Hidden unlovability is what drives us

Jul 1

Father, my mind chatter so much. These days, it is chattering useful info but not required during meditation. At first I say "Now" and it didn't work. I then say "thank u, but not now" and it quiet for a while. Father, I think I lost the breathing meditation. It only came back towards the last few minutes. Already lost samyama.

Father, d mind really chatters load. Never realise this much before. I am not sure if its always like that but I wasn't aware or I am getting overactive. Anyway, for now, jus let the chatter be. If too much, focus on breathing and chatter tone down somewhat.

Father, my mirror of creating insecurity in people resulting in rejection. My fear of being rejected is contradictory to my happiness of finding my Destiny as a Transformer. Like they say, a needle poke from me will draw blood, it is that sharp. And normally they will avoid such people.
I wonder how the 3 bosses from hell resolve or accept their unlikeability. How do they handle it? What do they think abt it? Will they correct it?
Ironic, now I can see the mirror, all d emotion on CEO died down. Of cos, now mind go another channel.

Father, yday d korean drama. Whole show doesn't attract me, except for d part of d 2 guys fighting over a gal. I wonder why my mind was on d scene. Then I realised cos I wish I was d gal. I felt unloved. Father, after all my search, the crux is this, I felt unloved despite all that I have. Now I know my fascination wit romantic show.

Finally I acknowledge and accept I felt unloved. So, humbling. How do I then create love for myself?
I am happiest when I discover Insight on myself and others. On myself, I will grow and change. On others, they will avoid me and hence reject me. My happiness can cause others unhappiness. Mmm, just like the boss's need for perfection causes people's unhappiness.
Like L says, to learn how to communicate.

Osho
1. Issue - The Fool
A fool is one who goes on trusting against all his experience. He does not learn. His trust is so pure that nobody can corrupt it.
Don't try to create a wall of knowledge around u. Whatsoever experience comes to u, let it happen, and then go on dropping it. Go on cleansing ur mind continuously. Leave the past behind.
And each time, u don't allow the situation to corrupt u, that opportunity will become an integration inside. Ur soul will become more crystalised.
Trust and innocence are ur guides, not skepticism and past experience.

Soul
Father, thank u.
Its my unlovability issue that was debating on the experience. Once I acknowledge my unlovability. It dropped off.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
New Vision
You have transcended. Your insight has become the insight of the whole existence. Now u r no longer separate - u hav found ur roots. Ur consciousness starts unfolding in all ten directions, but the road has been one.
You are being borne anew.
You can see life in all its dimension, from the depths to the heights. They exist together, and when we come to know from experience that the dark and the difficult are needed as much as the light and easy, then we begin to have a very different perspective of the world. By allowing all of life's colour to penetrate us, we become more integrated.

Soul
My cause is unlovability, now experienced at the core of me. But once I accepted that, I saw the mirror between me and the 3 bosses from hell.
All the search, all the achievements, the need to be special, all the fear, agonising moment is all caused by fear of not having enough love.
Thanks for my bosses from hell. Thanks to RA that I am changing my life style.
Now I need to attend my root cause. Feeling unloved and seeking love in wrong places.

Now I understand how I cld give a substandard candidate to CEO. It is meant to happen to create the animosity, to cause me to want to find out, to see the mirror. And I am like her, she is seeking love, searching for wrong places.
This actually is all of us...it is just reflected in different form.

3. External influence
The Master
The whole work of meditation is to make u aware of all that is "mind" and disidentify yourself from it. The very separation is the greatest revolution that can happen to man.
Now u can do and act on only that which makes u more joyous, fulfills u, give u contentment, make ur life a work of art.
You become a master of yourself, master of ur own destiny.

Soul
Finally everything boils down to unlovability.
My mind chatters and now I can evaluate and see if I wan to follow.
I will act on those that r meant for me, for my destiny.

4. What is needed for resolution.
Creativity
If u have something growing out of u, if it gives u growth, it is spiritual, it is creative, it is divine. You become more divine as u become more creative.
Be open to whatever wants to be expressed through u. Remember we don't possess our creations; they do not belong to us.
True creativity arises from a union with the divine, with the mystical and the unknowable. Then it is both a joy for the creator and blessing to others.

Soul
My Insight.
Father, am not sure. Somehow I lost my value judgment. I now can see the potential in everyone, however hidden. I wish to help people to uncover their potential, discover their strength and weakness, accept and love themselves and live life to the fullest, fulfill their destiny.

Jus realised. I have changed again. My perception of people now see their hidden potential instead of jus their current mode.

5. Resolution
Consciousness.
This flower that has become aware of itself need not come back to life because life is nothing but a school in which to learn. He has learned the lesson, he is now beyond delusions. He will move from the known for the first time, not into the unknown, but into the unknowable.

Most of the suit of mind are either cartoon-like or troubled, becos the influence of the mind in our lives is generally either ridiculous or oppressive. But this card of Consciousness show a vast Buddha figure. He is so expansive, he has gone even beyond the stars and abv his head is pure emptiness.
He represent the consciousness that is available to all who become a master of the mind and can use it as the servant it is meant to be.
There is crystal clarity available right now, detached, rooted in the deep stillness that lies at the core of ur being.
There is no desire to understand from the perspective of the mind - the understanding u hav now is existential, whole, in harmony with the pulse of life itself. Accept this gift. Share it.

Soul
Amen.

7 of Club
Spiritual revelation, expanded consciousness. How it manifest for u will depend on ur ability to elevate ur thinking.
Knowledge that leads one back to the self