What is the mirror between me and CEO (3)

Jun 24

Father, today my mind was wallowing on yday. At first I told myself I can afford to lose. Then still doesn't work. I told myself I lost. Funnily it did help somewhat. I am not a Superhero. Perhaps I am just like the rest of people who cannot handle CEO from hell. I don't need to be special. Anyway, surprisingly, meditation and hatha was quite good. The leg lift up was effortless, I hardly feel the strain on my stomach. Amazingly laughed end of Shambavi, which is seldom these days even on good day. Unexpectedly bad day, I laughed.

When I was done wit meditation, saw email from CEO, sent to me around 1 am. An email to clear the air. I was surprised but m glad to receive it. Jus when I tot I lost the rship, it came back. She valued me and I do see her for what she is.
When she was scolding me yday. I found myself distancing and tot that she is off for holiday and hence pressured and she released by attacking me. Hence I don't feel the attack per se.
What I was affected was d selection of PA. The task on hand. How could I hav let someone not presentable to be in? Where was my judgement call? Why I didn't ask if she like other race too?
As for combination of office work. To exclude as both current and ex PAs confirmed personal matters are 90 percent of the work. And both says during off time, need to recuperate so can dance wit CEO again. That's why cannot do other office work.

My close friend cannot meet me and I felt rejected. First tot was attacking, wanting her to courier d cds. Of cos, I told my mind, that was not necessary. I calmed down and says m not myself. Then later I replied that I am disappointed and today wasn't a good day, so unable to accept cheerfully. I am only human.

Yday, when I was judging myself on d change of plan on venue. My intention was good and then I recall I wasn't the one who suggest my park. I was fine wit any park. So, need not think m big headed.

Feel better now, called ex-boss PA for possible candidate and ex-colleague for recruitment search. I am back. Took a sneak at my Osho internal card - Consciousness. Have learned the lesson and now beyond delusiion. Need not come back to life. Thank God.

Father, when I read Osho card, clinging to Past. Past is gone and I need not cling. Don't stay stuck in old blueprints that I have already outgrown. Bid it farewell.

Yeap, I can dwell on the scolding, my failure, my rejection, my fear or I can move on and just get the job done. Get a good PA for CEO and close the chaptet. Like my attitude towards Regional. See CEO's input wit appreciation instead of with resentment. I am freed.

Osho's resolution - Flowering. Living in abundance, totality.

(July 20 - until now still have not receive the disk. Of course, she also hasnt ask me to pay. She claimed that she has not lable d copied cd. But this is puzzling. Anyway, I have given her till month end. Not sure why this is happening.)


Jun 24 Even
Father, d intro doc I did for website presentation is very nice. It fits so well together. I do hav talents in positioning and presentation. Of cos, later mind works overtime on what to do during Intro.
Anyway, I called my mind back.
Today, got almost 90 percent of fungshui item. Didn't hav to run around so much as before.
Just now driving non stop for few hours. So energetic. I think I drive more confidently than before. I am more focused on the road. At times, tots do fly to CEO and also Isha Intro, but I consciously pull myself back into present.
Past and future is not for me. I told myself I got no problem on hand except for driving. Jus focus on it.


Sadhguru
You can go thru life untouched, you can play wit life whichever way you want and still life cannot do anything to you, life does not live scars on u.


Soul
To me, this means Past is gone. I live now.
Sadhguru
It does no matter what u accumulate, you just need to meditate