Self-judgement when expressing anger

Jun 20

Father, I slept well yesterday. My flu has reduced considerably. Looking forward to meet up with Z. Suria was fine. Shakti and Shambavi went in deep. Even breathing meditation was good to. I was able to go inward.

Even yesterday samyama, I was able to click and feel the joy within. I was laughing and dancing.

Father, I admit that whenever I feel my valuation dropped, I tend to want to run so I don't feel bad. There is a part of me that is not really keen to work. Without the car, I would run. Actually, to my surprise I am very comfortable with the big car. I belong in it.

Father, I read "What is needed?" - Be an open being, available to million of things.
This means to grow. This means allow my emotional control to be on manual mode. To change my perception on the following:
1. Challenges are suffering
2. Anger is low valuation
3. Reporting is low valuation.

What I found out after all these years is that I really don't know.
I really like the "Resolution".

Slowing Down
Do whatsover u r doing, but at the deepest core, remain at ease, cool, calm and centered.
If desires, hopes and dreams are fading away, so much the better. Their disappearance is making space for a new quality of stillness and acceptance of what is, and u r able to welcome this development in a way u have never been able to before. Savour this quality of slowing down, of coming to rest and recognising that u r already home.

(Jul 22 - Father, for the first time I understood this. I don't know where I am heading and I am not bothered to find out. For now, I feel fulfilled.)


Diamond Heart - book 2
If u believe in islands, no matter how rich and wonderful ur island may be, u r bound to suffer fear and frustration. It is possible to see that the sense of boundaries and isolation depend on certain misunderstandings, beliefs and insecurities u want to cover up.
The island is just a mental construction, made up of memories which form a point of view.
It is possible to live without taking a position about ur experience, without having continual commentaries on ur experience. It is possible to have a painful feeling - sadness, anger - without having a point of view about it. This is an energising experience which bring openness and peace, regardless of what the experience is.

Soul
I was fine when I got angry. But later when self-judgment set it that anger is loss of self control, loss of valuation, I begin to feel bad. Then my mind played on defenses on the justification for anger and followed by tots of making amends. Finally I just admit I feel bad about anger and the bad feeling goes away.

Me, got angry - no issue. She hanging up me - no issue.
I only feel bad when I do self-judge.

Diamond Heart - book 2
It is possible to see that everything that happens is a creativity, is the process of life itself moving, changing and transforming.
Suffering occurs from taking a position; a position is rigid and goes against life's movement and change.

Soul
Yea, my idea that challenges is punishment, is God showing me that I need to prove my worthiness. My idea cause me suffering.

Diamond Heart - book 2
When u have no point of view, u can look at a flower and know the flower completely, without reaction or judgement. This perspective where there is complete openness to things, without the rigidity of a point of view, is reality.
This is the absence of rejection, judgement, suffering and restriction. This openness allows essence in all its manifestations.


Soul
Father, thank U for giving me my answers.
Now I know why all Gurus said "U cannot judge cos u truly don't know".