Ups and down Sadhana

Nov 10
Slept before 10.30 pm as was feeling tired from a no aircond Sathsang hall and back hurt from the yoga mat.
It was my least experiential Sathsang. Didn't do Shambavi cos was doing correction. Actually don't even want to do but had to. I never like doing correction even during my Sathsang guide days and now even worse has to sit down and record the correction. Real detailed work, which is not my cup of tea. Also I am not detailed enough to notice the subtle correction required.
When they start aum chanting I sat down and watch my breathe, just being in Sadhguru's presence. That was the best, just savouring the presence.
Later Brahmanda, I start to chant but the guy next to me was not chanting to Sadhguru and his voice not in tune. After awhile I decided to keep quiet and hear Sadhguru chanting instead and then I got into the meditative mode. Just laugh a bit.

Then the Chikshakti meditation on success. I have no goals, not even on partner.  I am contented. Especially the video Sadhguru mentioned that when we feel complete, we don't need anything to add on. It is just like being a Full moon. Most people on half moon.

Later when I reach home I tot I should have wish for health. But that one is on success.

This morning woke up by alarm at 3.48 am. Truly wanted to sleep cos feel tired despite Sathsang yesterday but I dragged myself up. Sat on the toilet bowl and then decide to omit Hata Yoga session. Went back to sleep but took awhile. and alarm rang at 4.27 am. But I still feel tired and doze bit and finally got up at 4.40 am.

This time body felt okay. Did Bhuta Shuddhi followed by corrected Cat Stretch.
Did Surya Kriya, can only touch both feet to ground in the last mountain pose as my left back ankle is swelling. My right elbow also swelling and hence cat stretch is not easy.
Shakti was great. I finally got back my rhythm of partially slow and I find then Kapala Bhakti quite nice. First time in my life.
Shambavi was good. So nice in contented silence. Wish I could sit longer but alarm is calling.
No more plough back as it disrupt my energy balance.
Now feeling good.

At the end pray to Akash. Whatever meant to be will be. Instead of me wishing for my partner. I wish that partner wish for me instead.