Projection of our insecurities

Jun 10 Even


It was a difficult session wit CEO. She is still emotional and feeling insecure and attacked me furiously. Accused me of conspiring with GM, at first I tot she was joking, but she is serious. She said that she felt pressured to meet my expectation, she felt as if she the CEO has to seek approval from the FD. She also says that I don't think highly of her and doesn't seem to respect her.
Luckily I stood my ground, got the increment that I wan for GM.

Amazingly, when I did shoonya. I started to cry over the ordeal and then a tot came, not necessary lah and I start to laugh. The laughing was non stop. Don't recall I ever laughed so much during shoonya.

(8 July - Today read in Radical Forgiveness, about using anger to fill up her well of love. Using anger to avoid feeling guilt. Also, respect...high level, her forte in positioning, in elevating herself. I saw her pix when she was in her thirties..she looked like a 'gangster - so no class'. She really built herself from scratch. No wonder, now she cannot let the 'image' fell, cos she knows if she doesn't perk it up, her original no class look will be open to all. In that way, so was the ex-PA, also no class..quite coarse. Even her PA, need to be classy, cos it is reflects on her....now I see, why she so particular on office cleanliness..now i see....

Whereas for me, while I don't care of image..i know without any primping, I look like a rich gal. Cos my attitude of not being bothered by anyone..I m comfortable in rich/classy environment. I am only uncomfortable faced around beautiful women, around happily married ugly women. Thats when my unconscious unlovability come to fore. Otherwise, I know I am a rich gal)

Father, thank u.

Father, I emphatise wit CEO. Feelin insecure n tot of us conspiring against her. Well, I too had such tot when things doesn't go my way. So, can't judge her.
But I admit is tiring ordeal. Nevermind. Big pix, I have got what I wan. Dealin wit her is trivial matter. Can I handle it? Yes.
Father, thank U. I m so grateful I hav u to go back too.


Jus finished shoonya/shakti. I hav lost the samyama meditation.
These days, after shakti, can do shoulder stand effortlessly. Even better than during hatha yoga.
I am still thinkin of session wit CEO. Aiyah, the afternoon session, I did well.
And I am on leave tomorrow. So, focus on positive lah. Yea loh.

Father, it has been a long long time since I hav tot of office. Aiyah, guess d achievement mode in me loh.

(8 July, now can do my shoulder stand, touching my toe during hatha..my body is getting more nimble. Amen)

Osho
A man also should be a little raw, a little wild, ready to live in insecurity, ready to risk, ready to go on untrodden paths, always ready to take the challenge of the dangerous. Then life is every moment an ecstasy, and boredom disappears.

Soul
I can say many thing abt my life and boredom is not one of them.