Jun 21 Aft
Father, the pressure of losing Z is getting to me. I just cried during shoonya.
As for work, is work and I now I am getting the hang of it.
Yea, limits up for Z lah. I want more. I want a real relationship, not a make shift one. If his lack of commitment is due to me, then let me be the one who act on it then.
Which one is real? The child that cries out because we are last in Z's mind and want more or the child that cries cos Z is no longer with us.
Father, I don't want to share my issue with friends cos I don't want them to be disappointed in me. I don't want them to tell me what I don't want to hear. To go back to Z. Or I don't want to disappoint them if I do go back to Z thereafter. Either way, I m not sure.
What is real is I cried so much yday. It was tears of sadness.
Jun 21 Eve
A day has past. No news from Z. What do I expect? He has always said he can let me go, although he prefers that I stay. I miss him but limits up.
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