Others cannot define us, only we can do that

Nov 6 mor

This article truly resonate with me on my fear of being rejected. In my case was fear of losing validation. There was the childhood fear of being abandoned by my mother. But now knowing the real story, I can rewrite it. My perception as a 2 year old colour my vision. Also I was born with this karmic issue to work on.
While I can judge my parents for discounting my sadness and discourage my sadness. I did the same to myself. No matter how sad I was, my expression doesn't reflect it and hence I don't get sympathy. Perhaps that  why I hold on to RA. That's the one I got at least some sympathy  when I m in pain. No longer need RA. I no longer need sympathy from others.

http://tinybuddha.com/blog/fear-abandonment-know-your-worth/
“Your value doesn’t decrease by someone’s inability to see your worth.” ~Unknown

I was not brought up with clear emotional boundaries or the ability to validate my own worth—not on the level I required to be a strong, confident woman. I flailed. I would have bursts of drive and chutzpah at times, but I spent most of my energy feeling not good enough, not lovable enough, not worthy enough.

I talked myself out of many opportunities or shied away from experiences because of my inner demons. In a nutshell, I sold myself really short.

I saw, objectively, what had happened and what I wanted to and needed to do differently to end the cycle. This education was put to the test this past winter when I ventured into a new relationship that had great promise.

All my old fears came up, fears of being emotionally abandoned. And when it looked like the same thing was happening again, I did something that I didn’t know I could do. I said no. No to repeating the same mistake. I set my boundaries, I stated my worth, and was prepared to walk away.

I spoke my truth and came from an authentic place when communicating with this newest partner. It mattered not if he understood or heard me; it only mattered that I said what I did and took responsibility for my own outcome instead of placing the power in the hands of another.

In the end, he did understand and I was heard. Although we did part ways, I was left with more clarity than I ever had before.

I don’t regret the path taken or the experiences had, including the heartaches. For each one brought me to this point. The point of seeing my intrinsic worth, something we all are born with.

We must nurture it firstly within before it will be mirrored to us fully. It’s not about being defined by ego or conceit, but knowing, from an inner wisdom, that others cannot define the value we all possess; only we can do that.

That being said, I’m still human, and sometimes I catch myself falling into that old, familiar pattern. But before I fall too deep, I bring myself up again. I cannot undo the past but I certainly can lay the groundwork for my present and my future, to cultivate fertile soil where my needs are nurtured and my worth is evident.

I do not have to fear being emotionally abandoned by another, because I won’t abandon myself anymore. So now the tagline reads, I can help show you your worth, not because yours is more important, but because I firstly see and honor my own.