When there is fear, trust reduce, resistance arise and allowance is blocked

May 29 Aft

Father, wish I don't have to work. Do I really have to climb higher?
A tot came from Sadhguru; if you have no fear of suffering, u climb all the way.

Looking at the Laziness card, I admit I have that. I just recently got over 'suffering' since mid Feb to mid May, 3 months and I am looking forward to a bit of rest. But looks like that is not forthcoming. I know the next 3 months is on set-up.
The tot of next year to be King of Spades sort of scare me off. Do I really have to climb some more? Haven't I climb enough? An answer came, nope. U cannot compare a drunkard with a sane person. Their climb would be different.

Father, while I like writing but sometimes I feel I don't have the authoritative attributes. I haven't really achieve much. Perhaps all my learnings is to climb all the way. Perhaps then I can write better.

May 29 Eve
Father, my valuation is low again. Just some slight criticism from E spiral it, no replies from Z and also no news on my writing. I felt low valuation and start to feel sad.

First tot was to quit the job! Luckily I have the car to keep me going. Second tot is quit job and do writing. I remind myself valuation still be low if no one buys my book. Until now no interest. Since I am feeling down, I begin to lose confidence on whether my book be of help to anyone.

Still no replies from Z and I start to have rejection mode. All these in my mind. I just want to keep faith.

Father, you just give me the perfect answer on my laziness! Amen.