The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli

Nov 7 eve

The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
When u are hurt or offended, u used to taking action quickly. As u learn to tolerate ur emotions, u will act less impulsively.

When our emotion are at full boil, it helps to take a moment to think and reflect. Slowing things down allows us to catch up with our feelings, inserting some calm and reason into an emotional situation.
When we consciously try to slow things down, we let empathy express itself.

Soul
I can do quite effortlessly at work but in personal I have difficulty. I know its because in personal I suppress and when it becomes too much I exploded. By then I can't help myself cos I don't care at that point.

The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
Seven essential steps for expressing sympathy
1. Ask open-ended questions
2. Slow down
3. Avoid snap judgements
4. Pay attention to ur body
5. Learn from the past
6. Let the story unfold
7. Set limits

Soul
Need to learn this on personal rships.
Mmm. Don't judge myself too much. Pe said I don't have self esteem with Z. So let's not said I got no empathy.

The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
5. Learn from the past
As as learn to separate the past from the present, we gain objectivity. We can see that another person's strong emotions are not necessarily linked to what's  happening right now but often emanate from previous unresolved conflicts or difficult life circumstances.

When someone who is filled with self-hatred lashes out at u, my father would say, "consider the source". Anger usually arises from a long humiliation or fear, and that history has nothing to do with u. U just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time.
Don't buy into other people's insecurity, no matter what they are selling it for.
If we don't consider the source, we can get confused and leap to the conclusions that we are responsible for the other person's emotional reaction.

Soul
Yea, L was definitely that.
She got to me cos that time I was facing such dilemma over being in the local ISHA leadership role.
I was at wrong place at wrong time to receive such massive wrath of hate and anger from her. I was in bad situation myself and hence can give her the empathy she needed.
Also I had issue in losing validation. Never expect such hatred from anyone. I used to admire at my bosses who can handled others hatred of them.

A few months before when I know that she couldn't open up during BSP and don't even want to do homework, I knew her history of emotional baggage must be so great that she can't open.


The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
Anger is usually a cover-up for other emotion - disappointment, hurt, frustration, resentment, feelings of inadequacy of helplessness - that people might find it threatening to reveal.
Anger is an expression of perceived vulnerability or powerlessness.
Angry or hostile behaviour is almost always fuelled by the perception that we are not understood, discredited or rejected. This understanding act as a kind of dimmer switch.

Soul
In my own overwhelming sadness of unable to let go of being a Sathsang guide, I forgot my rule of guidance
Anger
Hurt
Guilt
Fear
Love.

I forgot to use that on her. Then again I forgot to use on myself too. I couldn't take her call as I was trying to manage my own issue and know if I pick up it be negative. Forgot that for her no response is the worst thing.

The power of Empathy by Arthur P Ciaramicoli
Guided by empathy, we know when involvement is essential and when detachment is most beneficial for the rship.
Knowing where I end and u begin is one of the most important challenges facing us in our intimate rships. If my boundaries get entangled with yours, then I become confused about what belongs to me and what is rightfully yours. In that enmeshment empathy necessarily suffers, for empathy requires its objectivity to maintain its balance.
In intimate rships we need to preserve the equilibrium that empathy creates, understanding where we begin and end in relation to the person we love.
That state of balance gives us the insights and understanding needed to express ourselves clearly and honestly, always respecting the other person's unique needs, desires, hopes and dreams.