Looking for love in wrong places and wrong time

Jun 15

Father, today practices is good too. Did 5 min extra, cld have done longer but wan to be in time for office.
Father, tot of me promoting. Since I cannot put in office. Can I expect others to do so. Practice what I preach.

Osho
1. The issue - the Miser.
The moment u become miserly you are closed to the basic phenomenon of life: expansion, sharing.
This card challenges us to look at what we are clinging to, and what we feel we possess that is so valuable it needs to be protected by a fortress.

Soul
Yday, I look at this, couldn't really relate and tot is being open to friends and family. But I already did that. What I am afraid is to open up to office colleague abt meditation.
As for the brochure, jus put little here and there. Whoever is meant to be will be. I know that. My role is jus to open some doors, to create awareness, not to sell.

2. Internal influence that u r unable to see
Sorrow.
The pain is just to make u more alert - becos people become alert only when the arrow goes deep into their heart and wound them.
Times of great sorrow have the potential to be times of great transformation. But in order for transformation to happen, we must go deep, to the very roots of our pain, and experience it as it is, without blame or self-pity.

Soul
Yday, when I read I tot of my lesson of acceptance and validation. Tot it is easier to learn to accept me rather than her.
This morning, tot I really must have rejected myself to attract such big lesson such as CEO. People who is so unlovable, people who is liked only for the money. People who is imbalanced, given out her love elsewhere and seeking love in the most unlikely places, outsiders and office colleagues.

So sad, why I reject myself? Why can't I accept myself. What is so bad about me that I can't accept myself. No wonder my blood is self-rejecting.
Yday, tot of the potential PA who says that leader can hav the right to be given more 'understanding' as they have given out loads elsewhere and hence more stress. Me, never did it.

My issue is envious of people got taken care of. I always have to take care of myself, no one to help me.
Father, I never let myself have the opportunity to allow others to take care of me. Here I lament that no one wants to take care of me. The question I should ask is why I can't allow myself be taken care of.
I have taken care of everyone. A tot came, cos u have been given all the strength, u have to give help and u cannot ask for help.
Here the CEO give out and yet ask for equal measure. I don't. I keep on saying that I rec frm my family, and I give little and there is imbalance cos I give loads fr office and don't expect return.
Then I am exactly like CEO, who gives out all to family and little to office and yet expect from office and not from family.
Then tot of Jack of heart - sacrificial card. I think I sacrificed loads for my office. Perhaps that was the mirror for me.

As for CEO/ex-CFO boss/ex- CEO boss/ex-colleague/ex-colleagues - all seeking validation frm me. (9 July...again here..me creating insecurity in others resulting in them seeking validation from me.)


To me, I am seeking from wrong place. How is this a mirror. Yeap, I give loads to office, didn't rec. I rec loads from family, didn't give. I now hope to rec frm a future rship, and I haven't even give.
Something is not right, classic case of Seeking love in the wrong places. In my case, seeking love in future, something that may not happen.

Father, no wonder - Looking for Love my focus in 2009/10. Alas, thank You for guiding me to meditation and led me back to the right place - Self Love. Amen.

CEO - imbalance, seeking love from wrong place. Her behaviour is not acceptable cos asking love frm wrong place.
My case, asking love frm wrong place - in the future. No wonder my blood self-reject my cells. (9 July..getting nearer to my unlovability issue)

Mmm, I find this is it. Its different from P's verdict of validation. This is the word she used very often. She also used it on M.

And I think yday messenger was GM who told me that I need think m wrong for not giving out validation cos I am the barometer of what's right/wrong. Infact I shld be proud that my bosses seek validation from me. That's was what got me thinking from another angle. And I think this is it. Suddenly I found myself at ease.
Perhaps validation is something that P is seeking from everywhere cos she didn't rec as a child.

For me, I am imbalance in my giving out love, give all out and not asking for it now and asking for it in future - somethin unattainable. No wonder, I fear to give out cos I don't have anymore. I was waiting to receive in future. Meanwhile, I try to love myself, by setting parameter, containing myself, my time so I don't be crippled.
Now I understand abt the anger card, wanting love and yet not allowing love. Perhaps that's why I was looking for future love cos its safe. Its in the future. I may not attain but I won't be rejected too.
Father, I was seeking love not only wrong place, wrong time. How can I ever get?
Luckily u came, I found love in me here and now. Every practices, I love myself here and now. I need not look out to anyone in the future
　
And as for me, my fav word - seeking love from wrong places. People only hav 100 percent, if they give out imbalancely, they will want to seek it imbalancely.
No wonder, it is such a difficult mirror to see cos I wasn't seekin love in my current situation. I was seeking love in the future.
Now I found love here and now in me.


3. External influence u r aware
Travelling
Life is a continuity always and always.
This card indicate an inner movement from one way of being to another. It promises the going wil be easy. No need to plan and struggle.
This attitude of openness and acceptance invites new friends and experiences into our lives.

Soul
Yeap, I am more accepting, removing some of my parameters. Surprisingly, once I remove, it turn out I need not even remove it.


4. What is needed for resolution
Schizophrenia
How to drop the divided mind of man and to become integrated, centred.
You can't work ur way out of this one by solving it, making list of pros and cons, or in any way working it out wit ur mind. Better to follow ur heart, if u can find it. Jus jump.

Soul
I was looking for love in wrong place and time.
Since I was lookin for love in future. In the meanwhile, I gave myself love in food. I love myself wit food. I eat high quality and delicious food. Perhaps that's why ex-PA says I describe food like sex.
No wonder, my meditation, I hav tot of someone in future loving me.
Amen, I am awaken. Alas I see the mirror of imbalance of 7.


5. Resolution
The Master
Once u disidentify frm ur mind, u can do and act only that which makes u more joyous, fulfills u, gives u contentment, makes ur life a work of art, a beauty.
Once ur awareness becomes a flame, it burns up the whole slavery that the mind has created. There is no blissfulness more precious than freedom, than being a master of ur own destiny.
Master is one who has become a living example of the highest potential that lies within each and every human being.
　
Soul
Share wit S his card of King of Club, being his own boss and his this year focus is on money. He says that is correct. I told him that I am now studying the 7thunder cards for my part time counselling service in future.

He replied:
Ok sounds good carry on with what u are doing. Great opportunity.
Mmm, another msg to continue. Thank u. Didn't expect this. Jus tot of sharing with him. Didn't realise he would tell me the potential of this biz.

7thunder card
Jack of Spade
Spiritual initiation to a higher lifestyle.
Father, I will look for love now.