take a deep breath, loosen our neckties and take it easy. If mistakes happen, its okay. If things get a little out of hand, it's probably just what the doctor ordered. There is much, much more to life than being "on top of things".

Soul
Yea. To let go of the past even if it is so comfortable.

Resolution
Change
It has often been said that the only unchanging thing in the world is change itself. Life is continuously changing, evolving, dying and being reborn. All opposites play a part in this vast circular pattern. If u cling to the edge of the wheel, u can get dizzy! Move toward the center of the cyclone and relax, knowing that this too will pass.

Soul
Amen.