Sannidhi - not to console but for growth

Nov 1

Woke up fresh before alarm at 6.45 am. Body feels real good.
Yesterday finally sat near the Sannidhi as it was too cold at my normal place. Went in deep.
Did Bhuta Shuddi and corrected Cat Stretch.
Followed by Surya Kriya, good alignment. But my back can't bend backward, it is too painful
Breathing was nice
Shakti was okay, this time did only 100 kapala bhakti but went in deep.
Some tots came in but this time I can disbelief it. I see it as surface tots.
Truly want to get it corrected.
Shambavi was good.
Can do plough back but unable to do the correction pose. My back can't bend backward.
It has been one week but still not recovered yet. Hurt my back during the Angamardhana guided practices last Saturday. Wonder if I need to take the relaxant pill to heal my back.

Went for a swim.
Fear come back.
I am feeling afraid especially there are many people in the pool due to school holiday.
Swam half lap but can feel the fear.
I decided to go to the other side of the pool to swim. Facing the sun.
Not able to swim in breast strokes as fear comes up.
I decided to swim in free style, less fear but still can't finish the lap.
Its not only fearing the people, also fearing the water itself.
Fear of being drown came back.
I can feel the fear and I try to squelch it. The more I try to overcome, the fear deepen.
The fear is deep within.

Truly like back to square one.
The fear has started one week after I got the Sannidhi.
What is it that I am afraid of?
I tot I was over the fear of water...
Father, help me.
Tot sannidhi will help me to settle but alas something inside is coming up.
Truly a period of growth...not a tool for console.