I do have issue with criticism, especially self-criticism

Nov 7 aft 1

My Daily Card in Saturn
The Three of Spades

The Three of Spades is one of the most creative cards in the deck. It is known as the 'Artist's Card'. It is so creative that if not channelled properly, it can represent indecision, fear and physical stress.

The Three of Spades can mean literally splitting ourselves in two so that we are working two jobs at the same time, or are somehow pursuing two lifestyles at the same time. Whether we are successful at doing this will depend upon the position of the card (Jupiter is best, Saturn is worst) and how well we are able to direct its energies into creative enterprises.

Soul
Mmm..not so great today.
Day is easy cos I am not working.
Truly thankful I chose Friday as off day.

Received msg yesterday that potluck is cancelled.
I was unwilling to accept the cancellation as the potluck was good for us and it is something that we have fight so hard for.
Yesterday I ignored it as I am no longer the core team.
But I know I wasn't accepting it.
I may no longer be in core team but I care for Isha.
Infact yesterday both LK and S said potluck is what bring us together.

So, today I decided to just be open and ask.
And the response from teacher was an abrupt, this is instruction from Sadhguru. Just a one liner.

Then I replied sarcastically that this instruction would also apply to other country then who is currently practising potluck too.
So, teacher responsed but I am not open to look at it.
Thats the part of me..afraid of criticism..but thats me..just sensitive..let it be.

This morning I tot that without the potluck in Sathsang, this may turn the favour to hata yoga studio instead. They can then make a potluck affair once a month after sannidhi pooja followed by Shambavi..be great.

So much ideas running for Hata Yoga.
My next journey is via Hata Yoga.
Just doing the Cat Stretch is amazing.
And now learning to breathe deeper, easing into the posture.
Amen

Mmm..now that I know I am complex, I am sensitive..somehow it is okay.
So what..if I at times I am afraid of criticism.
Better than not to open up.
Its okay to open up and yet be a little fearful of response as that took courage.

This week Osho Tarot
Whats needed
Innocence.
Zen says that if you drop knowledge - and within knowledge everything is included; your name, your identity, everything, because this has been given to you by others - if you drop all that has been given by others, you will have a totally different quality to your being: innocence. This will be a crucifixion of the persona, the personality, and there will be a resurrection of your innocence. You will become a child again, reborn.


Resolution
Miser
This woman has created a fortress around herself, and she is clinging to all the possessions she thinks are her treasures. In fact she has accumulated so much stuff with which to adorn herself--including the feathers and furs of living creatures--that she has made herself ugly in the effort. This card challenges us to look at what we are clinging to, and what we feel we possess that is so valuable it needs to be protected by a fortress. It needn't be a big bank balance or a box full of jewels--it could be something as simple as sharing our time with a friend, or taking the risk of expressing our love to another. Like a well that is sealed up and becomes stagnant from disuse, our treasures become tarnished and worthless if we refuse to share them. Whatever you're holding on to, remember that you can't take it with you. Loosen your grip and feel the freedom and expansiveness sharing can bring.

Soul
Me no longer will close up due to fear.
I cannot manage the fear yet..but I can manage the opening up despite my fear.
I am reborn.
Tomorrow the test of the pool...well, fear is still there...
But I want to swim..

Whats important is me learning to express myself, learning not to suppress.
So in the beginning will have to face the fear of losing invalidation by others..but thats better than invalidating myself.
Thats where I was envious of all the bitchy bossess. They always validate themselves or rather they are not bothered at all by the invalidation from others.
Amen.

After 2 hours, I open up the mail
It was a positive one.
Why do I always think it be negative?
Why do i always think bad of myself?
Truly need to change..
Mmmm...blame it on the plough back...
Amen

Okay, great week..and now off to do Sannidhi Pooja