Going back to my Top 5

Jul 6

Father, I woke up at 4.25 am. I think I slept around 10.40 pm after Z's call. Body was fine but mind was making some noise. But I remember I only did 2 hata session this week, so a third one is good.

Surprisingly suria was effortless. I didn't require a doze as I got enough sleep. But did cut short on the breathing meditation. Yesterday samyama was quite good, similar to my experience in Ashram. I start to sing and dance.

Father, I am sure my Top 5 and it has nothing to do with work
1. Me time
2. My practices
3. My family
4. My boyfriend
5. My writing

Internal influence that u r unable to see
Success
Because of ur willingness to accept the recent challenges of life, u r now or u soon will be - enjoying a wonderful ride on the tiger of success.

Soul
When I saw this card. I wonder what it could be about as there is nothing good happening per se. I was so tired this week on managing both company. And today is Friday, still got to work.

Father, I am getting more positive on Z. These days he will return my calls soon. I guess my note the other day make him realise that he has taken me too 'lightly'.

Diamond Heart - Book 3
When u know urself, when u realise ur true identity, the meaning of life does not come to u in the form of a conceptual answer to a question. It is not an answer in ur mind. It is u.

The presence, fullness and intrinsic preciousness is directly experienced; it is not in reference to anything else.
It is complete autonomy; only the experience itself can give a taste of this satisfaction. This experience of self-realisation is the answer, in the sense that it ends the drive. It is true absence of seeking.

Soul
I am surely getting there.

Diamond Heart - Book 3
If u observe urself, u will probably discover that u have become disappointed in one thing after another. U will see that u r disappointed with ur career, lover, spouse, ur own mind, everything. U r disappointed because they don't do what u hoped they would do for u.
There is one disappointment after another until u allow urself to fall into the great chasm, the great split. U need to allow urself to exist in the vast emptiness. We must go through this non-existence. There is no other way.

To become unified, we must go through the split in us. We cannot go over it or avoid it. We must allow ourselves to experience the chasm. We have to allow ourselves to feel the insignificance completely, without defending against it.

Soul
This is similar to the integration.

Ace of Spades
This is a traditional cards for death, change and transformation. It is certain that u will go through some sort of death and rebirth, or at the least, some important and powerful changes.