Forget about the past; be a FOOL

Feb 27 Eve

I had a comfortable time with my boss, E and I know he is comfortable with me too. We click since day one.
He show me his work and I was able to understand. Next month we will do it together and in April, I will be on my own.

Today, I have been watching my breathe and it is great. I found myself having less worry on Z. And of course, once I read my weekly Osho, I calmed down

1. The Issue
Patience
We have forgotten how to wait; it is almost an abandoned space. And it is our greatest treasure to be able to wait for the right moment.

Now it is a time when all that is required is to be simply alert, patient, waiting. Contented, with no trace of anxiety, she is simply waiting. It is a time full of mystery, like the hours just before the dawn. It is a time when the only thing to do is wait

Soul
I done all I could. I was even able to let go rejection and ask for him. I have expressed my feeling again. We have been together for one year and alas last week I went to his house and we had a great time. I came back feeling more bonded to him and wish that we could sleep together always. I love waking up next to him.
We have come to the time, he will either let me go or we deepen. Perhaps the last few days, he was busy thinking about us. There is a goodness in him. He knew continuing will only deepen my bond to him and he doesn't want me to be hurt. Yet he also cannot let me go. Perhaps he is facing his dilemma over me.

(Mar 29 - he kept my joyong website in favourite. He read my stories. That shows he wants to know me. No wonder he told me he already knows me. Like P said, Z has faced major failures in relationship with women who claimed that they really love him. In the end, they left him. Of course, he doesn't realise he caused it by not reciprocating their love in the ways they needed to.)

2. Internal influence
The fool
A fool is one who goes on trusting; a fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience. You deceive him, and he trust u; u deceive him again and he trust u. He does not learn. His trust is tremendous, his trust is so pure that nobody can corrupt it.

This card indicate that if u trust ur intuition right now, ur feeling of the "rightness" of things, u cannot go wrong. Ur actions may appear 'foolish" to others, even to urself, if u try to analyse with the rational mind. But the 'zero' place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience.

Soul
Yea, I am staying put. I love him.

3. External influence
Schizophrenia
The whole effort of Zen is how to drop schizophrenia, how to drop this split personality, how to drop the divided mind of man, how to become undivided, integrated, centred, crystallised.
U can't work ur way of this one by solving it, making lists of pros and cons, or in any way working it out with ur mind. Better follow ur heart, if u can find it. If u can't, just jump.


4. What is needed for resolution
Healing
U carry ur wound. With the ego, ur whole being