Communication with empathy brings reality to relationships

Nov 13 aft
The power of empathy
Recognising that different people have different orientations to life, we use empathy to find out whether we can adapt to a different perspective and to determine if others are willing to change their view points to accommodate our unique approach to life.
Without empathy we try to hold on to status quo and survive the bumpy ride without fully understanding our power to smooth things out. Or we end our rship abruptly and start over again.


Soul
When I read this book back in 2003, just skim through the part on Sex, intimacy and Empathy. Only used it for office.
Now wish I read it back then when I was with Z. We would have ended much earlier if I brought empathy in.

The power of empathy
While empathy usually protects us from investing further energy on a losing battle, sometimes we choose to stay even when all signs points to go.
Both lost the romantic feeling for each other but both are mentally compatible and have many common interest they share. They might never be sexual partner but there were other strength in their rships that would keep them together.

The woman said; when you get to my age, u will see that although sex is important, other things, including the quality time u spend together, are more important.

Empathy does not mean that everything works out for the best, but at the very least the process confirms that u have travelled the road and refuse to take short cuts by reducing the world's complexities to sweeping generalisation.

Half truths provide half the picture, because they only go skin deep. Human beings long for a deeper connection (we call it intimacy), where our hearts and minds freely commingle. Only there, at depth, do we feel uniquely understood and truly loved for our whole selves, warts, scars, blemishes and all.

Either of phenomenon.
Generalisation leads to what I call either-or phenomenon. Either u love me or u don't. Either u are with me or u are against me. Either u accept me the way I am, or u find someone else, because I am not about to change.

Either-or behaviour shuts out empathy because it reduces the world to black and white.

Soul
Mmmm tot Z ended. But looks like this book brings back. What I know now is that both Z and Y still wants me in their lives as friends. That means I m okay.
Perhaps this book is to help me learn.

On the fateful day of break up. I had an either-or phenomenon on Z. I told him that since he can't bring me to the party means he never will and hence no point wasting our time. He did said he is not ready. He said that even his mom was pressing him after he bought his new car and he said not ready.
But I was beyond caring, beyond listening cos the small child is crying out due to months of suppression.
Whenever I ask him how we break up, he always avoid it. Since I never ask him what he plans for us. I just assume it will end as he never allow us to grow.
So I said either we grow or we end. He said up to me. So I end it as I was feeling so insecure especially after letting go of the job in the big company.
Mmm. Father.
While I regret the way it ended I don't regret that we are not together.

Nov 13 aft 1
The power of empathy.
There is always room in the empathy's world for the complex twists and turns of real life. By embracing ambiguity, empathy keeps our minds open and allows us to sort through our conflicted feelings. The end result, ironically, is greater clarity.
When we accept the fact that the world and all the people in it - including, of course, ourselves - are not black or white but is full of gray, we can move away