Fear of losing my Dream of 3 days week

Jul 2

Father, I slept early yday and woke up at 4 am to do my practices. Suria was effortless but I had some tots of Z. Then I did breathing and found I couldn't go in and later I did Shakti. Half way thru, I just don't want to do it and I finished it at 6.10 am and went back to sleep and woke up at 6.55 am.

Why??

I think the issue of non-entity still troubles me. Tots of me losing my retirement plans still troubles me. Tot of Z non-commitment still troubles me. Tot of people riding on me because of my passion troubles me. Tot of me using valuation cause me to be a commodity troubles me.

Resolution
The Fool
Ur actions may appear "foolish" to others, or even to urself, if u try to analyse them with the rational mind. But the 'zero' place occupied by the Fool is the numberless number where trust and innocence are the guides, not skepticism and past experience.

Soul
Let me do what I need to do. Its true my valuation do drives me. But it no longer is the main thing. Let me just come to myself. If I am stupid, so be it.

Diamond Heart - Book 2
The understanding of what it is to be oneself unifies the spiritual and the mundane. It unifies the teachings of people like Christ and Buddha with the yearning of the ordinary person.
There must be some truth to both the universal spiritual teachings and the personal longing experienced by the majority of people. There must be something which unifies these so that they are not in contradiction. And to really make that unification, not theoretically or mentally but experientially, is to see the two as one, is the door to knowing what it is to be oneself. Without this unification of spiritual and personal, even cosmic and divine experience lacks the aspect of celebration.

It doesn't matter what authorities or teachers says if it doesn't make sense in my own experience. The more u question and think for urself, the more u become urself.

To be oneself, means not to be conditioned by others, by the external, not to be an extension of the past, yours or anyone else's past. To be oneself, means to be an original. U want a normal life, and still to be happy and free; not just free on a mountain retreat, but free in ur normal life.

How can u be a free person, be urself and not be controlled by ego and personality? Is it possible to be oneself without being one's personality?

We have a true longing to live as royalty and have dominion over our own lives.

Soul
Father, part of the reason why I want to write is to be non-doing. Part of me is envious of people who are able to let go, to be not doing.

Of course, at home, I am completely non-doing. At work, mostly doing.

Diamond Heart - book 2
To be oneself is true "joi de vivre". Joy is for simply existing; and all value and celebration is of this beingness.

The moment u know who u r, it becomes easier to know what is not u, what is conditioned and what is personality.

When u r truly personal, u r not just merged with the universe, u r a child of the universe. U r the microcosm.

Then u can live this earth with all the pleasures, with all the festivities, and all the freedom and power - all from the universal, but on earth, as a human being. Then u r everything - a friend, a lover, a warrior. U r the personal and universal with no contradiction.

Aloneness means u r urself and u r not influenced by others. To be completely oneself is to be alone inside u, with nothing hanging on u, pushing u, pulling u. Then what opens up is a kindness, a warmth, a tenderness, a compassion for oneself.

The moment u know urself, u can always recognise it. Then, if this is not present, u can ask what is stopping it. By understanding what is stopping u, u become urself again. When all the issues and beliefs and images that block this experience are removed by understanding, then it is not just a state u experience, but a station.
A station means that a quality of essence is present whenever there is a need. When u r urself as a station, u r no longer being guided, u have matured.