Spiritual path (6) - back to oneself (go for what u want to avoid)

Jun 7

Father, thanks for havin me liberate from my job during off days. Surprisingly, despite budget period, I didn't think of it.
Also, yday nite I made a decision that I need my room. When I woke up, I felt bit guilty cos mom and nephew was sleeping in the living room sofa. Then I remember I told them to go back but mom insisted for them to stay.
As for me, can't say I feel good, at least I no longer feel bad.
I need my privacy to do my practices, jus like my sis need privacy to go to her church. Btw, sis is getting too preachy.

Osho
When life becomes a play, all its pinpricks and hurts go, all its thorns disappear, and we are left with its flowers in our hands.
When one turns his work into a play, his whole life becomes like a play. Then he can take anything, including death, as a play.
But it is possible only when u KNOW the REAL actor within you.

Soul
Mmm, I am enjoying myself at work. I wonder, whether this is it?
Even yday, during the meetup. I was being naughtly, poking and I know it that I may not be liked, but I was fine wit it.
Its ironic, I say I cannot handle normal case and here u send me 2 depressive person.

8 July
Soul - mmm, I think I finally understood what "play' means. Yesterday, when I counsul 2 of my staff, I did it with fun. Surprisingly, I managed to make all of us laugh. Manage to convey to them, there is no insecure/bad guy in my team. If the guy is insecure/bad guy, they wouldn't be poking each other insecurity...
Good guy are frontal...is the bad guy that will be nice..
Amazingly, I enjoyed the session and I have such a good laugh. 2 months back, I have avoided this confrontation as both are my 'children', so difficult to take side...and now, I can face the confrontation and have fun..


Osho
A male mind will choose doing and yet remain a non-doer, and a female mind will choose non-doing and yet remain a doer.
While the male mind is active, the feminine is passive.
Feminine mind can surrender and wait.
If a male mind chooses inaction, he will lose incentive and will become dull and lethargic. The problem arise becos of wrong choice.

Soul
I have a male mind. This reaffirm my path of action.
Mmm. no wonder. Due to fear of loss, I have chosen inaction, little output and as a result I gain weight. Work use to be my action and now work takes little energy and I am not expensing off the unused energy, no wonder weight increased.
Earlier I have 2 choice, to increase output or reduce input. But looks like, if I don't act, I become dull. Even my skin has changed.

8 July, part of my increased input is due to the acid folic supplement that I have taken. I have stopped for 1 week and now I can eat normally. I am more conscious of my eating.

Osho
Spiritualism is a pilgrimage to self-nature, to being oneself.
You don't have to seek through spiritualism that which attracts u, that which is ur opposite. On the contrary, you seek that which u are, you seek ur own pristine nature, ur original face.
You don't have to reach the other, u only have to reach yourself.
To find one's intrinsic nature is of the highest in spiritualism. It is better to perish in one's self-nature than to accept another"s which is perilous".

The law of spiritualism, the similar, the same attracts.
But, ordinarily, your life is a search for opposite and most of u choose opposite in ur spiritual journey. We carry our old ways with us. We try to blow out the electric light wit our breathe, and we never think of the switch.
Krishna is in full accord with his own type, he does not deviate from his self nature.
　
Soul
Wonder if this is the same as the insight that I have about our 'area of strength' is the doorway to our Self.
I think lots of people doesn't choose their doorway. In my case, while I wasn't sure of my doorway, I know what is not.
For me, also. While I know physical is not my thing, I don't know what is my thing per se. It took a long long time before I take up meditation.

Osho
It is not difficult to know one's type.
That which attracts u is not ur type; it is the opposite of ur own nature, because opposite attracts.
It seems paradoxical, and difficult to understand that what repels you is ur type.
It is difficult to believe that what u detest and condemn, what u wan to avoid, to keep at arm's length, is invariably your own thing. It is within u.

Soul
All the years, I ignore meditation cos I tot it is not for me. It is only when I reached my end and after persistent chase from V that I finally did it. And even that, I started grudgingly, expecting to fail. During initiation day, I fell asleep and tot that the money paid has gone down the drain and little did I realise that I really got it and it stayed with me.

India, the country that I resist most, actually is my spiritual center. When P first started to read Indian books, I said no to it. Little did I knew, it was meant for me.
Mmm, a tot. D was resistant when it was mentioned that she is to do karma yoga, which action related. And here we both found out her doorway is her body, which is actually karma yoga.

Osho
So whenever u r attracted to someone, know well that he is not ur type - he is your opposite, ur complementary. He can never help you in your spiritual journey. He can however, be helpful in ur worldly life, and he can also help u in a way to know ur type.

Remember spiritualism is a search of the self, of self-nature. You have to know who u r. And once u know who u r, u will attain to inaction without quitting action. You will attain to truth without leaving the world.

The world will remain as it is, but u will undergo a mutation. Everything will remain the same, but u will not remain the same, u will be transformed. And the day you are transformed, everything is transformed for you because what u see is ur world. Your perception creates the world.

Soul
Amen. Alas I have experienced it. Nothing changed, but inside I have changed.


Osho
When one attains to a state where pleasure and pain, gain and loss, victory and defeat are all alike, when one transcends all dualities and divisision, when one realises the integrity and oneness of life, then he is heaven. Because this state of equanamity and eveness itself is heaven.
According to Krishna, this samatvabuddhi, this balance and steadiness, equanamity and eveness of intelligence is called yoga.

(8 July - not sure about this yet. But at least, now I accepted the 'suffering', my lack of love is also me and I accept it. Surprisingly, once I accepted it, I can now see beautiful women with admiration, no trace of envy. I am just happy to see beautiful people, I don't see that their beauty makes me look average. They are them, I am me.)

Soul
Today I looked at CEO and she was wearin red. She says she wan to forget abt being nice. She prefers to be a witch. She is angry wit EC and said he sabotaging him.
I tot to myself, she hasn't changed but how come I see a different her.

Osho
And one established in wisdom does not do a thing on his part, he allows everything within and without to happen on its own.
It is a state of total acceptance.

Krishna says to Arjuna;
See and accept that which is, don't interfere with the ways of existence.
Don't swim upstream in the river of life, just float in it.
If you do so, you are in heaven.

Soul
Not sure of total acceptance. But I am now accepting and appreciative of Regional team.

(8 July - yeap, I just accepted my unlovability..no more projecting it outward. Just be me, warts and all)