Fear of suffering and Drive for pleasure is the same!

Jun 8

Father, woke up and did my practices. Suria was quite effortless despite my flu. Shakti and shambavi was fine too. I noticed little tots when I was focused on steps but whenever I just stop, tots comes rushing in like a downpour.

Father, fear of suffering is definitely my mode and Z's mode is drive for pleasure. He is not afraid of suffering and hence able to endure no money. I am not able to endure no money and hence spend below my means.

On the practices, my fear of suffering is the reason I continue. For Z, since there is no fear of suffering and the meditation doesn't result in pleasure, he is not keen to do it. Father, in reality, no judgement can be done cos we never really see the truth.

For me, apart from fear of suffering, the fear of RA also make sure I persevere even if I felt lazy.

That's why I am afraid to marry Z cos he seems always to overspend and cause himself to be in financial difficulties. Of course now, I realised I need not worry as I got loads and he doesn't want to rely on me and that helps to keep him in check.

My life is based on fear of suffering and so I avoid life. Z life is based on pleasure so he push life. We are at both end.