Accept my unlovability (2)

Jul 7


Father, I am back. At first was bit fearful of antagonising CEO and didn't wan to handle d Freelance. Anyway, m back. The fear is gone.
Yday, the drama. The hero at first say, if he has both the gal and kid, he will let go of fighting. Then when the kids left him, he says he can endure anything if the gal stay with him. Of cos, d gal couldn't say yes. That means his happiness is dependent on her.


I tot this is a case of unlovability. When our well of love is low, we need someone to fill the well. I tot of myself and the Osho card - aloness that I hav, I want to be The Light unto myself.
Then I tot of CEO. She knows she is a bitch and hence not likeable by others and even shunned by family, so she hold on to the husband and children, giving them everything jus to hold on to their love. Her well of love is empty.
Tot of an ex-colleague, also similar case wit CEO, albeit lower version. She has her family and now she cannot depend on the husband for love, that's why crumbling and at last can see her own self-loathing. She says her shield of anger is to prevent others from hurting her.


What abt me? My shield of control is to prevent others from hurting me.
Jus like her anger has carry her so far, so has my control. And I used to dislike emotion. Of late, I can do sadness and laughter, anger silightly.


According to Radical Forgiveness, Life is abt experience and emotion is the outlet. So,if I shunned emotion, I shunned life too.




Radical Forgiveness
What appears to be cruel and nasty behaviour on somebody's part might be exactly what we need and have indeed called forth.
Situations that appear to be the worst that could possibly befall us may hold the key to our healing something deep within us that keeps us from being happy and prevents our growth. The people who seem to us to be the most troublesome and the least likeable may therefore be our greatest teacher.


Hence whatever appears to be happening is seldom what is really occurring.
Beneath the apparent circumstances of every situation exists a wholly different reality - a different world altogether, a world that we are not privy to except for the occasional glimpse.


When we shift our perspective to this possibility, we become open to the idea that nothing wrong took place and that infact there was nothing to forgive. This is precisely the notion that defines Radical Forgiveness. It is also what makes it radical.
Whereas traditional forgiveness takes it as a given that something wrong happened and we need to accept what happened and let go/forgive
With traditional forgiveness, the willingness to forgive is present but so is the residual need to condemn and therefore victim consciousness is maintained.
With radical forgiveness, the willingness to forgive is present but not the need for condemn. Therefore, the victim of consciousness is dropped and everything changes.
Victim consciousness is defined as the conviction that someone else has done something bad to u, and as a direct result, they are responsible for the lack of peace and happiness.


Soul
This is what I know and hence my blog title; sufferingisblessing.
Suddenly tot of SL and her boss. Yea, her unlovability was so low that it needed such a bad person to make her realised she is prone to be on victim mode. Its her karma that she still accept him despite being taken advantage of. Remember her 2 of Diamond, she crave rship and would rather stay in bad rship rather than no rship.
It has nothing to do with me. Its not that she like me less or I am unlovable. Infact, with my unlovability projected, I have been quite nasty to her so that ishe can let go of me and yet she stayed. I wouldn't have. Until now I still avoid her per se. Cos listening to her abt the boss, seems to trigger my unlovability. This is not about me should be my motto. This is her karma being played out.
And perhaps her persistence in following me despite my obvious rejection is to let me feel my own unlovability, which I missed. I did recall I sayi project my low self esteem but the real cause is unlovability.


I can finally see the interplay of hidden drama.
There are 2 mode of response on feeling of unlovability
1. You reject the person who doesn't love u
2. You lower urself and give everything to them.
For me and D, we use 1. For SL, use 2.


7 of Clubs
You will be exposed to spiritual knowledge, which is knowledge that leads one back to the self.
There will be mental revelation, expanded consciousness.
Soul
Yeap. First level, This is not about Me. But must be followed up by Second level, How am I affected?, Third level, Whya am I affected?