See the Light in sad experiences

Jun 30

2 persons supposedy love or approve of me, no longer does. Feeling of unlovability arise.
Looked at all my issue and the causes.
And to be rejected by CEO for recruitment that is my forte was unforgivable.
And to be rejected by friend for wanting to explore on my hobby (which is her forte) is also not reasonable.

Fat arm
Anger at being denied love

Affirmation
It is safe for me to create all the love I want.

Rheumatoid Arthritis
Deep criticism of authority. (Have healed this)
Feeling very put upon. (In progress)

Affirmation
I am my own authorty.
I love and approve of myself.
Life is good.

Arthritis fingers.
A desire to punish. Blame. Feeling victimised.

Affirmation
I see with love and understanding. I hold all my experiences up to the light of love.

Mmm, alas I can now see my experience wit understanding. I now knew why I am disturbed. Its true, I have poked their insecurities and hence they withheld love. Now, I can't control that but I can only manage myself. Love myself even if I have inadvertently poked people and cause myself to be rejected. Like Sadhguru says, I can't control others. So, I will be fine. I create my own love. I approved that I can poke people unknowingly with such precision that they will bleed with jus 1 poke.

One poke of needle results in blood is my strenght. Its me. Accept me, love me. And there will be lots of people who can't accept it. So, let me accept myself. Don't wan to look for love in wrong places.
Like my anaolgy to CEO. So difficult to love and accept her. It would be easier to accept and love myself, flaws and all.

Lookin at LY, a young lovely gal wit such courage. For me, while I am not excited abt my job, it give me the securities/love that I need. To me, since I don't hav a rich husband to support me. I must have job to support me.

Osho
There will be no division between Life and God.
There is no other God in opposition to life or separate from life.
This man will declare that there is no creator other than creation; creativity itself is God.
Don't accept or reject pleasant or unpleasent feelings. Jus understand it naturally.

Mmm, I am a Pluto card to so many people. I challenge people to transform. So, definitely lovability is low. So, instead of lamenting and trying to deny or improve on myself. Jus focus on detaching myself from the outcome.
My life path ahead is a Transformational Leader n that means it comes with perceived unlovability. If I cannot accept that I may be otracised, then I cannot walk the path of being a Transformer.

If I am bothered about having love or seeking acceptance, then I won't be a good Transformer.

Father, alas I finally saw the Light.
All my three bosses from hell are unlikeable. They are the ones that pushes people to perform beyond their current limit. They make people feel insecure, they hound and threaten them to perform.

So am I, a transformer who is so precise that I can poke blood wit one needle.
That's where we are the same. I attract these people from hell cos I am Hell to some people too.
And at the root of this is my feeling of unlovability vs destiny as Transformer.
This mirror is so difficult to see cos on d surface I am totally unlike them. But behind, I am cos unconsciously and consciously I pricked people insecurities, forcing them to look at areas they have denied. I am not likeable, not a pleasant person to be with.


Jack of Heart (Christ card_
A strong dose of higher, spiritual love into our lives and will encourage us to do things from a higher motive than usual.
To make some sort of personal sacrifice.

Soul - I sacrifice my need for love and acceptance to follow my Destiny as Transformational Leader.
I will faced my unlovability head on.